Try to find out what this means: El atributo, María José Navarro
I am correcting the last killer thread today, so you have to be a tad patient. However, I have found this very funny text in the paper today, so I hope you are willing to have a go at it. very difficult.
This is meant for advanced students. Lots of expressions and idioms. I hope you like it.
This time,,I want to tell me : why did she say the bolded parts, not only the meaning.
Igual que creo que hay cosas hechas expresamente para provocar la alegría en el ser humano (los perros, por ejemplo), estoy convencida de que hay otras pensadas para amargarnos el carácter hasta el vinagre: los aeropuertos. En Madrid hay una versión masoca que consigue la misma sensación que la tortura por el procedimiento de la gota malaya: la T4, un parque temático de la dificultad porque sí, de la distancia sin venir a cuento y de la pérdida de tiempo absurda, incluido todo ello en el precio de cualquiera de los deliciosos sándwiches de plástico que se pueden comprar a cambio de un pastizal indecente. A mí me toca salir o llegar de la T4 y la noche de antes no pego ojo. Me cojo un cabreo como una mona. Si el personal ayuda, es decir, si mira hacia otro lado cuando la gente no respeta las colas y se cuela y tú les dices oiga que se le están colando y el tipo malencarado te espeta a mí no se me está colando nadie así que allá Vd, entonces ya me dan ganas de sacar una plancha ardiendo y ponérmela en un muslo para evitar los bocaos al aire. Por lo visto, a George Clooney le preocupa el escáner ese que van a instalar en los aeropuertos, y a servidora le parece, con perdón, una majadería. Le preocupa a Clooney el escáner por los aprovechados que puedan sacar tajada de ver a través de los calzoncillos por aquello de «el atributo» y a una, que es fan del tipo, le desencanta el tipo con estas antiguallas. A mí, sin embargo, me preocupa mucho más el equipaje de mano, porque mi madre acostumbra a echarme unas peras y un cuchillo, y doy siempre un espectáculo lamentable. Y me preocupa mucho más, pero mucho, la indignidad a la que se nos somete actualmente. Lo de quitarme las botas lo llevo de pena. Cuando no es una patata es un calcetín con bolas o un talón implorando una lavadora. Así que, si el escáner me evita la escena, bendito sea y ya me encargaré yo de ir con la muda limpia. Que es, finalmente, lo importante.
42 Answers
I'm sure that this isn't a perfect translation but here's my attempt:
Just as I believe that there are things made specifically to bring about joy in a human being (dogs, for example), I am convinced that there are others which were only made to make our mood as sour as vinegar: airports. In Madrid, there is a bit of masochism that is not unlike Chinese water torture: the T4, a theme park of difficulties for the sake of being difficult because everything from the irrelevant space to the absurd waste of time is all included in the price of whichever of the delicious plastic sandwiches that you can buy in exchange for an indecent sum. I have to go out of or arrive at the T4 and I don’t sleep a wink the night before. I get madder than a wet hen. If the crowd shows a "helpful" attitude, that is to say, if they look the other way when people don’t respect the lines and someone slips through and you tell them listen they’re cutting in front of you and a mean-spirited fellow blurts out that nobody’s cutting in front of me, mind your own business, then it makes me feel like pulling out a hot iron and putting it to my thigh to avoid gasping for air in order not to scream my head off. Apparently, George Clooney is worried about the scanners, the ones that they are going to install in airports which in my humble opinion, if you'll forgive me, is an idiocy. The scanner worries Clooney because of the opportunists who can get something out of seeing “his attribute” through his underwear and I being a big fan of this guy was rather disappointed at this bit of nonsense. Me, however, I'm more worried about the carry-on luggage because my mother is used to pack some pears and a knife into mine and it always causes a really sad spectacle. And it worries me much more, a whole lot more, the indignity that we are subjected to these days. This thing with taking off our boots is humiliating. When it’s not a hole in the sock or a sock with fuzzy pills it's a heel that's begging to be washed. So, if I manage to avoid a scene at the scanner it’s a blessing and then I will see to it that I wear clean underwear. That is, in the end, the important thing.
