Making an announcement in Spanish

Question

I'm a Spanish major in college and now that my boss knows he wants me to make the announcement at the end of the day for our Spanish community that comes to shop at our store. This is what I've come up with...

Atención. Ahora son las ocho y media. La tienda cierra en treinta minutos. En quince minutos, la caja registradora en la entrada del centro comercial cierra, el probador se cierra y se cierra el contador jewlery. Vaya a la caja registradora frente para un rápido y amable visita. En treinta minutos, la puerta en el centro comercial cierra. Puede salir por la puerta del frente para volver a entrar al centro comercial.

Is this grammatically correct and would a native Spanish speaker talk this way? Any pointers would be a great help.

Could you provide the English version? - 00483d91, Sep 13, 2013

I have been following this with interest. Thanks for posting it. - Jubilado, Sep 15, 2013

Answer 1

Creo que son muchas veces la palabra "cierra".

Modifiqué un poco el texto.

Atención. Ahora son las ocho y media. La tienda cerrará en treinta minutos. En quince minutos, la caja registradora en la entrada del centro comercial cerrará al igual que el probador y el departamento de joyería. Diríjase a la caja registradora de la parte de enfrente para una rápida y amable visita. En treinta minutos, la puerta en el centro comercial cerrará. Puede salir por la puerta del frente para volver a entrar al centro comercial.

• Puede salir por la puerta del frente para volver a entrar al centro comercial. (I think this is a little weird) Si la tienda cerrará, entonces ¿Por qué hay indicaciones de salir y volver a entrar?.

Saludos.

Thank you for your help! - amrl12, Sep 20, 2013

Answer 2

Here's the English version. Attention customers, the time now is eight thirty. . The store will be closing in 30 minutes.in 15 minutes the cash register in the mall entrance will close as well as the fitting room and the jewelry counter. please bring your items to the front of the store for a quick and friendly check out. in 30 minutes the gate by the mall register will close. you can exit through the front of the store and go back into the mall through entrance one. Thank you.

Answer 3

I've written this by comparing your English original and your Spanish version. I hope this will be useful:

Atención señores ⁽¹⁾ clientes, son las ocho y media. La tienda cerrará sus puertas ⁽²⁾ en treinta minutos. La caja (registradora) de la entrada del centro comercial ⁽³⁾, los probadores y el mostrador de joyería ⁽⁴⁾ cerrarán en quince minutos. Diríjanse con sus artículos a la parte delantera de la tienda para un cobro/pago rápido y fácil ⁽⁵⁾. En treinta minutos la puerta del centro comercial cerrará. Pueden salir por la puerta delantera de la tienda y volver a acceder al centro comercial por la entrada (número) uno ⁽⁶⁾. Gracias.

• ⁽¹⁾señores is a courtesy addressing. I recommend it. You can also use estimados clientes - dear costumers.
• ⁽²⁾ cerrará sus puertas is a set phrase (It'll will close its gates). It means the same as just cerrará but is more formal.
• ⁽³⁾ I wrote in parentheses what can be omitted. A caja in a store is always a caja registradora. We say just caja (in Spain at least).
• ⁽⁴⁾ Why didn't you translate 'jewelry'. I would say mostrador de joyería (a horizontal surface, as in a shop or bank, over which business is transacted) Source. "Probadores" is the plural for "probador". Usually, there are more than one 'cubicle'.
• ⁽⁵⁾ I would translate 'friendly' as fácil in this context (easy to use) and 'check out' as cobro (charge) or pago (payment). Visita doesn't sound good.
• ⁽⁶⁾ For 'to go into' you can use entrar or acceder. You can say entrada uno or puerta uno if it's truly a gate with a number on it.

In Mexico as well it is just caja for cash register. - gringojrf, Sep 15, 2013

Thanks! - 00483d91, Sep 16, 2013

thanks for all the help! - amrl12, Sep 20, 2013