English language peculiarities
This morning my ex-husband was here, and he said:
"You haven't seen my scarf, have you?"
Does that sound weird to other people, whatever your mother tongue? It's certainly a very common way of asking certain questions among the people I know, however because I noticed it and I think it sounds horribly pessimistic I always prefer to ask a question in a positive way:
"Have you seen my scarf?"
However, I do sometimes forget my intentions and revert to the standard old negatives..
"I don't suppose you've cleaned the car yet, have you?"
My mum's mum was even 'worse', she frequently tacked a 'no' onto the end of a question, like this.... ready to be disappointed. :(
"I don't suppose you've had any luck finding a job yet, dear, have you, no."
I aim to add others as they occur to me. Hopefully our English learners will get something out of them, and it would be lovely to hear opinions and/or examples from anyone who has any. 
16 Answers
Yes, unfortunately that is a very common way of speaking in my area as well. Native English speakers have taken the "correct" way of speaking and have given it a whole new meaning (which can and has cause[d] many problems for ESL [English as a Second Language] speakers.) The trouble with that is that it is not the correct way of speaking, it is moreso the familiar way. It 'flows' better in speech and it provides us with a sense of comfort, if you will. (I take it you have also noticed how we think that the people in Shakespeare's time had a very odd way of speaking.) Not many people, especially those of a younger age, speak this way any more, due to ignorance and/or the fear of being ridiculed.
Alas, I am without any examples pertaining to the "have you's" and what nots, but if I may add, we often use incorrect grammar when we speak [and write] using gramatical mishaps such as dangling modifiers ("Though only sixteen years old, the college accepted Martha's application." Who/what is sixteen years of age? Is the college sixteen years old because that is what this sentence is suggesting??) and [the controversial] end-sentence prepositions ("Where will she be meeting you at?" Because this sentence can stand alone without the 'at' (Where will she be meeting you?), it should be removed for it will flow better and be grammatically correct without it.
Even I know these things and I am but a mere high-school student...Can you say Correct Grammar 101? 
(With all jokes aside though, I would take that class if my school offered it; not only would it make one sound more educated in speech, but just think of all the benefits it would serve in formal writing?
~~¡Beautifleeblesst!~~
Negative questions can be used in different sitautions for different reasons.
You can use them when you are impatient, complaining, etc:
"Can't you just go away?"
You can also use them when you are expecting a positive answer:
"Don't you have a sister called Amy? I think you do." -
"Didn't you buy some yesterday? I think you did."
You can use them when you are hoping for a positive answer but maybe don't expect it.
"You can't lend me £1000, can you?
In these situations it can sound more polite because you introduce the negative giving the answerer the option of replying in the negative more easily.
PS - it is not "odd" or bad grammar in any way - just another way of asking a question.
PPS - an oddity is that English does not have a postive answer to a negative question. French - oui - si and Danish ja - jo do have.
Actually we use the same structure in Spanish and it does not have any pessimistic meaning.
It only implies doubt or even hope actually:
¿Sabes el teléfono de Heidita?
Simple question , info.
¿Oye, no sabrás el teléfono de Heidita?
This is somebody asking hoping he might get a positive answer
The examples that Sally gave I think are peculiar to England .
I have noticed English migrants will start off with "I dont suppose you have the time
do you?" But it is not too long before you hear ,"dyav the time mate?'"
"You don't know...?" or "You don't happen to know...?" are more variations on the theme.
I don't think it's necessarily pessimistic. It's frequently used out of habit, but it's also used when you're reasonably sure the answer is "No", but you want to double check. "You don't happen to know Joe's phone number off the top of your head, do you?"
I have to agree with Kevin here:
I don't think it's necessarily pessimistic. It's frequently used out of habit, but it's also used when you're reasonably sure the answer is "No", but you want to double check.
I had to reread the sentence to see what you meant about the sentence being pessimistic. I have heard sentences phrased that way my whole life.
At this point I don't think of it as a negative way of expressing something. in my experience this construction is used when you are almost certain you know the answer, but decide to ask "just in case".
