My run on sentence...

Question

I just need someone to check my sentence. I know it's a run on sentence. I did that part on purpose, so don't worry about correcting that part.

No me sentí bien así fui a mi doctor quién me pesó en su balanza y luego me dijo que necesité hacer ejercicio, beber agua, y dormir regularmente así como empezar una dieta nueva, reducir el estrés y trotar más.

It's supposed to be something roughly like this: I didn't feel well so I went to my doctor who weighed me on his scale and then told me that I needed to exercise, drink water and sleep regularly as well as start a new diet, reduce stress and jog more.

Thanks!

This is not a run-on sentence. It has multiple dependent and relative clauses, and it’s free of comma splices. It’s long, but that does not make it a run-on sentence. Run-on sentences are those that have independent clauses that are not joined correctly. - brian5764, Mar 15, 2013

I don't know if this is why you chose to have a long sentence, but my Spanish teacher is always saying that long sentences are the nature of Spanish literature, so it's a really good thing to have them. - BigMike, Mar 15, 2013

Good to know. Thank you for the correction in identifying a run-on sentence. - Vida_de_Scott, Mar 15, 2013

No sweat. Yeah, many people think that run-on = lots of words. That’s just not the case. And, as others have already commented, lots of words = not a problem in Spanish anyway. It’s a good thing en español! - brian5764, Mar 15, 2013

No, it's not a run-on sentence, but sometimes sentences need to be organized and structured in a way so that the reader doesn't lose track to the sentence. Good attempt! - llamalovers000, Mar 15, 2013

Answer 1

Just a few minor changes:

No me sentí bien así es que fui al doctor y me pesó en su balanza y luego me dijo que necesitaba hacer ejercicio, beber agua, y dormir regularmente tal como empezar una dieta nueva, reducir el estrés y trotar más.

Thanks Julian! I understand all of those changes except where you added "es que" between así and fui. Can you please help me understand why they should be there? - Vida_de_Scott, Mar 15, 2013

I would say "así que fui..." personally. Also, you should not have a comma between beber aqua and y dormir. Other than that, Julian's version looks good. - BigMike, Mar 15, 2013

"así que"..."así es que"..."así es de que"... are all correct; it´s a matter of preference. I agree with BigMike; this is not a run-on sentence but quite common - 005faa61, Mar 15, 2013

Great! Thank you again Julian. - Vida_de_Scott, Mar 15, 2013