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Am I Using Preterite/Imperfect Correctly In My Short Story

Am I Using Preterite/Imperfect Correctly In My Short Story

3
votes

Me mudé a España con mis padres. No quise salir a Los Estados Unidos porque mi familia y amigos estaban allí pero era necesario por el trabajo de mi padre. Cuando llegué a España, me gustaba mucho porque las personas eran muy simpáticas. Mi madre dijo que el café era muy delicioso.

Mi casa estaba en el centro de la ciudad de Madrid. Era un apartamento grande y nuevo con tres dormitorios. Mi apartamento rodeaba por otro edificios de apartamentos y lugares de interés turísticos. Estaba en el octavo piso y tenía muchas ventanas. La vista de toda la ciudad desde mis ventanas era impresionante. El vecindario era tranquillo a pesar de que Madrid era una ciudad muy famosa y ajetreada. Mis vecinos eran muy agradables y bien educados conmigos. Yo conocí una chica se llamaba Amy que era mi vecino y ella era mi mejor amiga.

I moved to Spain with my parents. I didn't want to leave the USA because my family and friends were there but it was necessary to move for my dad's job. When I arrived in Spain, I liked it a lot because the people there were all very nice. My mom had said that the coffee was also very delicious.

My house was in the center of the city of Madrid. It was a big and new apartment with three bedrooms. My apartment was surrounded by other apartment buildings and tourist attractions. It was on the third floor and there were many windows. The view of the whole city from my window was breath taking. The neighborhood was calm despite being in the middle of Madrid which was a very famous and busy city. When I arrived, my neighbors were very welcoming and polite with us. I met a girl name Amy who was my neighbor and she became my best friend.

1192 views
updated Oct 30, 2015
edited by suetyee2000
posted by suetyee2000
Hola. Your Spanish version is different of the English version in some lines. (You said "my window" singular and "mis ventanas" plural. - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
You said "third floor" (3) and "octavo piso" (8) - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
"Otro" singular "edificios" plural. Right is "otros edificios" - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
Your essay was corrected by 2 native speakers, Daniela2041 and Ikigreg. Some of my corrections were correct but not all so follow their advice and vote for both of them. - Jubilado, Oct 30, 2015
In English you said "being in the middle of Madrid..." but you didn't translated - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
"Madrid era una ciudad" this is wrong. Jubilado is right "Madrid que es....: - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
First you said "when I arrived" and then "....with us" so I suggest to pick for both sentences "I" or "we" - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
"es" is gramatically correct, but this sounded like a description in the past so I let "era" ride. - Daniela2041, Oct 30, 2015

4 Answers

2
votes

Me mudé a España con mis padres. No quería salir de Los Estados Unidos porque mi familia y amigos estaban allí pero fue necesario por el trabajo de mi padre. Cuando llegué a España, me gustó mucho porque las personas eran muy simpáticas. Mi madre decía que el café era delicioso .

Mi casa estaba en el centro de la ciudad de Madrid. Era un apartamento grande y nuevo con tres dormitorios. Mi apartamento estaba rodeado por otros edificios de apartamentos y lugares de interés turistico. Quedaba en el tercer piso y tenía muchas ventanas. La vista de toda la ciudad desde mi ventana era impresionante. El vecindario era tranquillo a pesar de estar en el centro de Madrid que es una ciudad muy famosa y ajetreada. A mi/nuestra llegada Mis vecinos fueron muy agradables y bien educados con nosotros/ conmigo . Conocí a una chica llamada Amy que era mi vecina y se convirtió en/llego a ser mi mejor amiga.

updated Oct 30, 2015
edited by Ikigreg
posted by Ikigreg
Third or eight floor? - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
"Muy delicioso" sounds...weird...funny - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
¿Muy rico es mejor? Cuando estaba en Colombia se usó mucho "rico." - Jubilado, Oct 30, 2015
Yes. Es mejor - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
Actually I could have rewritten the whole thing with a Spanish flavor. My intention was merely to help the student with a translation. - Daniela2041, Oct 30, 2015
Of course "rico" is correct, also "sabroso" which is used in Mexico. iklgreg uses "educado" for "polite" I prefer "cortés" The expression "para con" is not used by many, but I use it and like it. - Daniela2041, Oct 30, 2015
I did miss "es" I should have caught that. - Daniela2041, Oct 30, 2015
2
votes

My mom had said that the coffee was also very delicious.???!!!

You listed English as fluent. What's your native language?

updated Oct 30, 2015
posted by chileno
had said is correct. said could also be correct, but there is nothing wrong with had said. - TessaCoe, Oct 30, 2015
the form "had said" is correct in English, but how everything is being related, it does not make sense to me. Maybe an English native can butt in and say something about this. thanks. - chileno, Oct 30, 2015
2
votes

I'm not a native speaker but I wanted to give this a try. I hope a native speaker will respond: There seem to be very few places to use the imperfect in your story. Mostly I've change imperfect verb forms into the preterite and left a few unchanged. There were a few grammar errors that I saw. You should be able to figure out where these go:

No quería salir… pero fue necesario…. me gustó mucho porque la gente fue muy simpática…

Mi casa estuvo en…. Fue un apartamento… Otros edificios de apartamentos y lugares de interés turísticos rodearon el mío. Estuvo en el octavo y había muchas…. mis ventanas fue impresionante. El vecindario fue tranquillo…Madrid es (it still is so use present tense in both Spanish and English) …. conocí a una chica que se llama (again present tense) Amy….

updated Oct 30, 2015
posted by Jubilado
2
votes

There are various errors here. I will try to catch them all. I will put my corrections in bold.

Me mudé a España con mis padres. No quería ir a Los Estados Unidos porque mi familia y amigos estaban allí sino por causa del trabajo de mi padre. Cuando llegué a España, me gustó mucho porque las personas eran muy simpáticas. Mi madre dijo que el café era muy delicioso.

Mi casa estaba en el centro de la ciudad de Madrid. Era un apartamento grande y nuevo con tres dormitorios. Mi apartamento estaba rodeado de otros edificios de apartamentos y lugares de interés turístico. Estaba en el octavo piso y tenía muchas ventanas. La vista de toda la ciudad desde mis ventanas era impresionante. El vecindario era tranquillo a pesar de que Madrid era una ciudad muy famosa y ajetreada. Mis vecinos eran muy agradables y bien corteses para con nosotros. Yo conocí a una chica se llamaba Amy que era mi vecino y ella llegó a ser mi mejor amiga.

I moved to Spain with my parents. I didn't want to leave the USA because my family and friends were there but it was necessary to move for my dad's job. When I arrived in Spain, I liked it a lot because the people there were all very nice. My mom had said that the coffee was also very delicious.

My house was in the center of the city of Madrid. It was a big and new apartment with three bedrooms. My apartment was surrounded by other apartment buildings and tourist attractions. It was on the third floor and there were many windows. The view of the whole city from my window was breath taking. The neighborhood was calm despite being in the middle of Madrid which was a very famous and busy city. When I arrived, my neighbors were very welcoming and polite with us. I met a girl name Amy who was my neighbor and she became my best friend.

There may be other errors, but I think I have caught them all.

updated Oct 30, 2015
posted by Daniela2041
Muchas gracias, amiga. - Jubilado, Oct 30, 2015
"No quería ir a los estados unidos" wrong (she was leaving USA) you can translate as "No queria irme de los..." "No queria dejar los...." "No queria salir de..." - Ikigreg, Oct 30, 2015
I misunderstood the English. - Daniela2041, Oct 30, 2015