Can we all get along?
Recently, I have received several messages from multiple users about the tone of our forum and I have noticed it as well. Because this is a learning forum, every person, question, and answer is welcome as long as it follows the rules and guidelines which includes being polite. It is not okay to tell someone they have a stupid question, jab at a person for not knowing something that may be obvious to you, or reply sarcastically. We are all here because we want to learn or teach a language we love, so let us welcome all questions with an open heart and patience and think about our answers before we post them. Does it answer the question? Is it polite? Would you want someone to speak to you in that manner?
Also, if you feel like something someone else writes is offensive or negative, take a moment to think about it. Is it possible you are taking it more seriously than may be meant? Or interpreting a word differently? Remember that we are in a forum where we communicate with written word and it can be difficult sometimes to get our true point across.
So my question is this: Can we please all take another look at the updated rules and guidelines, read them carefully, and abide by them? Also, can we all start apologizing a little bit more? If someone is offended, apologize first, then explain what you were trying to say. I want every single person to feel like they are a part of the fun-loving learning community I know.
18 Answers
I agree wholeheartedly with Paralee's sentiments. The problem is that most members have not even looked at the rules and guidelines of this forum to see what we are aiming for. If you see a post that you cannot answer without causing offence or making the poster look stupid, then please, please just ignore it.
This is a friendly forum. This is our goal and I think as a general idea we are reaching this goal. 
We sometimes have to implement some rules which are not followed, lately I am reminding forers they have to use correct spelling etc. and some might be upset. However, it is sometimes unpopular to take decisions and we are sorry if this makes you feel uncomfortable. But we would like to make this place the best if not at least the second best forum on the web.
We have had some complaints about some unfriendly posts and language on the forum, and we also had complaints before, have a look at this thread:
I would like to ask everybody to follow the rules and keep this forum as friendly as possible. Disputes on a community cannot be avoided if you ask me, not even on a virtual one. But please use the PM function for these kind of "discussions". 
There are also a lot of misunderstandings as the written word can often sound grumpy or unfriendly, but the forer might not even be aware of this.
so let's give it a harder try, Keep this forum friendly
Paralee:
You have my whole hearted support in this concern.
......I suggest that if members sees an entry in the forum that irks or "bugs" them they should simply ignore it. It is better to do nothing than it is to write an unkind remark.
......There is always the risk that an entry has been misunderstood by the reader. Perhaps the initiator's command of the language in which the posting is written is not "native" and was flawed in its compostion by error.
......"Constructive" suggestions do not hide any venom.
......I also support your comment that a reply should address itself to the question that was posed by the initiator. Is the reply
(1) True
(2) Kind, and
(3) Necessary
Recuerdos/Best Wishes
Moe
There is always the risk that an entry has been misunderstood by the reader. Perhaps the initiator's command of the language in which the posting is written is not "native" and was flawed in its compostion by error.
This observation applies not only to a forum but to learning/speaking a foreign language in general. Be very careful about thinking that you are being insulted/belittled. While it is, of course possible, there are huge and numerous possibilities for misunderstanding when people try to communicate across a language gap. Someone may be mistranslating, unfamiliar idioms may be involved, even well translated phrases/expressions can have very different emotional overtones, etc.
I agree with Paralee completely. I moderate a forum as well and I do realise there are dark sides of the job, too.
I suggest closing this thread and getting rid of the above, excusez le mot, troll. I don't think he/she will take any ofence.
Hi Robert:
Can we all get along?
Obviously not.
Let's hope we can , after all this is a friendly forum, in spite of multiple differences. I have seen many a forum where people KILL each other. So let's at least try.
( We are sorry we had to close the thread for some time, as there was a banned forer spamming this thread, thanks for understanding.)
Some of you will not be surprised to see all this forers comments gone:
spainrain
This forer came in as Ikpuede and was banned from this forum, warning us that he would be back.
And he sure is- but he is off as soon as we notice.
However, I am with Marianne on this: We should repost the question, jeje, as people have taken this thread to use it as a personal revenge or something.
Tolife, we cannot be everybody's friend. Administrators often have to take unpopular decisions and we get complaints. However, this is the very first time that anybody ever complained about Eddy, I think the creator got a lot more complaints about me, no doubt about that. 
Eddy and I are trying to be fair. We get complaints and we try to deal with them as fairly as possible. We send letters and we try to calm things down. Sometimes we seem to be defending one forer over the other, but always try to do what is best for the forum
Rules must be applied and followed by everybody, but we also see a lot of personal misunderstandings as proven here. Tolife, Eddy was trying to be helpful and you accuse him of being rude.
This happens all the time on forums and in real life, we should really behave as grown ups and deal with this as such. I do wonder where all these misunderstandings come from and how they happen. 
What can I say to you, Eddy? You and I both speak English and understand the contextual meaning of your comment...and most especially the implicit tone. To cite a dictionary definition is not being authentic or honest. The choice of that word embodied, to a greater or lesser degree, all of the qualities I stated above. As an administrator on a site such as this, one has a special duty to use words in a conscious manner. You didn't do that. But, defend away...