Just as I believe that there are certain thing created specifically to bring joy to humankind (dogs, for example), I an convinced that there are others designed to make us as sour as vinegar; airports.
In Madrid there is a masochistic version that feels just like the Malayan water torture.
Terminal 4, an obstacle course because of the ridiculous distances and the absurd waste of time that are part of the price of those delicious plastic sandwiches that can be bought for the cost of a small farm?.
As for me, I have to depart or arrive from T4 and the night before, I don't sleep a wink. It makes me as mad as a monkey.
If the public helps, that is to say, if they look the other way when people do not stay in line, and let them jump the queues and you tell them Oy you are queue jumping and the sour-faced bloke tells me straight that he isn't queue jumping anybody so mind your own business then it makes me want to take out a hot iron and brand him on the thigh to shut him up.
Apparently, George Clooney is worried about the scanner that they are going to install in airports, and that seems to this reporter, pardon me, absurd.
Clooney is worried about the scanner because of opportunists that can get something out of (take advantage of ) seeing his "attributes" through his underpants and that, if he is a fan of his,the old fogey disillusions the guy.
In my case, however, I worry much more about the hand baggage, because my mother is always throwing in some pears and a knife, and I always cause a dreadful scene. And I worry much more, by far, about the indignity which we undergo at the moment. When I remove my boots I am embarassed. If there isn't a huge hole, there is shoe polish on the socks or they desperately need washing.
So if the scanner saves me a scene, bless it, and I will make sure I go with a clean change of underwear. That is, in the end, the most important thing.
Not good, I know, but this was way beyond me this time! Still, I learned a lot from trying 
I'm pretty sure that I started taking on a lot of water towards the end, but I tried to stay the course. Anyway, here is what I came up with.
Just as I believe that there are things made expressly in order to excite joy in the human spirit (dogs, for example), I am convinced that others are thought up in order to make us as bitter as vinegar: Airports. In Madrid there is a masochist version that achieves the same sensation as being strapped down and having water dropped onto your forehead in a painfully slow and unpredictable fashion until, drop by drop, you are eventually driven mad: the T4, a theme park whose themes are difficulty for the sake of being difficult, pointless distances and absurd wastes of time, all that included in the price of any of the delicious plastic sandwiches that are available to purchase in exchange for an indecently large sum of money.
It’s up to me to get in or out of the T4 and the night before I don’t sleep a wink. It makes me angry like it makes me feel hung-over. If the help staff, that is to say, if the staff looks the other way when the people don’t respect the lines and are cutting, and you tell them, excuse me that they are cutting, and the ill-tempered bloke snaps at you that “Nobody is cutting me, so that’s your problem”, then they already make me want to take out a burning hot iron and stick it in my thigh in order to avoid the toxic air pollution spewing from their mouths.
Apparently, George Clooney is worried about that scanner that they are going to install in the airports, and in my opinion as your faithful servant it seems, if you’ll pardon the expression, an absurdity. The scanner worries Clooney because of the bottom feeders that can take advantage of seeing through his underpants and get a peak at “his attribute,” and someone, that is a fan-type, will be disappointed by these dusty old museum pieces. In my opinion, however, the carry on luggage worries me more, because my mother is in the habit of tossing in a few pears and a knife, and I am always giving her a lot of grief. And I am bothered much, much more by the indignity to which we actually subjugate ourselves. I cope with the indignity of removing my boots. If it isn’t a complete dud, it’s a sock with balls or a heel begging for a washing machine. So, if the scanner gets me out of this kind of situation, God bless it, and I already made sure to go with a clean change of clothes. That, in the end, is what is important.
Now that we've all worked so hard and learned such a lot of Madrileño slang, don't y'all think Heidi should provide the all-time winner of these threads with an all-expense-paid trip to Madrid? 
