sentence too long? coherent?

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There's no coincidence, you have found the one that has brought you here today because you have trodden similar paths, and the Tao of Nature recognizes the collective effort needed to serve its Divine purpose.

(Thank you for your help).

1737 views
updated MAY 12, 2009
posted by 00b83c38

2 Answers

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I really appreciate your help and admire your flair for writing. Just so that you understand, the English versions are guides for Chinese translators and also for a possible book in the future. The Spanish versions are written in a narrative style because they are for me to give the talk to the Spanish crowd and also for distribution as support material since we don't have much literature in anything else besides Chinese. The wording is designed for people that are new to Tao, therefore sometimes I try to make it a bit repetitious and using the precise language, as for example saying 'your introducer', rather than 'the One that walked beside you', although I really like the way you wrote it and might even use it since is not in Spanish, is for the translators and they could translate it in any way they like. Thanks for your comments and explanations, I'm learning a lot here at the Forum.

updated MAY 12, 2009
posted by 00b83c38
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woajiaorobert:

A couple of days ago, you told me you had not asked for a translation, into english, of what you had written in spanish. I accept that. But, today, you posed your document and your question in english. I can handle that in my own language without any transgression. wink Count me in.

First, I do not like long sentences. Compound sentences do not well serve the active verbs that can be placed in them. Consider the following:

There's no coincidence,
It was not mere coincidence that brought you here today.

you have found the one that has brought you here today because you have trodden similar paths,
Without knowing it, you have walked beside the one who has lead you to this place in your life.

and the Tao of Nature recognizes the collective effort needed to serve its Divine purpose.
The Tao which is within you and the companion who brought you here recognizes the collective effort needed to serve it's own Divine purpose.

It all fits together like this:

It was not mere coincidence that brought you here today. Without knowing it, you have walked beside the One who has lead you to this place in your life. The Tao, which is within you and within the companion who brought you here, recognizes the collective effort needed to serve it's own Divine purpose.

As I may have said before, I'm a little bit overdramatic, but it works for me. It is just an idea and as always you are free to accept, reject, or alter it. I've enjoyed watching you as you try to develop and polish your work.

Thanks for listening (with your eyes).

updated MAY 12, 2009
posted by Moe