The Greg Sky: in English Part 1

Question

I woke up early in the mourning to the sounds of birds. My eyes opened slowly. My room was very Grey instead of sunlight it was grey. I got out of bed an went to my window. The sky was grey. There was no sun. It was like this for weeks. No one knee at all why the sun wouldn't show. I went to my parents room an got them up. I took them to the living room window. Mom said"I can't beleive this. The sun won't show.That's strange....... Thomas turn on the radio maybe we'd hear something. " Dad turned on the radio an a man began speaking. He said" Everyone stay inside. There are unknown creatures lurking around. Keep your kids inside. Lock the doors, close the windows , get some weapons. Whatever it is came down to earth to fight. " Dad ran upstairs to get the guns. I squeezed close to mama not knowing what would happen next *This is part1

i have all spelling error - Selena16, Sep 27, 2014

Hola Selena, I noticed that your profile lists your English level as Fluent. If that is true, please use correct grammar at all times, and finish your sentences please! What is this question for? - 00ffada9, Sep 28, 2014

OK and I jus wanted to post my story - Selena16, Sep 29, 2014

You can fix the error in the title, go into edit and change it :) - sanlee, Dec 1, 2014

how to edit - Selena16, Dec 1, 2014

Answer 1

I wanted to try to write this story a little differently for English learners. There are some common mistakes that might be confusing to new students. My version is not perfect, either, but I hope it helps at least one person out there.

Part 1

I woke up early in the morning to the sound of birds. I opened my eyes slowly/ my eyes opened slowly. My room was very gray/ grey ( maybe..from lack of sunshine). I got out of bed and went to my window. The sky was grey/ gray ( maybe...with something blocking/hiding the sun). It was like this for weeks. No one knew at all why the sun wasn't showing ( was hiding). ( One morning) I went to my parents room and woke them. I took them to (showed them) the kitchen window.

Mom said, "I can't believe this! The sun is not showing ( maybe...not shining at all). How strange. Hey Thomas, turn on the radio. Maybe we will hear something."

Dad turned on the radio as a man began speaking.

"....Everyone stay inside. There are unknown creatures lurking around ( outside). Keep your kids inside. Lock the doors, close the windows, and get some weapons. Whatever it is, it came down to Earth to fight."

Dad ran upstairs to get the guns. I squeezed (stayed close) to Mama not knowing what would happen next.

Very nicely written. Suggestions: "Lock the doors, shut the windows and grab yourself a weapon/arm yourselves." (conveys more urgency). "Whatever it is, it has come down to Earth and is out for blood." (the present perfect is more commonlly used, IMO). - Helado_eclectico, Sep 28, 2014

Thank you for doing this. That was very kind. :):) - rac1, Sep 28, 2014

@Helado-"has come down" does sound better. Thank you. - Anrosia, Sep 28, 2014

Hola Annie. :-) - Anrosia, Sep 28, 2014

I like the way u rewrote it - Selena16, Sep 29, 2014