Try to find out what this means: El atributo, María José Navarro
I am correcting the last killer thread today, so you have to be a tad patient. However, I have found this very funny text in the paper today, so I hope you are willing to have a go at it. very difficult.
This is meant for advanced students. Lots of expressions and idioms. I hope you like it.
This time,,I want to tell me : why did she say the bolded parts, not only the meaning.
Igual que creo que hay cosas hechas expresamente para provocar la alegría en el ser humano (los perros, por ejemplo), estoy convencida de que hay otras pensadas para amargarnos el carácter hasta el vinagre: los aeropuertos. En Madrid hay una versión masoca que consigue la misma sensación que la tortura por el procedimiento de la gota malaya: la T4, un parque temático de la dificultad porque sí, de la distancia sin venir a cuento y de la pérdida de tiempo absurda, incluido todo ello en el precio de cualquiera de los deliciosos sándwiches de plástico que se pueden comprar a cambio de un pastizal indecente. A mí me toca salir o llegar de la T4 y la noche de antes no pego ojo. Me cojo un cabreo como una mona. Si el personal ayuda, es decir, si mira hacia otro lado cuando la gente no respeta las colas y se cuela y tú les dices oiga que se le están colando y el tipo malencarado te espeta a mí no se me está colando nadie así que allá Vd, entonces ya me dan ganas de sacar una plancha ardiendo y ponérmela en un muslo para evitar los bocaos al aire. Por lo visto, a George Clooney le preocupa el escáner ese que van a instalar en los aeropuertos, y a servidora le parece, con perdón, una majadería. Le preocupa a Clooney el escáner por los aprovechados que puedan sacar tajada de ver a través de los calzoncillos por aquello de «el atributo» y a una, que es fan del tipo, le desencanta el tipo con estas antiguallas. A mí, sin embargo, me preocupa mucho más el equipaje de mano, porque mi madre acostumbra a echarme unas peras y un cuchillo, y doy siempre un espectáculo lamentable. Y me preocupa mucho más, pero mucho, la indignidad a la que se nos somete actualmente. Lo de quitarme las botas lo llevo de pena. Cuando no es una patata es un calcetín con bolas o un talón implorando una lavadora. Así que, si el escáner me evita la escena, bendito sea y ya me encargaré yo de ir con la muda limpia. Que es, finalmente, lo importante.
42 Answers
Sheila, correcting:
Just as I believe that there are certain thing created specifically to bring joy to humankind (dogs, for example), I am convinced that there are others designed to make us as sour as vinegar; airports.
In Madrid there is a masochistic version that feels just like the Malayan water torture.
Terminal 4, an obstacle course because of the ridiculous distances and the absurd waste of time that are part of the price of those delicious plastic sandwiches that can be bought for the cost of a small fortune
As for me, I have to depart or arrive from T4 and the night before, I don't sleep a wink. It makes me as mad as a monkey.
If the public/crowd, good job helps, that is to say, if they look the other way when people do not stay in line, and let them jump the queues and you tell them Oy you are letting this guy cut and the sour-faced bloke tells me straight that he isn't letting queue jump anybody so mind your own business then it makes me want to take out a hot iron and brand me with it in order not to scream my head off
Apparently, George Clooney is worried about the scanner that they are going to install in airports, and that seems to this reporter, pardon me, absurd.
Clooney is worried about the scanner because of opportunists that can get something out of (take advantage of ) seeing his "attributes" through his underpants and I, being a fan of his, was rather put off at this nonsense.
In my case, however, I worry much more about the hand baggage, because my mother is always throwing in some pears and a knife, and I always cause a dreadful scene. And I worry much more, by far, about the indignity which we undergo at the moment. When I remove my boots I am embarassed. If there isn't a huge hole-----good job
, the socks are old and fluffy or they desperately need washing.
So if the scanner saves me a scene, bless it, and I will make sure I go with a clean change of underwear. That is, in the end, the most important thing.
Cuando no es una patata es un calcetín con bolas o un talón implorando una lavadora.
This is the last sentence I would like to point out.
This man's patata en el calcetín got to make it to the front page of some newspapers
:
calcetines con bolitas
Calcetines como nuevos. (Trucos Mia/Colada) Para que a los calcetines no les salgan esas feas bolitas que les hacen parecer viejos, lávalos siempre del revés y los conservarás como el primer día. ...
mas alla de la complejidad de la escritura, estos españoles estan del "tomate" yo no se si tiene algun sentido para alguien que quiere aprender la lengua tener que leer cosas de este calibre. Tan locales, tan exageradas y sobre todo rebuscadas. Yo no se...
una plancha ardiendo y ponérmela en un muslo
I spoke with Valerie about this and she said it went right over her head, funny expression by the way.
So, the fact is she is applying a hot iron to her leg. So far so good, but I wanted to know why.
