does my essay makes sense ? ( it's argument essay )
INDIANS should have more holidays and longer vacations.
The jobs and social activism occupied much of INDIANS ' life some INDIANS are working 55% of his/her day and others are working around 30% of his/her life, but the average is 39%. Therefore some people said the INDIA should have more holydays and longer vacation and the others said no, it’s enough. therefore in this essay I will write a greet argument essay about this issue.
“INDIANS should have more holidays and longer vacations “ is a big issue. The national day one part of this issue. the INDIANS have only one off day to celebrate, the people who are objection said one day is quite good because the national day is one day not more, therefore national day equal off day not off days. On other hand the people who are reply said we need some day before to prepare to our national day like Pakistan .
“The week off in the middle of spring semester is not enough” that is also important issue the people how objection said one week is so good because Saudis have enough time to relax, on other hand the people how reply said the spring is the best time to travel and relax in other word we should have more days like tow week because the spring is the best season to travel and relax.
In conclusion, “INDIANS should have more holydays and longer vacation “ have a large echo in INDIA. In fact we should have a balance in this issue. In my opinion the vacation In INDIA is not bad, I mean we need small change to have a greet balance.
3 Answers
Welcome to the forum.
I can understand your essay's main point: The debate about whether Indians should have more holidays.
You have presented a few holidays as examples, and you provided arguments and reasons on both sides of the debate.
Your personal opinion is that the amount of holidays in India now is more or less fine, only small changes are needed.
I think you did a good job.
I have suggested some word changes in your essay to make your argument more clear. Hope you don't mind. I didn't do any grammar change.
Should INDIANS have more holidays and longer vacations?
The jobs and social activism occupied much of INDIANS ' life some INDIANS are working 55% of his/her day and others are working around 30% of his/her life, but the average is 39%. Therefore some people said the INDIA should have more holydays and longer vacation and the others said no, it’s enough. therefore in this essay I will write a greet argument essay about this issue.
“INDIANS should have more holidays and longer vacations “ is a big issue. The national day is one part of this issue. the INDIANS have only one off day to celebrate, the people who hold objection say one day is quite good because the national day is one day not more, therefore national day equal off day not off days. On other hand the people who oppose say we need some days before to prepare to our national day like Pakistan .
“The week off in the middle of spring semester is not enough” that is also important issue the people who object this argument say one week is good enough because Saudis have enough time to relax, on other hand the people how reply said the spring is the best time to travel and relax in other word we should have more than two week because the spring is the best season to travel and relax.
In conclusion, “INDIANS should have more holydays and longer vacation “ have a large echo in INDIA. In fact we should have a balance in this issue. In my opinion the vacation In INDIA is not bad as is, I mean we only need small changes to have a better balance.
Corrections are in bold.
Indians should have more holidays and longer vacations.
The jobs and social activism occupied by much of Indian's lives is that some of them are working 55% of his/her day and others are working around 30% of his/her life, but the average is 39%. Therefore, some people have said the Indians should have more holidays and longer vacations and others said no, it’s enough. Therefore, in this essay, I will write about the difference of opinions regarding this issue.
"Indians should have more holidays and longer vacations", is a big issue. The national day is only one part of this issue. Indians have only one day off to celebrate, but the people who object say one day is sufficient because the national day is only one day and no more. So that national day is equal to having other days off. On other hand, other people who replied said they needed some extra days prior to prepare for the national day, like Pakistan does.
In addition, it has been said, “The week off in the middle of the Spring semester is not enough," this is also an important issue. Some people that objected said one week is great because the Saudis have enough time to relax. Still, others said the Spring is the best time to travel and relax.
In conclusion, Indians should have more holidays and longer vacations, and have a voice in India. In fact, we should have a more balanced opinion regarding this in general.
It's not clear to me if you are asking about your English or your arguement, but I'm going to edit your essay for grammer, spelling, punctuation, and capitalization, including correcting mixed tenses and sentaence structure. I have no opinion on the issue, or the strength of the argument, since I'm ignorant of the issue and your level of education.
Indians should have more holidays and longer vacations.
Jobs and social activism occupy much of Indians' lives. Some Indians are working 55% of their day and others are working around 30%, but the average is 39%. Therefore some people say that Indians should have more holidays and longer vacations, and the others say no. It’s enough, therefore, in this essay, that I write a great argument about this issue.
“Indians should have more holidays and longer vacations “ is a big issue. For the national day, one part of this issue, Indians have only one day off to celebrate. The people who are objecting say one day off is quite good because the national day is one day, not more, Therefore, national day equals one day off, not days off. On other hand the people who are in favor of more days off reply that they need some days off before to prepare for their national day, like Pakistan .
“The week off in the middle of spring semester is not enough" is also important. The people who object say one week is good because Saudis have enough time to relax. On other hand, the people who are in favor of more time off reply that the spring is the best time to travel and relax. In other words we should have more days, like two weeks, because the spring is the best season to travel and relax.
In conclusion, the proposition “Indians should have more holidays and longer vacations “ has a large echo in India. In fact we should have a balance in this issue. In my opinion the vacation In India is not bad, I mean we need small change to have a great balance.
Please read this carefully next to your original essay, as I neglected to mark my suggestions. By the way, I'm somewhat of a fanatic when it comes to English grammer.