OK. Eyes shut... I'm jumping in... ! 
The attribute, by MaryJo Navarro
Just as I believe that some things are specifically made to bring joy to human beings (for example: dogs), I am equally convinced that others are designed to make one's soul as sour as vinegar, to wit: airports. In Madrid there is a masochistic version that achieves the same sensation as Chinese water torture: the T4, a theme park of "Just to be Difficult", with pointless distances and the loss of absurd amounts of time, plus the price of any of the delicious plastic sandwiches that can be purchased obscenely in exchange for a small fortune. Its my duty to depart from or arrive at the T4, and I don't sleep a wink the night before. This puts me on edge like I could get pissed off and go stark raving mad at the slightest provocation. If the crowd help, or rather, if they look the other way when people get out of the line, and cut, and you say 'hey, I'm going to cut' but then this sourpuss guy tells me straight out 'you're not cutting in front of anybody so beat it!', then I really go off and want to pull out a red-hot grill and shish-kebab someone's thigh to keep the blabbermouths from spouting off.
Apparently, George Clooney is worried about the scanner that they're going to install in the airports, which in my humble opinion, if you'll forgive me, is totally absurd. The scanner concerns him because some opportunist could get the truth by seeing through his drawers at his, well let's just say "attribute", and some young lady who is a fan will be disillusioned at seeing such an old fogy. I, on the other hand, am worried about my carry-on luggage, because my mother always tosses in some pears and a knife and I'm always causing a sad scene. What worries me even more, a lot more, is the indignity we undergo nowadays. Like taking of my boots, really embarrasses me. When it's not a gaping hole, it's a sock with shoe polish on it or a heel begging to be washed. So, if the scanner leads to me avoiding such a scene, then blessed may it be, and I'll take care of wearing clean underwear. Which is, in the end, the most important thing.
¡Ojalá que fueran 48 horas en el día! Ví esta hilo hace dos días pero no he tenido tiemp suficiente para dedicar a un reto tan interesante como esto. Entoces presento lo que he hecho hasta ahora. Si no quieres esperar más está bien, Heidita porque creo que no tendrá tiempo hasta el lunes:
Just as I believe that some things are specifically made to bring joy to human beings (for example: dogs), I am equally convinced that others are designed to make one's soul as sour as vinegar, to wit: airports. In Madrid there is a masochistic version that achieves the same sensation as chinese water torture#: the T4, a theme park of "Just to be Difficult", with pointless distances and the loss of absurd amounts of time, plus the price of any of the delicious plastic sandwiches that can be purchased obscenely in exchange for a small fortune. Its my duty to depart from or arrive at the T4, and I don't sleep a wink the night before. This puts me on edge like I could get pissed off like a raging monkey at the slightest provocation. If the staff help, or rather, if they look the other way when people get out of the lines, and cut, and you say 'hey, they're cutting'...
I think we would call 'gota malaya' Chinese water torture. But here is what I found:
Gota malaya: En el inventario de tormentos descrito en 1899 por Octave Mirbeau en “El jardín de los suplicios” se catalogan algunos de los más duros y eficaces, como el cinturón de San Erasmo provisto de púas en el interior y otros muchos que les ahorro. A la violencia sádica de los suplicios de Mirbeau, la “gota malaya” añade su implacable lentitud. Consistente en hacer caer sobre la frente del torturado una gota de agua fría cada cinco segundos, esta tortura a cámara lenta terminaba volviendo locas a sus desdichadas víctimas y reventando a los pocos días su sistema cardiovascular.
Gota malaya: Por sí misma una gota no es nada, pero una gota tras otra acaba reventando un cráneo como si se le diera un martillazo a un melón a cámara lenta.
mona:
Just like I believe that there are things made expressly to provoke joy in human beings (dogs, for example), I am also convinced that there are other things designed to bring out the worst in our character -- like airports! In Madrid, there is a masochistic one that causes the same sensation as the Malayan Drop torture procedure: theT4, a theme park of difficulty because, yes, from the incalcuable distance and from the absurd amount of lost time, including even the prices of those delicious plastic sandwiches that can be bought to change from an indecent pasture. It's my turn to leave or return from T4, and I can't sleep the night before. I throw a fit like a monkey....