I guess you have to know about catholic nuns to guess that
Nuns , they say they still do 
, use cilicios to punish themselves.
Un cilicio es una prenda de vestir o accesorio utilizado para provocar deliberadamente incomodidad o sufrimiento en quien lo viste. Su uso estuvo extendido durante mucho tiempo en las diversas comunidades cristianas como medio de mortificación corporal, buscando así combatir las tentaciones de la carne
One of the most used cilicio was this one above, applied to the leg and so when , as nuns often worked in schools, a child would come sit on their lap, the torture would be really rough.
The hot iron version is a variation of the self torture method and the application to the leg gives you the direct relation to the religious context.
si mira hacia otro lado cuando la gente no respeta las colas y se cuela y tú les dices oiga que se le están colando y el tipo malencarado te espeta a mí no se me está colando nadie así que allá Vd,
Here some people got confused by who is saying what
Let me put this somewhat clearer:
si la gente mira hacia otro lado cuando otra gente no respeta las colas y estos se cuelan y tú les dices ( a los que miran pero no dicen nada) oiga que se le están colando (this guy is skipping the line in front of you) y el tipo ( the guy who is just in front of you or the guy who is letting the other guy skip the line) malencarado te espeta a mí no se me está colando nadie así que allá Vd,
Alba, great job, you got that nicely
Si el personal ayuda
Now this was one part nobody got without a hint, I never thought this was so weird, but of course, as I said before, all this is said in Spain, as it seems in Spain only, I did try to get some natives over to the thread...but nobody dared
Actually I have been trying to find this on the web, and could not find a good example, difficult, obviously only used in Madrid
Best translation: crowd, people,
Some difficult parts
un parque temático de la dificultad porque sí,
for the sake of being difficult (good job, Izan)
de la distancia sin venir a cuento
absurd amounts of time This was said by everybody, great
de un pastizal indecente. in exchange for an indecent sum (Great alba
This was not so easy to get, pastizal is a very slangy superlative version of "pasta", slang for money.
no pego ojo
no pegar ojo, everybody got this. I don’t sleep a wink
I guess you were all borne in Madrid
This has certainly been the killer of the year so far, as it seems. No natives participating means that those who did try have been very brave
I asked you to find out the origin of some parts, like for example this one:
la tortura por el procedimiento de la gota malaya
Found by chappari, good job
A la violencia sádica de los suplicios de Mirbeau, la “gota malaya” añade su implacable lentitud. Consistente en hacer caer sobre la frente del torturado una gota de agua fría cada cinco segundos, esta tortura a cámara lenta terminaba volviendo locas a sus desdichadas víctimas y reventando a los pocos días su sistema cardiovascular.
We often refer to this torture as "gota china".
También solemos denominar tortura china algo dificilmente soportable o algo que es muy pesado, a royal pain
Wordreference.com says that "patata" can mean "Cosa muy mal hecha o de muy baja calidad". This is what made me think that she was saying that the boot was poorly made.
Maybe the "calcetín con bolas" could be a sock with those little fuzzy balls that they get sometimes but that seems really odd in English. You can't just say "a sock with balls". Maybe a "fuzzy sock" but that barely makes sense.
I've seen a couple of references to "una plancha ardiendo" concerning la Teoría de la relatividad del tiempo: "dura más un segundo con un brazo pegado a una plancha ardiendo que una tarde entera con quien tú quieres estar." So, maybe she's saying that she feels like speeding up time. This is obviously just a guess.
The suspense is killing me, Heidi.
Okay, I'm really not happy with parts of this, and Heidi, I have no idea where the bolded parts come from... I'm really not even sure what they mean. But after just over 5 hrs of struggling with this... me rindo. Here's my attempt:
Just as I believe there are things created expressly to engender happiness in a human being (dogs, for example), I am convinced that there are others which were conceived just to make our lives as bitter as vinegar: airports. In Madrid, there’s a masochistic example which provokes the same sensation as Chinese Water Torture: the T4, a theme park of inconvenience because yes, the distances for no apparent reason and the absurd loss of time are all included in the price of one of those delicious plastic sandwiches which one can buy for an indecent amount of money. When I get to leave or arrive through T4, the night before I don’t sleep a wink. It makes me furious. If a bunch of friends help each other out, that is, if they look the other way when people don’t pay attention to the lines and cut in, and you say to them, listen, you’re skipping him, and the horrid guy spits out nobody’s breaking in front of ME, so get out of here, at that point I’m dying to take out a burning iron and stick it on my thigh to avoid snapping at the air. Apparently, George Clooney is worried about the scanner they’re going to install in the airports, but to this humble servant that seems to be, forgive me, a bunch of nonsense. Clooney is worried that some opportunists might take advantage of the scanner to see through his underwear to his “attributes”, and this kind of garbage really repels this writer, who is a fan of this guy. What bothers me more, however, is the carry-on baggage, because my mom usually packs me some pears and a knife, and I create a lamentable scene. And I’m more bothered, very much more so, by the indignities we’re subjected to these days. This idea of taking off your boots – it embarrasses me. When it’s not a malfunction it’s a sock with shoe polish on it or a heel begging for a washing machine. Therefore, if the scanner lets me avoid this scene, God bless it, and I’ll take on the responsibility of carrying around a clean change of underwear. Which is, in the end, the important thing.
btw I didn't look at anyone else's attempt before I posted this...
