I need help with my translation.

Question

To sum up, I will quote Hector, one of the twelve undocumented students that shared their story. "Undocumented students are burning with desire to be free from oppression. We ask for your support in our struggle to pass both the California and Federal Dream Acts. For so long we have been in the shadows and we can no longer wait for more time to pass. Our dreams and lives can not wait."

Dar por terminado, voy a citar Hector, uno de los doce estudiantes indocumentados que comparten su historia. “Los estudiantes indocumentados están ardiendo con deseo ser libre de la opresión. Pedimos su apoyo en nuestra lucha para pasar el California y el Dream Act de Federal. Por tanto tiempo hemos estado en las sombras y ya no podemos esperar más tiempo pasar. Nuestros sueños y la vida no puede esperar.”

Hi Runner315, I hav moved this to the proofreading category. - rac1, Nov 24, 2012

Answer 1

Translation is more than just doing word-by-word transpositions. An ideal translation is both accurate AND idiomatic.

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Por último, voy a citar a Héctor, uno de los doce estudiantes indocumentados que compartieron su historia: “Los estudiantes indocumentados están que arden por liberarse de la opresión. Pedimos su apoyo en nuestra lucha para pasar tanto el Dream Act de California como el Federal. Hemos sido invisibles por mucho tiempo y ya no podemos esperar más; nuestros sueños y nuestras vidas no pueden esperar más".

thank you! I am still learning it is hard to not do a word-by-word transpositions. But I will get there one day. - 007500d2, Nov 24, 2012

No problem! Translating is a matter that goes beyond simply knowing two languages. It's more about natural, fluid speech, and idiomatic equivalents. Mostly it should not sound like it was translated. - Avilescastilla, Nov 24, 2012

Answer 2

I would say like this with just a few minor changes:

Dar por terminado, voy a citar a Hector, uno de los doce estudiantes indocumentados que comparten su historia. “Los estudiantes indocumentados están ardiendo con el deseo de ser libres de la opresión. Pedimos su apoyo en nuestra lucha para pasar el California and Federal Dream Acts. Por tanto tiempo que hemos estado en las sombras, ya no podemos esperar que pase más tiempo. Nuestros sueños y vidas no pueden esperar.”

Note: Since this matter is apparently taking place in the USA, it´s accepted to write the name of the impending act as it is in English.

It reallyy sounds translated, especially the whole "arden con el deseo de ser libres" and the "hemos estado en las sombras" parts. And the both first line and the last two lines are awkardly constructed. - Avilescastilla, Nov 24, 2012

You´re right - it is translated, but not completely changed. Of course it could by made many different ways, but the idea was keep it as close tooriginal as possible and still make sense. - 005faa61, Nov 24, 2012

Also in the first line, we are not told when this history is being recounted, so best to leave it again as close to original as possible. - 005faa61, Nov 24, 2012

But there is no battle here: you simply chose to do it all in your own words and I chose to use the original wording as much as possible. It´s not my piece, it´s hers - 005faa61, Nov 24, 2012