Please Proofread My Spanish Short Story

Question

I was hoping someone could proofread my short story for any grammar mistakes or if something just doesn't sound right. Thank you!

Hoy es sábado y Pepito García Martínez está muy contento porque no hay escuela. También, Pepito está emocionado porque su madre promete dar una vuelta al centro comercial para comprar los zapatos que quiere. Se viste rápidamente y ellos llegan a la tienda.

It is Saturday and Pepito is very happy because there is no school today. Also, Pepito is very excited because his mom promised him that she would take him to the mall to buy the shoes he's been wanting. He got dress very quickly and they went to the mall.

En la tienda, Pepito se prueba los zapatos del número nueve porque son más pequeños que el número diez, pero son pequenos. Entonces su madre recomienda que compre los zapatos del número nueve y medio. Le pide los zapatos del numero nueve y medio al cajero y el cajero dice, “Los zapatos cuestan cincuenta y cinco dólares.” Su madre cuenta su dinero y le da al cajero cincuenta y cinco dólares.

In the store, Pepito tried in the shoes in size 9 because size 10 was too big, but it was too small. So, his mom recommended him to buy a size 9.5. He asks the cashier to a size 9.5 and the cashier said ,"The shoes cost $55" His mom counts her money and gives the cashier $55.

Pepito sonríe y agradece a su madre y ellos vuelven a su casa caminando. Ellos están caminando cuando un perro persigue a ellos. El perro muerde a Pepito. Entonces se cae y se rompe el brazo. beep beep beep (sonido del despertador) Se despierta y se da cuenta de que era sólo un sueño y se siente aliviado.

Pepito smiles and thanks his mom and they return home by walking. They were walking when a dog starts chasing them. The dog bites Pepito and then he falls and breaks his arm. beep (the sounds of the alarm clock ringing) He wakes up and realizes it was just a dream and he felt relieved.

Please add the English version so we can be sure what you want to say. - rac1, Aug 31, 2015

Done! Thank you for the tip :) - Elledeli, Aug 31, 2015

Bien hecho - For a "beginner" it looks great to me. But wait for a native speaker to comment amiga. - ian-hill, Aug 31, 2015

Really good effort! - annierats, Aug 31, 2015

Answer 1

Hoy es sábado y Pepito García Martínez está muy contento porque no hay escuela. También, Pepito está emocionado porque su madre promete dar una vuelta al centro comercial para comprar los zapatos que quiere. Se viste rápidamente y ellos llegan a la tienda.

It is Saturday and Pepito is very happy because there is no school today. Also, Pepito is very excited because his mom promised him that she would take him to the mall to buy the shoes he's been wanting. He got dressed// very quickly and they went to the mall.

Suggestions: Hoy es EL sábado.. Su madre LE PROMETEíó que Iban a.. .. se VISTIó..ellos FUERON al gran almacen/la tienda.

Please note, I'm only another student. I have only done a small section, I hope more people will help.

My only critizism would be that, in both languages you jump between present and past tenses. - annierats, Aug 31, 2015