I'm not sure which one I would have used for the missing scarf.
I suppose if I didn't really have any hope of finding it I'd say "You haven't seen my scarf around, have you?" However, if I knew it was around somewhere and I had a reasonable hope that someone else saw it, I'd say "Have you seen my scarf?"
So, yes, I guess I'd say the language would depend on if you are optimistic about a situation or pessimistic. ....or even if you are generally an optimistic person or someone who always expects the worst.
I'm going to start paying attention to see how people around me ask these types of question. I bet it will be interesting to see who says what.
I got busy and was late to this discussion - Just one observation I didn't see here yet:
--
Please hand me my coat.
vs.
Do you want to hand me my coat?
--
Some of my friends and I noticed that many people (especially women) prefer the second way, out of politeness, apparently. However, many of these people use this means of expression exclusively and lose the desire to be direct. It becomes annoying to those around them. This technique is perfected by people with "passive-aggressive" tendencies, which increases the irritation further. Sometimes, when I hear the second form of this question, my impluse for answering would be, "No, not really. Do I have to?" 
Great topic Galsally! The reason we are having these discussions is obviously because we are trying to improve our knowledge of English and Spanish.There are many "hip expressions" that we hear everyday, specially from teenagers, that somehow make their way into our everyday conversations and become part of our daily speech. Unfortunaly, for people like me (English being my second language) who are trying to learn or improve our language skills, sometimes this makes it a bit more challenging, although not impossible.Anyway, I'm audi five thou!
I am a native speaker to 3 languages (excluding spanish). In Armenian it doesn't sound weird. we frequently ask questions like the ones u mentioned. It is also used in Persian and although it is not as common, it is still used and it doesn't sound weird.
In Spanish I don't know. I'm not fluent but I have been learning Spanish for some time now and I don't think I have ever come across a question that was asked like that.
Please hand me my coat.
vs.
Do you want to hand me my coat?
That's a good one Pesta, and interestingly it is often used by 'someone' I have already mentioned who certainly has passive-aggressive tendencies!
Like you, unless I'm in a very chilled-out and forgiving mood I often reply to it with a "Not really? Do you want to get it for yourself?" or "Not really, but I will if you want me to".
I like a straight "Will you pass me my coat please?" Direct but still polite.
Here's another thing I think is a little strange...
Trousers, pants, stockings, tights/nylons, knickers. One garment, plural word.
Pantiehose, same as tights/nylons - Not plural.
It makes sense to say socks, shoes and gloves of course, there are 2 items.
2 legs, 2 feet, yes, but only one garment so why plural?
We don't say 'bras' just because 2 items fit inside it
Spanish seems to do the same, as far as I can see.
What about other languages?
Alas, I am without any examples pertaining to the "have you's" and what nots,
Hi Beautifleebl, I see you're quite new, and also you say that you are learning English. Good luck, it seems you're quite advanced already.
What you could tell me, perhaps, is whether or not you would use a question phrased in that way in your native tongue?
(You haven't found a job yet? etc)
Or
Have you been taught in your English lessons that this is a common way to ask such questions? Were you already familiar with it?
"Something to remember me by" included in that criticism? I always thought that it sounds redundant
That sounds like a good question Bill, I'll give my opinion, however I'm not sure on this one! Yes, it's definitely what you would most often hear..
I think it would be more grammatically correct to say 'Something to remind you of me' or 'Something with which to remember me'.
Excellent question, come on trusty SD members, what do you think? 
Another thought.....
Jeezzle has just commented, 'it's far more polite' to ask it in the negative.
I'm not sure about that, if one is thinking about examples of the "super-polite" I think one might hear:
Would you happen to have seen my scarf?
Compare...
I don't suppose you'd have happened upon my scarf, would you?
hehe that is hilarious! (But which is more polite?)
Could we possibly see it as more polite simply because there are more words, and brevity can be seen as impolite? Are we being too apologetic, is this why Ray thinks it's a English thing? (Aussies being generally thought to be direct and no-nonsense ^^)
I know exactly what Jeezzle means, but if it is more polite, then why ????
