Proofread this for me, please?

Question

I went for a run to the park, it’s been a stressful day at work and running has always helped me relax. Normally I would go by myself but that day my sister insisted to keep me company, but to be honest, the one who really needed company was her since she had just broken up with her boyfriend.
My sister isn’t a very athletic person, and I know she doesn’t like running. Therefore it wasn’t easy for her to keep my pace and I found it quite annoying but after all, I wanted my sister to be happy. So I decided I would buy her some ice-cream, when suddenly out of nowhere a dog started chasing me. I didn’t know what to do, so I throw it some candies I had in my pocket to no avail.
My sister was lying in the grass laughing at me while I was getting exhausted. Luckily I jumped over the fence that was edging the park and I was able to flee. From that moment on, I decided I would sign up for the gym and forget about the park!

Just a couple of minor changes that I have outlined for you , good try otherwise. - ray76, Mar 10, 2015

Gracias :-D - Kuroka, Mar 10, 2015

Answer 1

I went for a run in the park. It had been a stressful day at work and running has always helped me relax. Normally I would go by myself(,) but that day my sister insisted on keeping me company, but (or however works too) to be honest, the one who really needed company was her(,) since she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

My sister isn’t a very athletic person, and I know she doesn’t like running. Therefore(,) it wasn't easy for her to keep my pace and I found it quite annoying: after all, I wanted my sister to be happy(,) so I decided I would buy her some ice-cream, when suddenly out of nowhere a dog started chasing me. I didn’t know what to do, so I threw it some candies I had in my pocket - to no avail.

My sister was lying in the grass laughing at me while I was getting exhausted. Luckily I jumped over the fence that surrounded the park and I was able to flee. From that moment on, I decided I would sign up for the gym and forget about the park!

Answer 2

I went for a run in the park; it had been a stressful day at work and running has always helped me relax. Normally I would go by myself, but that day my sister insisted on keeping me company, however to be honest, the one who really needed company was her since she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

My sister isn’t a very athletic person, and I know she doesn’t like running. Therefore it wasn’t easy for her to keep my pace and I found it quite annoying, but after all I wanted my sister to be happy. So I decided I would buy her some ice-cream, when suddenly out of nowhere a dog started chasing me. I didn’t know what to do, so I threw it some candies I had in my pocket- to no avail.

My sister was lying in the grass laughing at me while I was getting exhausted. Luckily I jumped over the fence that edged the park and I was able to flee. From that moment on, I decided I would sign up for the gym and forget about the park!

Very good effort.

I changed the second but to however simply to avoid using the same word twice. I went with the minimal changes otherwise, there might be other stylistic changes that other people would suggest.

thanks for your corrections! was edging is not possible? also, was bordered / being bordered are possible? thanks again! - Kuroka, Mar 10, 2015

Was edging is possible I guess, I just would more naturally choose edged- but as I reread it, I think it is okay as was edging. :) - bosquederoble, Mar 10, 2015

My comment is that Kuroka's idea to use "bordered the park" is better than "edged" or "edging". I think the more natural is "the fence surrounding the park". - Moe, Mar 11, 2015

Answer 3

I went for a run to the park, it’s been a stressful day at work and running has always helped me relax. Normally I would go by myself but that day my sister insisted "on keeping"me company, but to be honest, the one who really needed company was her since she had just broken up with her boyfriend. My sister isn’t a very athletic person, and I know she doesn’t like running. Therefore it wasn’t easy for her to keep my pace and I found it quite annoying but after all, I wanted my sister to be happy. So I decided I would buy her some ice-cream, when suddenly out of nowhere a dog started chasing me. I didn’t know what to do, so I threw it some candies I had in my pocket to no avail. My sister was lying in the grass laughing at me while I was getting exhausted. Luckily I jumped over the fence that was edging the park and I was able to flee. From that moment on, I decided I would sign up for the gym and forget about the park!