Help me please I need to post this in my practice's blog

Question

My name is Carlos García and I am 33 years old, I am from Colombia and I live in Cali, but my hometown is Timbiquí a small town located in the Colombian Pacific Cost. I am a business administrator graduated from UNAD university in Colombia. I work for a bank named Banco Pichincha. My job position is as a commercial adviser where I have to visit several public institutions such as schools and police stations in order to offer them the bank’s portfolio. My work’s journal is divided by 80% external work, it means outside of office and 20% in. To be honest, I have to tell you something: when I am working outside, sometimes it is very stressful due to treat with prospects and clients it is a bit difficult because each one have a different story and personality, however, this become in something pretty gratifying when you can meet their needs. I created this blog, because I am learning English and I need to practice my writing. So you, feel free to correct the mistakes that you can identify I would grateful to you. I will be sharing some experience and things through this blog, in order to enhance my English. Thanks for Reading.

Versión Español

Mi nombre es Carlos García y tengo 33 años, soy de Colombia y actualmente me encuentro viviendo en Cali, pero mi ciudad natal es Timbiquí, el cual es un pequeño pueblo ubicado en la costa pacifica colombiana. Soy profesional en administración de empresas graduado en la universidad UNAD de Colombia. Actualmente me encuentro trabajando en el Banco Pichincha como asesor comercial en donde debo visitar varias instituciones públicas, tales como, colegios y estaciones de policías, con el fin de ofrecerles el portafolio del banco. Mi jornada laboral se divide en un 80% de trabajo externo, es decir, por fuera de la oficina y un 20% interno. Para ser honesto, debo decirles que el trabajo es a veces muy estresante cuando trabajo fuera de la oficina, ya que tratar con los clientes es un poco difícil debido a que cada uno tiene una historia y personalidad diferentes. Sin embargo, esto se vuelve algo muy gratificante cuando puedes satisfacer las necesidades de cada uno de ellos. Creé este blog, porque estoy aprendiendo inglés y necesito practicar mi escritura, de modo que siéntanse libres para corregir cualquier error que identifiquen, se los agradecería. Estaré compartiendo muchas experiencias a través de este blog, con el fin de mejorar mi inglés. Gracias por leer.

Hi Carlos I live in the UK and have woken up to see you have added the Spanish but Echoline has already corrected your text so there is nothing for me to do! - Mardle, Sep 23, 2017

I see you work in business administration rather than graduating in it. As you had mentioned later that you worked as a commercial adviser I wasn't sure. The Spanish clarifies it and teaches me. Thank you. - Mardle, Sep 23, 2017

Echoline correctly guessed it and as she is American is better for you. - Mardle, Sep 23, 2017

Answer 1

Welcome, Carlos. Thank you for writing. You have done an excellent job, and everything that you have written can be clearly understood. That being said, it would be easy to identify that you are not a native English speaker. I have made the following changes to your post, but please be assured that if I tried to do the exact same thing in Spanish that my attempt would fall woefully short of yours. Please keep writing to us.

My name is Carlos García and I am 33 years old, I am from Colombia and I live in Cali, but my hometown is Timbiquí, a small town located in the Colombian Pacific coast. I am a business administrator who graduated from UNAD university in Colombia. I work for a bank called Banco Pichincha. I work as a commercial advisor, offering my bank's portfolio to various public institutions including schools and police stations. About 80% of my time is spent outside the office, which honestly can become stressful because of the wide variety of clients that I encounter. However, it is quite gratifying to be able to meet a client's needs. I created this blog because I am learning English and I need to practice my writing. So please feel free to correct any mistakes that you find. I would really appreciate it. I will be sharing some experiences and other thoughts through this blog, in order to improve my English. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Thank you so much for helping me to correct my post. I loved it. It is so useful to improve (not enhance) my English comunication. - Carlos8357, Sep 23, 2017

Answer 2

Welcome to the forum. Your English is good, but needs a little polish. Some things are minor like cost [costa] instead of coast. However I am confused in some places eg I am a business administrator graduated from UNAD university in Colombia

Was your degree [carrera] in business administration?

It would help if you added a Spanish version of the English. I would learn from your beautifully written Spanish and will be clear how you wanted to phrase the English.

There is an edit button so you can add it to your post.

Gracias

Thanks Mardle, I already edit the post and I added the Spanish version - Carlos8357, Sep 23, 2017

'I have already edited'. Correction for your info as I know you cannot change comments. I think have edited may be more popular in the UK but you do need edited. - Mardle, Sep 23, 2017