Past tenses - Writing story - Needs proofreading.

Question

[Hello. This is a short writing (about 200 words) where I have to use past simple and past continuous along with used to and would. All corrections and comments will be kindly appreciated. Thank you in advance]

When I was 12 years old we had this small black poodle called Mai - he was my sister's actually. One day, I remember it was summer, I decided to go for a walk and (why not?) to take the dog with me.

I didn't use to walk the dog but that day I was feeling good and I wanted him to like me so I put him the lead/leash on him and we went to a big grass park just behind our house but still separated by a two ways single-lane across a two-way road.

I unleashed him so he could run as fast as he wanted to. And He was overjoyed. I clearly remember he was having a great time running back and forth - he was not used to go going outside unleashed and run free.

When it was time to come back, while I was trying to tie put the lead/leash back on him up back, he suddenly seemed to notice we weren't far from home and Mai made his way to the house at full speed. Unfortunately, a car was crossing coming down the road while Mai was crossing it and Mai he was hit in the head.

He turned back and ran towards me while he was whining. Then he jumped on me and I caught him. He didn't last 2 minutes because when we arrived home he was already dead in my arms.

Answer 1

This is what sounds best to me. I am fluent in American English.

so I put him the lead and we went to a big grass park just behind our house but still separated by a two ways single-lane road.

This one isn't clear. Do you want to say "I gave him the lead" or "I put a leash on him" ?

"...park just behind our house but across a two lane (one in each direction) road"?

he was not used to go outside unleashed and run free.

he was not used to going outside unleashed and running free.

...trying to tie him up back

trying to put the leash back on him (would be best). If you are saying "tie up again" you would say: "trying to tie him back up"

Unfortunately, a car was crossing the road and Mai was hit in the head.

Unfortunately a car was coming down the road while Mai was crossing it and he was hit in the head.

He turned back and ran towards me while he was whining.

He turned back and ran towards me whining.

Is leash more American and lead more British for "correa" maybe? Thank you so much Jubilado. - RelaxingCup, Sep 30, 2013

Answer 2

Thank you so much, both of you, for taking the time to read and correct it. I've just modified the text according to your suggestions.

My intention was to say:

• Even though the park was just behind my house, they (my house and the park) were separated by a road. That's why I wrote still separated. I think that's not good English.

• Jubilado, you're right about the road: I wanted to express two lanes (one in each direction).

__________
→ → → →
- - - - - - - -
← ← ← ←
⎺⎺⎺⎺⎺⎺⎺⎺⎺⎺

I think that I was being unnecessarily too specific. A two-way road works just fine, doesn't it?

Overall, I realized that I have to work more on my English written expression. Thank you again. ¡Saludos!

Answer 3

I would agree with Jubilado

except as in bold below

When I was 12 years old we had this small black poodle called Mai - he was my sister's actually. One day, I remember it was summer, I decided to go for a walk and (why not?) to take the dog with me. I didn't use to walk the dog but that day I was feeling good and I wanted him to like me so I put the lead on him and we went to a big grass park just behind our house but still separated by a two-way road. I unleashed him so he could run as fast as he wanted to. And he was overjoyed. I clearly remember he was having a great time running back and forth - he was not used to go outside unleashed and run free. When it was time to come back, while I was trying to tie him up back he suddenly seemed to notice we weren't far from home and Mai made his way to the house at full speed. Unfortunately, a car was crossing the road and Mai was hit in the head. He turned back and ran towards me while he was whining. Then he jumped on me and I caught him. He didn't last 2 minutes because when we arrived home he was already dead in my arms.

when you make an adjective with 2 or more words you hyphentate the words.

two-lane road

three-year-old boy

ten-story building

etc

these adjectives, like all other English adjectives, are always singular.

I was always taught that a sentence never starts with And - but it is often written like that.

I often forget about hyphenation, but it's good to bring that up. I think it may be used less in casual writing. Good post! - Jubilado, Sep 29, 2013

Thank you Ian. I like turning nouns into adjectives :) - RelaxingCup, Sep 30, 2013

You are a much-to-be-admired student amigo. - ian-hill, Sep 30, 2013

Thanks, Ian. I didn't know the rule about hyphenating. - 0083f5dc, Sep 30, 2013