... Si el personal ayuda, es decir, si mira hacia otro lado cuando la gente no respeta las colas y se cuela y tú les dices oiga que se le están colando y el tipo malencarado te espeta a mí no se me está colando nadie así que allá Vd, entonces ya me dan ganas de sacar una plancha ardiendo y ponérmela en un muslo para evitar los bocaos al aire. Por lo visto, a George Clooney le preocupa el escáner ese que van a instalar en los aeropuertos, y a servidora le parece, con perdón, una majadería. Le preocupa a Clooney el escáner por los aprovechados que puedan sacar tajada de ver a través de los calzoncillos por aquello de «el atributo» y a una, que es fan del tipo, le desencanta el tipo con estas antiguallas. A mí, sin embargo, me preocupa mucho más el equipaje de mano, porque mi madre acostumbra a echarme unas peras y un cuchillo, y doy siempre un espectáculo lamentable. Y me preocupa mucho más, pero mucho, la indignidad a la que se nos somete actualmente. Lo de quitarme las botas lo llevo de pena. Cuando no es una patata es un calcetín con bolas o un talón implorando una lavadora. Así que, si el escáner me evita la escena, bendito sea y ya me encargaré yo de ir con la muda limpia. Que es, finalmente, lo importante.
Valerie, let's see how you did, this was really difficult:
Just as I believe there are things created expressly to engender happiness in a human being (dogs, for example), I am convinced that there are others which were conceived just to make our lives as bitter as vinegar: airports. In Madrid, there’s a masochistic example which provokes the same sensation as Chinese Water Torture: the T4, a theme park of inconvenience because yes, the distances for no apparent reason and the absurd loss of time are all included in the price of one of those delicious plastic sandwiches which one can buy for an indecent amount of money. When I get to leave or arrive through T4, the night before I don’t sleep a wink. It makes me furious. If the crowd help that is, if they look the other way when people don’t pay attention to the lines and cut in, and you say to them, listen, they are skipping you, and the horrid guy spits out nobody’s breaking in front of ME, so get out of here, at that point I’m dying to take out a burning iron and stick it on my thigh to avoid snapping at the air in order not to scream my head off. Apparently, George Clooney is worried about the scanner they’re going to install in the airports, but to this humble servant that seems to be, forgive me, a bunch of nonsense. Clooney is worried that some opportunists might take advantage of the scanner to see through his underwear to his “attributes”, and this kind of garbage really repels this writer, who is a fan of this guy.--great, Vala, good job!! What bothers me more, however, is the carry-on baggage, because my mom usually packs me some pears and a knife, and I create a lamentable scene. And I’m more bothered, very much more so, by the indignities we’re subjected to these days. This idea of taking off your boots – it embarrasses me. When it’s not a sock with a hole or one with fuzzy pills or a heel begging for a washing machine. Therefore, if the scanner lets me avoid this scene, God bless it, and I’ll take on the responsibility of wearing clean underwear. Which is, in the end, the important thing.
I have found Kattya's and Valerie's translations the most to the point and good job at getting this part:
and to one who is a fan of the guy, such antique thinking is off-putting.
And Valerie:
and this kind of garbage really repels this writer, who is a fan of this guy.
However, you are oldies on these kind of thread, good job chaparri, I hope I will be seing you around, Izan, uno de los más fieles de estos hilos, Sheila, good job, this time you were slightly more off than usual...
On the whole, I only get the best to do these killer threads, and this can be named the killer of the year, jeje, including last year I think
Izan, with your permission I have used the "angrier than a wet hen" in the translation. 
Lovely!!
I have chosen alba as she is so completely new to the threads and did a really good job
para evitar los bocaos al aire.
