El esta arriba, ya no hay remedio; el cielo esta rayado de azul

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Azucena scene 21 '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

El esta arriba, ya no hay remedio; el cielo esta rayado de azul
locamente sobre él; se agarra fuertemente con la mano izquierda,

Usa sus rodillas para abrazar los lados del toro sus piernas duelen
por la presión, su tensión mezcla con la furia enardecida del animal.

Su mano derecha mueve hacia la cara del sol describe ruedas sobre él;
yendo primero en un arco circular y después yendo en dirección opuesta.

Las sombras de gente en la barrera temporal se adelgaza locamente a
lo largo del piso polvoso con latas de cerveza del estadio del pueblo.

El arreglo colorido del festejo abarca el salvaje galopar;
las caras brillantes de los vecinos exhaltados en la fiesta.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

His right hand waves at the face of heaven, describes wheels above him
of clouds streaking first in one circular arc then reversing direction.

The boy uses his knees to grip the bull's flanks, his thighs ache
with exertion, his tension merges with the beast's writhing fury.

He is on, it is too late now; the heavens are streaked with blue;
and swung crazily above him; he holds on tight with his left hand.

The shadows of people on the makeshift arena barríer stretch crazily
across the dusty and beer can-littered floor of the village stadium.

The colorful panoply of the festive gathering surrounds the wild ride;
the shining faces of boisterous villagers in attendance at the fiesta.

IN ADVANCE, THANKS FOR HELP & COLLABORATION IN THE CORRECTION, REFINEMENT,
IMPROVEMENT OF THIS EXPERIMENTAL SCENE-A-DAY NOVELA AND SCREEN TREATMENT
WHETHER THE CONTRIBUTION BE TO THE SPANISH OR TO THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TEXT.

3430 views
updated MAY 11, 2009
posted by Martin-Rizzi

7 Answers

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Thanks a lot for your help with this experimental work.

updated MAY 11, 2009
posted by Martin-Rizzi
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There are some heavy duty romantic scenes there Martin...and those Bulls!...that's some risky bussiness. Felicidades, I wish you the best of luck.

updated MAY 11, 2009
posted by 00b83c38
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Thank you very much for your rewrite it is helpful.
I see what you mean by confusing
i had a hard time coordinating
your corrections/suggestions with the master word document
which was written in the interpolated form of verses
some parts were written in spanish
some parts in english
started out as a language-learning project
the campesina women would tranlate it back and forth
working with a spanishe-english dictionary
certain parts were written in that way
other parts were filled in over time
to serve as a sort of screen treatment
for a digital photo-novela or a video novela
there are 240 scenes
this scenes 17-25 are the only scenes we have yet filmed

http://www.youtube.com/watch'v=suWJJTqGSow Azucena Trailer

it is irregular quality as we were still learning it all then
http://www.youtube.com/watch'v=suWJJTqGSow still this trailer
illustrates precisely the scenes we have been going over here
to provide a better appreciation of what we have been creating
the help received here at spanish dict has been very welcome
i have tried to keep up with it because it improves the texts.

updated MAY 11, 2009
posted by Martin-Rizzi
0
votes

El está arriba, ya no hay remedio; el cielo esta rayado de azul
locamente sobre él; se agarra fuertemente con la mano izquierda,
con sus rodillas se ciñe a los lados del toro, sus piernas dolidas
por la presión, su tensión SE UNE A la furia enardecida del animal.
Su mano derecha, revolviéndose frente a **la cara del sol, **DIBUJA **ruedas sobre él; **trazando círculos de nubes en una dirección , y luego a la inversa.
Las sombras de aquellos detrás de la barrera temporal se ** estira insensatamente**, a lo largo del POLVORIENTO **piso **LLENO DE latas de cerveza **ESPARCIDAS SOBRE EL **estadio del pueblo.
El arreglo colorido del festejo abarca el salvaje galopar;
las caras brillantes de los vecinos **EXALTADOS **en la fiesta.

updated MAY 11, 2009
posted by 00b83c38
0
votes

His right hand waves at the face of Heaven, DEPICTS wheels above him,
of clouds streaking in a circular MOTION, then reversing direction.
The boy uses his knees to grip the bull's flanks, his thighs ache
with exertion, his tension merges with the beast's writhing fury.
He is on, it is too late now; the Heavens are streaked with blue;
MOVING TO AND FRO crazily above him; he holds on tight with his left hand.
The shadows of people on the makeshift arena barrier, stretch crazily
across the dusty and beer can-littered floor of the village stadium.
The colorful panoply of the festive gathering surrounds the wild ride;
the shining faces of boisterous villagers in attendance at the fiesta.

updated MAY 11, 2009
posted by 00b83c38
0
votes

The English looks fine. The second line is the only one that's a bit awkward. Maybe:

His right hand waves at the face of heaven, describes wheels above him

**like the clouds, it circles first in one direction, then back the opposite way.

**
Otherwise it looks pretty good.

Is there some reason you changed the order from the Spanish? You've swapped the first and third couplets.

updated MAY 10, 2009
posted by Kurt-Jaeger
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votes

Hi Martin, much easiere to read this way, keep it up!

updated MAY 10, 2009
posted by 00494d19