This is the only thing that I could find out about "una plancha ardiendo." It's excerpted from a BBC article that describes a young girls horrible ordeal of being beaten and burned by her grandmother for refusing to allow herself to be circumcised and then, after being left homeless she is forced into prostitution. I'm not sure, however, that this was the reference that was being made because the bocados al aire has me a bit confused.
De la ablación de clítoris a la prostitución en Europa
[L]a BBC destacaba el devastador testimonio de una joven nigeriana de 19 años que, bajo nombre supuesto y tras conseguir escapar de sus captores, relataba cómo se había visto forzada a huir de la casa familiar tras negarse a las exigencias de su abuela para que fuera aliviada de la pecadora carga de su clítoris.
Como la joven se negó en redondo a la ablación, recibió palizas que concluyeron con la propia abuela abrasando los muslos de la rebelde joven con una plancha ardiendo. Al quedarse sin hogar cayó en manos de una red que la prometió trabajo en Europa. Ya en tierra de promisión, era obligada a acostarse con entre seis y diez hombres cada día, y a dormir en la misma cama después. Como persuasivos correctivos, recibía palizas de sus captores si hacía algo que no les gustaba mientras también por ellos era violada “una y otra vez”, en una vida que transcurrió siempre encerrada en su habitación, con las únicas salidas permitidas al cuarto de baño.
I really want to know the iron part, you should be able to find that out. and the patata...hmmmm, let's see
Great, I got one more taker
May be you can all wait for Valerie, this has been really difficult
I know this is really late, but it's the first time I've had the time...
Just as I believe there are things made expressly to provoke joy in being human (dogs, for example), I am convinced that there are others thought up just to embitter us to the point of vinegar: I mean, airports. In Madrid there is a masochistic version which manages to induce the same sensation as Chinese wáter torture: the T4, a theme park of difficulty, because yes, the distance from anything relevant and the absurd waste of time, even including the price of any of those delicious plastic sandwiches that you can buy in exchange for an indecent pile of money. When I have to leave or return to the T4, I don´t get a minute of shut-eye the night before. I end up pissed off as a hangover. If someone is “helpful”, that is to say, if they look the other way when people don´t respect the lines and cut in and you say, look, they are cutting in and the cheeky b**** spits out nobody´s cutting in on me, its up to you, then I get the urge stick a hot poker through his leg to avoid hyperventilating. Obviously, George Clooney is worried about the scanners they are going to install in airports, which this humble reporter thinks, with all due respect, is a crock. Clooney is worried about the go-getters who might take advantage of the chance to see through people´s underclothes to their private “attributes”, and to one who is a fan of the guy, such antique thinking is off-putting. For me, on the other hand, hand luggage is much more worrisome, because my mother is used to tossing in a couple of pears and a knife, and so I always make a sorry spectacle. And I worry even more, much more, about the latest indignity that we submit ourselves to. That business of taking off my boots seems really atrocious to me. When its not an outmoded shoe, its a sock with fuzzy pills on it or a heel begging to be washed. So, if the scanner can avoid a scene for me, god bless it and I´ll make sure to come with a clean set of underwear. Which is, in the end, all that matters.
Notes: there are many google hits for "bocaos al aire", spelled like that, but no translations. One is a youtube video of a dog that seems to be hyperventilating...
I think both "la gota malaya" and "una plancha ardiendo" are torture methods. In English we usually refer to "Chinese water torture", and the red-hot poker was supposed to be a favorite medieval method, although most of the cites I found on that were too grisly...
the only thing I could come up with for patata was an RAE definition as an outmoded object. It's such a common word that searching for it is really difficult.
calcetín con bolas was also really hard, I'm just guessing it refers to when the fabric gets "pilled".
Coterie, new word, does that mean like crowd?
I thought I was on the right track
Anyway, a coterie is along the lines of a select group, or a clique or circle.
Coterie implies a small, intimate somewhat select group of people associated because of social or other reasons.
Circle suggests any group of people having a similar interest or pursuit.
Clique Refers to a small, highly exclusive group, often within a larger one, and implies snobbery or selfishness
I thought that it might be something along the lines of one of these...especially a coterie or clique, but I suppose that I am still missing something here.