In the end, my comment stands: Modeling of behaviors begin from the center and ripple outwards. Yours -- towards a new member simply asking a question the best way I could -- was NOT good modeling for kindness and consideration.
But, the good news is that I FORGIVE YOU!!! 
Yes, Paralee. I too am in total agreement with your statements...but this also must be practiced even more so by those on this site who identify themselves as "administrators." While I had let go of a rather rude and inappropriate response by administrator "Eddy" on this site, your post today has changed my mind and so I am writing about it.
Below is a link to a question I asked a few days ago about the meaning of some Maná lyrics. As you'll see, my tone was polite as I was trying to get a grasp on the lyrics...but, more than that, on the use of "quisiera". If you'll go down a bit, you'll see that Eddy was quite fine in communicating with another, third person on the site regarding my post using the word "fixated". You are a native English speaker and therefore it is clear to you that his tone here is belittling, condescending, judgmental and all the other negative qualities we all would like to keep off the site.
The interesting thing is that my question about the use of that word in the lyrics brought up other questions from folks who were unclear about its usage in that context. In the end, the consensus was that the use was more poetic than anything.
Still, the point is that I certainly do support and applaud your intention to keep the discussion on the site filled with kindness and acceptance. My one bit of advice, however, is that you make certain that those most responsible for setting the tone on this site -- the administrators -- be the first and foremost examples of the HIGHER qualities and not the lower ones. The link is included below.
http://www.spanishdict.com/answers/101633/man-lyrics-help
Thank you for your post Paralee. I was going to email you about this as well. I have noticed in my short time here (a couple of weeks) that several people are fairly snarky with their comments. I've seen people get "yelled" at for misspelling a word and for other such atrocities. Having been a teacher myself, I feel that it's better to gently point out an error rather than treat that person like they are stupid. Case in point, there was a question today, where someone misspelled Español. I'm sure it was misspelled by accident, they used an n instead of an ñ and some of the comments were very harsh. I'm sorry but that is not right!
Some other things that I have noticed is that people can close down, edit and flag for deletion other people's threads. While there may be a time and a place where all that is necessary, I feel that giving those "powers" to many that have a certain number of reputation points can lead to it being abused. Perhaps, only a couple of moderators should have that power.
The other day I posted a question that I had on the forum. There was nothing wrong with the question I posted. I followed the "rules" and someone still flagged it. They were called out in my thread for doing that many times. Now, my question did not get deleted and was answered, but it really annoyed me that someone could have deleted it.
Many of us are learning Spanish or English and may/probably will ask questions that some find "stupid", but do they have a right to delete questions they don't like? I don't think they should. Remember, we were all once beginners ourselves. Everyone makes mistakes! To belittle that people that make mistakes, makes you look like a bully.
I would like to finally add that I believe Paralee opened this thread to try to get people to be more tolerant towards each other and not for it to be used as a battering ram to hit each other. It is obvious from the comments made that there are differences between various members on this forum and we would hope these are sorted out privately, between themselves, within the PM system and not aired openly. If this cannot be achieved then by all means contact Heidi or me and we will do whatever we can to resolve the situation amicably, hopefully to everyone’s satisfaction. If, however, you have a complaint regarding Heidi or myself then please report it to either Christopher or Paralee and again not air it on an open thread. This post is now being closed to further comments.
Is it possible to block someone so you don't see their posts? I've seen only a few rude posts (only one was to me) but I've noticed they're all from the same person. I've just decided to ignore the person but it would be great if I didn't have to see their content at all.
Everyone else has been friendly and gone out of their way to be polite and helpful.
Hi Spainrain,
How friendly is this?
I see how you might take this as offensive by some of the words that he chose to use, especially absurd, and ridiculous.
However, in his use of these words, he is not attacking the speaker. Saying that "the insinuation that all Spaniards are all proper and formal is absurd" is, if anything a jab at his own native country (as I believe that Lazarus is from Spain). Basically, he is saying that it is funny that people think that all Spaniards speak immaculate and proper Spanish, and that anyone who holds that opinion is definitely misinformed.
Again with the end of his post, he uses the word ridiculous to voice his opinion of the idea that all Spaniards are trained in some special form of "proper" Spanish.
The rudest accusation that he made to you in this regard (if you were the one that he was responding to) was that you were misinformed on this account. As he is likely basing his comments from anecdotal evidence from his own experiences, his comments are not necessarily rude, but may be sprinkled with a bit of hubris. Of course whose to say. Now, I am not going to be an apologist for anybody on this website, but I think that this may be one of those ambiguous cases where it is sometimes difficult to glean intent and where words can get misconstrued.
No matter the intent, it is probably just best to take the high road on this one
Dear Eddy. Again, your words and tone here are terrible. I was done with my comments. But, thank you for responding in such an angry and belittling way, basically ordering me around, to say "absolutely nothing" as this final message belies your demeaning manner. you are WAY over the top here. My final word is, whoever you are in life, your anger and judgment of others is not well-served in a forum such as this...especially as an administrator.
Good luck to you
Can we all get along?
Obviously not.