Ok, this is a reference to fish. e
pegar bocados al aire is what fish do when they are out of the water.
Gasping for air, in their case for lack of air, of course, in our case here, she is gapping for air as she is speechless and does not want to start screaming.
y a servidora le parece,
I think everybody here knows by now this does not mean maid, I am pointing it out for anybody who might check this thread.
Kattya is a real specialist on my killers and the investigation has been really good:
Just as I believe there are things made expressly to provoke joy in being human (dogs, for example), I am convinced that there are others thought up just to embitter us to the point of vinegar: I mean, airports. In Madrid there is a masochistic version which manages to induce the same sensation as Chinese wáter torture: the T4, a theme park of difficulty, because yes, the distance from anything relevant and the absurd waste of time, even including the price of any of those delicious plastic sandwiches that you can buy in exchange for an indecent pile of money. When I have to leave or return to the T4, I don´t get a minute of shut-eye the night before. I end up pissed off as a hangover ( I think I corrected that in chaparri's text, not aware it was an expression, interesting) . If someone is “helpful”, that is to say, if they look the other way when people don´t respect the lines and cut in and you say, look, they are cutting in and the cheeky guy spits out nobody´s cutting in on me, so mind your own business, then I get the urge stick a hot poker through my leg to avoid screaming my head off. Obviously, George Clooney is worried about the scanners they are going to install in airports, which this humble reporter thinks, with all due respect, is a crock. Clooney is worried about the go-getters who might take advantage of the chance to see through people´s underclothes to their private “attributes”, and to one who is a fan of the guy, such antique thinking is off-putting.-----great Kattya, exactly!! For me, on the other hand, hand luggage is much more worrisome, because my mother is used to tossing in a couple of pears and a knife, and so I always make a sorry spectacle. And I worry even more, much more, about the latest indignity that we submit ourselves to. That business of taking off my boots seems really atrocious to me. When its not a hole in the sock, its a sock with fuzzy pills on it or a heel begging to be washed. So, if the scanner can avoid a scene for me, god bless it and I´ll make sure to come with a clean set of underwear. Which is, in the end, all that matters.
Izan, I have corrected the parts which were nor correct yet:
Just as I believe that there are things made expressly in order to excite joy in the human spirit (dogs, for example), I am convinced that others are thought up in order to make us as bitter as vinegar: Airports. In Madrid there is a masochist version that achieves the same sensation as being strapped down and having water dropped onto your forehead in a painfully slow and unpredictable fashion until, drop by drop, you are eventually driven mad: the T4, a theme park whose themes are difficulty for the sake of being difficult, pointless distances and absurd wastes of time, all that included in the price of any of the delicious plastic sandwiches that are available to purchase in exchange for an indecently large sum of money.
If I have to get in or out of the T4 the night before I don’t sleep a wink. It makes me angry as hell/makes me fly into tantrums. If the crowd is helpful, that is if the crowd looks the other way when the people don’t respect the lines and are cutting, and you tell them, excuse me they are cutting, and the ill-tempered bloke snaps at you that “Nobody is cutting me, so that’s your problem”, then they already make me want to take out a burning hot iron and stick it in my thigh in order to avoid screaming my head off.
Apparently, George Clooney is worried about that scanner that they are going to install in the airports, and in my opinion as your faithful servant/ your humble reporter it seems, if you’ll pardon the expression, an absurdity. The scanner worries Clooney because of the bottom feeders that can take advantage of seeing through his underpants and get a peak at “his attribute,” and I, being a big fan, got disappointed/was put off at this stupidity. --- however, the carry on luggage worries me more, because my mother is in the habit of tossing in a few pears and a knife, and I am always making a fool of myself due to that (namely : the knife). And I am bothered much, much more by the indignity to which we actually subjugate ourselves. I can't cope with the indignity of removing my boots. If it isn’t hole in the sock, it’s a sock with fuzzy pills or a heel begging for a washing machine. So, if the scanner gets me out of this kind of situation, God bless it, and I will make sure to go with clean underwear.. That, in the end, is what is important.
