Are there any errors? Thank you.

Question

Principalmente los jóvenes tienen una muy mala dieta esto es porque hay un montón de tiendas de comida rápida apertura. Los jóvenes no beben tanta agua como debe ser, principalmente beben bebidas gaseosas, que es muy saludable. La tasa de obesidad está aumentando día a día, esto demuestra que los jóvenes están comiendo mucha comida chatarra y no están jugando bastantes deportes. Esto es muy malo para su salud debido a una gran cantidad de comida chatarra puede conducir a un ataque al corazón o un derrame cerebral. Sin embargo, una minoría que algunas personas son saludables y hacer ejercicio regularmente. Un montón de comida poco saludable puede conducir a muchos problemas en el futuro, tales como, si una persona es gorda puede conseguir intimidado en la escuela que puede llevar a la persona que comete suicidio.

Mainly young people have a really bad diet this is because there are a lot of fast food shops opening. Young people do not drink as much water as they should be, mainly they drink fizzy drinks which is really unhealthy. The rate of obesity is increasing day by day, this shows that young people are eating a lot of junk food and are not playing enough sports. This is very bad for their health because a lot of junk food can lead to a heart attack or a stroke. However a minority some people are healthy and exercise regularly. A lot of unhealthy food can lead to many problems in the future such as, if a person is fat he can get bullied in school which can lead to the person committing suicide.

Good effort. - annierats, Jan 22, 2014

Answer 1

Principalmente los jovenes llevan una mala dieta, y esto es porque comen en muchos restaurantes de comida rapida. Los jovenes no toman la suficiente agua que deberian tomar. Los jovenes mayormente beben bebidas gaseosas que son dañinas para la salud. La tasa de obesidad incrementa dia a dia. Esto indica que los jovenes estan comiendo mucha comida chatarra y no practican demasiados deportes. Esto esta muy para la salud de ellos porque al comer mucha comida chatarra puede llevar a que ellos sufran un ataque de Corazon o un derrame. Sin embargo, una minoria de personas son saludables y ejercitan con regularidad. (consumer) mucha comida chatarra puede llevar a la persona a tener problemas en el future. Por ejemplo, una persona obesa puede ser acosada en la escuela y esto puede llevar a la persona a que cometa suicidio. I am an Spanish speaker. I see some errors on your essay, but I will not go into that.

Answer 2

I am not a native speaker but it looks ok to me.

But

"Mainly young people have a really bad diet this is because there are a lot of fast food shops opening"

That is not the problem - the problem is that people eat too much of the food offered; and not only the young.

I agree that one doesn't necessarily have to eat allthat is offered! - annierats, Jan 22, 2014

Answer 3

I am not a native speaker so cannot correct your Spanish. I see from your profile you are not a fluent English speaker: Mainly[Many sounds better] or as you use minority later perhaps the majority of .. young people have a really bad diet this is because there are a lot of fast food shops opening. Young people do not drink as much water as they should [be], mainly they drink fizzy drinks which is really unhealthy. The rate of obesity is increasing day by day, this shows that young people are eating a lot of junk food and are not playing enough sports. This is very bad for their health because a lot of junk food can lead to a heart attack or a stroke. However a minorityof young people some people are healthy and exercise regularly. A lot of unhealthy food can lead to many problems in the future such as, if a person is fat he can get bullied in school which can lead to the person committing suicide./problems with physical and mental health.

Are you observing life in a particular country or culture? Too much food especially sugar and no exercise is a problem for many people. Well written.

Answer 4

A couple of suggestions:

I think the phrase ' comida basura' works well. Los jovenes no beben tanta agua como deberían beber sino toman bebidas gaseosas las que no son muy saludables. ( o lo que no es un habito muy saludable)

To commit suicide: suidarse./( intentar suidarse)