Please, correct this text

Question

Please, correct this text.

Good afternoon, miss coordinator uk, teachers, classmates and guests,

My name is Karl, I am happy because today is a special day. I want to thank God first, for the gift of life and for his blessings. I have been a student in UK Vivential Institute and now that I have finished the course. I would like to work for an international agency and travel around the world. So after would like to have my own travel agency, and be able to offer employment for people. I am very grateful to all the teachers who helped me learn English, especially to those who were very patient with me. Thanks to Miss Lourdes. Thanks to all my classmates who gave me their support and made me feel part of them. I also want to thank my family, especially my uncles, cousins, nephews and friends, who supported and encouraged me with my study in this Institute. I promise that I will continue the second phase to further improve the English language, I hope to have the same helping that I had when I started taking classes at this Institute. Thank you UK vivential, God bless you all.

Answer 1

Good afternoon, coordinator of UK Vivential, teachers, classmates and guests.

My name is Karl. I am happy because today is a special day. I want to thank God first for the gift of life and for His blessings. I was a student at UK Vivential Institute, and now that I have finished the course, I would like to work for an international agency and travel around the world. After that, I would like to have my own travel agency, and be able to offer employment for people. I am very grateful to all of the teachers who helped me learn English, especially to those who were very patient with me. Thanks to Miss Lourdes. Thanks to all of my classmates who gave me their support and made me feel a part of them. I also want to thank my family, especially my uncles, cousins, nephews and friends, who supported and encouraged me with my study in this institute. I promise that I will continue the second phase to further improve my English. I hope to receive as much help as I had when I started taking classes at this institute. Thank you, UK Vivential. God bless you all.

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Excellent job, Luissito. I changed a few commas to periods, and vice versa (in some cases, to avoid comma splices). Other than that, there were only a very few minor things! I changed one instance of the present perfect tense to the simple past tense because you’re no longer a student there, right?

Otherwise, you might just drop the “I have been a student at UK Viviential” part, and say something like, “Now that I have finished the first course (or phase) here at UK Vivential Institute . . .”

I like mcl020’s idea of:

I hope to receive as much help as I had when I started taking classes at this Institute.

better than:

I hope to have the same help that I had when I started taking classes at this institute.

It is worded better.

There is no need to capitalize the generic “this institute” though, unless it’s part of the name of your institute: UK Vivential Institute.

—Brian

Aha, thanks a lot, your explanations are very clear!!! - luisssito, Mar 16, 2013

Oh, you´re very welcome. I enjoy doing this stuff. I´m an English teacher. Great work! - brian5764, Mar 16, 2013

Answer 2

Good afternoon, coordinator of UK Vivential, teachers, classmates and guests,

My name is Karl, I am happy because today is a special day. I want to thank God first, for the gift of life and for his blessings. I have been a student of this UK Vivential Institute and now that I have finished the course, I would like to work for an international agency and travel around the world. Thereafter I would like to have my own travel agency, and thus be able to offer employment to people. I am very grateful to all the teachers who helped me to learn English, especially to those who were very patient with me. Thanks to Miss Lourdes. Thanks to all my classmates who gave me their support and made me feel part of them. I also want to thank my family, especially my uncles, cousins, nephews and friends, who supported and encouraged me with my study in this Institute. I promise that I will continue with the second phase to further improve my knowledge of the English language. I hope to receive as much help as I had when I started taking classes at this Institute. Thank you UK vivential, God bless you all.

at Viviental. Thank you, Miss Lourdes . Thank you, clasmates, or thanks tomay clasmates I have succeeded. - annierats, Mar 16, 2013

Absolutly brilliant effort, mlc, I'm only making very tiny suggestions, note. - annierats, Mar 16, 2013

Thanks a lot!! - luisssito, Mar 16, 2013