Alba, here we go, I have corrected the parts which were not exact, I can see you had already corrected some, good job:
Just as I believe that there are things made specifically to bring about joy in a human being (dogs, for example), I am convinced that there are others which were only made to make our mood as sour as vinegar: airports. In Madrid, there is a bit of masochism that is not unlike Chinese water torture: the T4, a theme park of difficulties for the sake of being difficult because everything from the irrelevant space to the absurd waste of time is all included in the price of whichever of the delicious plastic sandwiches that you can buy in exchange for an indecent sum. I have to go out of or arrive at the T4 and I don’t sleep a wink the night before. I get so mad I could spit nails. If the crowd helps, that is to say, if they look the other way when people don’t respect the lines and someone slips through and you tell them listen they’re cutting in front of you and a mean-spirited fellow blurts out that nobody’s cutting in front of me, that's your problem, then it makes me feel like pulling out a hot iron and putting it to my thigh to avoid gapping for air in order not to scream my head off. Apparently, George Clooney is worried about the scanners, the ones that they are going to install in airports which in my humble opinion, if you'll forgive me, is an idiocy. The scanner worries Clooney because of the opportunists who can get something out of seeing “his attribute” through his underwear and I being a big fan of this guy was rather disappointed at this bit of nonsense. Me, however, I'm more worried about the carry-on luggage because my mother is used to pack some pears and a knife into mine and it always causes a really sad spectacle. And it worries me much more, a whole lot more, the indignity that we are subjected to these days. This thing with taking off our boots is humiliating. When it’s not a hole in the sock or a fuzzy sock it's a heel that's begging to be washed. So, if I manage to avoid a scene at the scanner it’s a blessing and then I will see to it that I go with a clean change of underwear. That is, in the end, the important thing.
Ok, chaparri, new to this kind of threads, let's hope you stick around
The attribute, by MaryJo Navarro
Just as I believe that some things are specifically made to bring joy to human beings (for example: dogs), I am equally convinced that others are designed to make one's soul as sour as vinegar, to wit: airports. In Madrid there is a masochistic version that achieves the same sensation as Chinese water torture: the T4, a theme park of "Just to be Difficult", with pointless distances and the loss of absurd amounts of time, plus the price of any of the delicious plastic sandwiches that can be purchased obscenely in exchange for a small fortune. If I have to depart from or arrive at the T4, and I don't sleep a wink the night before. This puts me on edge like I could get pissed off and go stark raving mad at the slightest provocation. If the crowd help, or rather, if they look the other way when people get out of the line, and cut, and you say 'hey, they are going to cut' but then this sourpuss guy tells me straight out 'nobody is cutting in front of anybody so beat it!', then I really go off and want to pull out a red-hot grill and shish-kebab my thigh to keep me from screaming my head off
Apparently, George Clooney is worried about the scanner that they're going to install in the airports, which in my humble opinion, if you'll forgive me, is totally absurd. The scanner concerns him because some opportunist could get the truth by seeing through his drawers at his, well let's just say "attribute", and I being a fan was rather put off at this old fashioned talk I, on the other hand, am worried about my carry-on luggage, because my mother always tosses in some pears and a knife and I'm always causing a sad scene. What worries me even more, a lot more, is the indignity we undergo nowadays. Like taking of my boots, really embarrasses me. When it's not a gaping hole, it's a sock with fuzzy pills or a heel begging to be washed. So, if the scanner leads to me avoiding such a scene, then blessed may it be, and I'll take care of wearing clean underwear. Which is, in the end, the most important thing.
Me cojo un cabreo como una mona.
This is very slangy. Monkeys get angry, frequently as it seems, jeje, they jump up and down and we use this expression to express just that, so angry to be jumping up and down, screaming your had off....
Estoy más cabrado que un mono.
I found these expressions on WR:
mad/angry as a cut snake
so angry that I could have spat nails
Any more ideas?
