Practice in Colloquial British English - for English learners
Here's an example of how a natural conversation might unreel between myself and a good friend. I should add that I live in the South-East of England, but I think most if not all of this would be understood, if not used, in other parts of the UK.
Would any of our English learners like to try putting it into standard English, or just ask any questions? Maybe it will just be fun to read, more practice in colloquial speech. 
(anyone really once the learners have tried!)
Don't peep because I'm commenting on people's answers whenever I get the chance!
"Jan! Hi! Where've you been hiding?|"
"Hi Sally, how are you? Well, I've been run off my feet with this, that and the other. The kids are more demanding than ever and John's snowed under with work so he can't help out much. How about you? What have you been up to?"
"I haven't felt up to much lately, bit of a bummer really. My back's giving me gyp, my corns are killing me, and to cap it all I had the runs 2 days ago and spent a whole night chucking up. I'm totally knackered. God, listen to me, I sound like my granny!"
" * Laughs * You do a bit! I heard about that bug though, and there's a lot going round at the moment. Fingers crossed, we've escaped it so far. Mind you, with my little darlings (sarcastic) pushing their luck all the time, it'd be all I needed to get the squits as well!"
"What have they been getting up to now? I thought you had them all under the thumb?"
"Chance'd be a fine thing! I had to ground James last week, he'd been niggling away at me for days, little so-and-so, but the final straw was when he nicked my camera to take it to Lucy's party and somehow managed to bugger it up completely. That's 120 quid down the drain..."
"Bloody hell! I should count my blessings then, at least mine are still tiny and I can keep my expensive stuff out of their mucky little paws."
"Yeh well, your time will come.....It doesn't get easier as they get older, they just give you different challenges. Anyway, I must dash, I've got a ton of housework to do, Great to see you again. We really must get together soon, give me a bell!"
"Ok then - take care, and catch ya later! Bye."
N E W!!! I have recorded my self reading this
Now, to me it doesn't sound entirely ok, however I think people always think this when they hear their own voice, right? Also I've attempted to give us differently pitched voices. :/ However, I've tried to make it as natural as possible. Let me stress again, it's a conversation between very good friends, my speech is more comprehensible and contains less of the 'Bloody's' etc when I'm in a less familiar situation!
8 Answers
"Jan! Hi! Where've you been (what have you been up to, I haven't seen you for ages)?"
"Hi Sally, how are you? Well, I've been very busy with a lot of things. The kids are more demanding than ever and John's loaded with work so he can't help out much. How about you? What have you been doing?"
"I haven't felt like doing much lately, kind of a nuisance really. My back's giving me hell, my feet (callos) are killing me, and the worst is I had diarreah for 2 days ago and spent a whole night throwing up. I'm totally exhausted/worn out. God, listen to me, I sound like my grandmother!"
" * Laughs * You do a bit! I heard about that virus though, and there's a lot going round at the moment. Let's hope for the best, we've escaped it so far. Mind you, with my little darlings /children(sarcastic) pushing their luck all the time, it'd be all I needed to get diarrhoea as well!"
"What have they been getting up to now? I thought you had them all under control?"
"Yeaj, that will be the day!! I had to punish James last week (he was not allowed to go out), he'd been annoying me for days, little "bad guy" (I could imagine a b word here
), but what did it was when he stole/took my camera to take it to Lucy's party and somehow managed to completely break it . That's 120 pounds lost (thrown out of the window..."
"O M G I should not complain then, at least mine are still tiny and I can keep my expensive stuff out of their dirty little hands."
"Yeah well, your time will come (you will see when they get older).....It doesn't get easier as they get older, they just give you different challenges. Anyway, I must run, I've got a lot of housework to do, Great to see you again. We really must get together soon, call me!"
"Ok then - take care, and see you later! Bye."
"I haven't felt up to much lately, bit of a bummer really. My back's giving me gyp, my corns are killing me, and to cap it all I had the runs 2 days ago and spent a whole night chucking up. I'm totally knackered. God, listen to me, I sound like my granny!"
"You do a bit! I heard about that bug though, and there's a lot going round at the moment. Fingers crossed, we've escaped it so far. Mind you, with my little darlings (sarcastic) pushing their luck all the time, it'd be all I needed to get the squits as well!"
Sally, this just cracks me up!
It reminds me of a couple of residents of an old-folks home.
Great job!
Bumping because I've added a recording, please feedback to let me know if you can access it. 
Oh yeah, young people's slang, you're telling me, once I was trying to understand young people conversation, I could hardly understand a word. There should be young people from UK here on SpanishDict ,perhaps there would be someone willing to post some conversations similar to yours, Galsally. I'd like to read some samples of young people's slang.
Galsally, big thank for that, and I ask for more. I'm leaving for UK next month so it may come in handy. The way you native speakers talk is SO different from the stuff are taught in text books.
"Hi, Jan! What have you been doing?"
"Hi, Sally, how are you? I've been very busy as of late. The kids are more demanding than ever, and John is overloaded with work, so he can't help out much. How about you? What have you been up to?"
"I didn't feel like doing much lately, I haven't felt too well. My back aches, my feet are in pain, and to make things worse I've been feeling sick to my stomach, and spent a whole night throwing up. I'm completely exhausted. God, listen to me, I sound like my grandmother."
" * Laughs * You do sound a little like your grandmother! I heard about that virus though, and it's spreading a lot. Fingers crossed, we've escaped it so far. Mind you, with my sons constantly trying my patience, it'd be all I needed to get (diarrhea)? ?"
"What have they been up to now? I thought you had them all under control?"
"That would really be great if it were true! I had to ground James last week, he'd been bothering me for days, one little thing after another, but the final straw was when he borrowed my camera without permission to take it to Lucy's party and somehow managed to lose it. That's 120 pounds down the toilet..."
"Darn! I should feel lucky then. At least mines are still very young and I can keep my expensive stuff out of their clumsy little hands."
"Yes, well, your time will come.....It doesn't get easier as they get older, they just give you different challenges. Anyway, I have to get going, I've got a lot of housework to do. Great to see you again. We really must get together soon, give me a call!"
"Ok then - take care, and see you later! Bye."
I'd like to read some samples of young people's slang.
Skins is a popular teen programme set in England, they are currently filming series 5. I don't know if you can watch any of the episodes online - I can watch them on youtube but I don't know about the content restriction in other countries.
There are also forums where you could read some of the typical language, however there will be many abbreviations, mis-spellings to contend with...!
Here's one example. There is a Facebook page too.
Don't forget though, any polite and reasonably intelligent people you meet will attempt to help you understand them, you shouldn't need to be fully cognisant of slang to survive! I guess this applies wherever you go.
Good luck.
I ask for more.
Glad you liked it, Seb! I worked out another one last night, I'll post it soon, and I'll keep working on it, aiming to put in about one a week until I run out of ideas.
Of course, there is another whole area of slang, which is that of young people, but it changes so rapidly I can hardly keep up with it! What I'm trying to use is the slang that isn't changing at such a great rate, that I've used all my life and still hear all around me.
