Correct a writing
Hi Can somebody correct this? I don't know if I have a lot of mistakes or not.
My mother is Carmen. She is 62 years old. She has four sisters and two brothers. She’s the youngest in her family. She’s married. She’s retired. In her free time she likes going to the swimming pool, going for a walk, cooking and listening to music.
She’s tall, thin and good-looking. She’s looking like her mother. She has short dark hair. She’s very talkative, patient, kind, optimistic, careful, honest and rather naughty.
In her childhood she used to wear glasses and she used to have long hair. She used to like school but she used to hate mathematics at school. In her early years she used to go to school and play with her friends and her brothers and sisters. She used to watch cartoons on television.
When she was 55 she went to Egypt with a friend. She worked very hard. In her last years she was retired and she has met new people.
She won a prize when she was teenager; she liked athleticism so she always has been healthy.
3 Answers
An excellent effort. A few MINOR mistakes which I would alter as follows.
My mother is Carmen. She is 62 years old. She has four sisters and two brothers. She’s the youngest in her family. She’s married and retired. In her free time she likes swimming, walking, cooking and listening to music.
She’s tall, thin and good-looking. She looks like her mother. She has short dark hair. She’s very talkative, patient, kind, optimistic, careful, honest and rather naughty.
In her childhood she used to wear glasses and have long hair. She used to like school but hated mathematics. In her early years at school she used to play with her friends and her brothers and sisters and watch cartoons on television.
When she was 55 she went to Egypt with a friend. She worked very hard. In her latter years she retired and she met new people.
She won a prize when she was teenager. She liked athletics so she has always been healthy.
The majority of the above alterations are just to avoid multiple repetions. A few are acceptable. Although your original text was correct for the most part.
Consider the following
Usted aprende a hablar y usted aprende a entender y usted aprende a leer el español.
Removing the repetition
Usted aprende a hablar, a entender y a leer el español.
Most everything is correct. "She looks like her mother did at same age" would probably be better. If she is still retired, "she has retired ..." would be better. "She was retired" suggests that she is no longer retired. "Athleticism" a characteristic of showing athletic ability and might not fit in your essay. May be "sports" or "athletics". This is not a grammatical comment but, the link between liking athletics and being healthy is kind of fuzzy.
Rather than having a series of statements that are in the subject, verb, object form, try using some variation in your writing style. Use connecter words such and phrases as "and, then, after, when she was" etc.
Overall though, very good job.
It also would probably be better if you put a Spanish version of the article before the English version.
going for walks,cooking, and ... after thin you need a comma she looks like her mother. she hated mathematics
try "she liked sports" instead of "she liked athleticism"
¡Bien Hecho! You have done a pretty good job!
