How formal is Usted and how informal is Tú?

Question

I was talking with a friend of mine today who speaks Spanish natively. I was asking her with help on translating the phrase "Help me" when spoken to a teacher, since a friend of mine had been asking. I assumed that "¡Ayúdeme!" would be used, as, for a student, a teacher "outranks" them. However, she told me that for a teacher, one would use "¡Ayúdame!", as there is an implied familiarity if you are asking for help, and said that "¡Ayúdeme!" would only be used if you'd never met the person before.

Then, I asked if I would use "Ayúdeme" in a letter to a businessman or government representative, and she said yes, since it is clear that I haven't met them.

So, my problem is that I do not understand why a teacher would be spoken to with the informal command, but a businessman would get a formal command. Is this a regional variation or did I misunderstand?

Answer 1

Francobollo's right, if you call someone señor X o señora X, you can't address them as tú, so for those of us who don't use usted to address everyone, it certaily has a clear degree of formality, to the point that for me it kind of gets annoying if someone calls me "usted", I just don't like it.

In the hispanic world, the second people on the street start addressing you as usted, it's the beginning of the end! lol - francobollo, Oct 17, 2012

Unfortunately, in Colombia that's very, very, extremely common. - diagonx, Oct 17, 2012

It is. But that's an isolated case. Tú has been replaced by usted at all levels in Colombia. But that's just a dilatectical difference, not having much to do with formaliity. - francobollo, Oct 17, 2012

When you enter the nearest gorcery store and the clerk calls you "don X", you realise their dialect is way too formal. - diagonx, Oct 17, 2012

Or it's a sign of respect. Clerks and people behind the counter usually address clients as usted. I've seen that all over Latin America. Spaniards are more adaucious and use tu with clients, which I poiint out to them in my visits to Spain. - francobollo, Oct 17, 2012

Well, I can't see it that way, nowhere in Colombia will you find anyone who addresses you as Spaniards do; but nowhere else in the world will you clerks that call you "don diagonx" or "doña whatever" either. For most of us it's excessively fiormal. - diagonx, Oct 17, 2012

Answer 2

Your friend might not be right. If you call your teacher Ms. Rodriguez and not María, then you would say "Ayúdeme, Sra. Rodríguez". I never addressed my teachers using the informal you (not even in college).

I hope this helps!

Estoy de acuerdo :-) - --Mariana--, Oct 17, 2012

Answer 3

In my world in Mexico a teacher is always adresed in the formal sense regrdless of the familiarity. It is a form of respect.

The informal you is among friends and aquaintance and no more, everone else is usted.

Agreed! - --Mariana--, Oct 17, 2012

Answer 4

I know people from Mexico City who are much younger than I and they like to "tutear" everybody. Once a friend of mine and I had to go to a Mexican consulate and I talked to the consulate woman in "Ud." and my younger friend talked to her in "tu." I don´t know how she felt, but I felt very uncomfortable.

So I am guessing that to "tutear" when you shouldn´t is just a stupid passing phase of very young people. It is very disrespectful.

Exactly! - --Mariana--, Oct 17, 2012

Answer 5

Francobollo said:

Or it's a sign of respect. Clerks and people behind the counter usually address clients as usted. I've seen that all over Latin America.

I always use "usted" when talking to teachers, the boss, clerks, the men who delivery my water/gas, the elderly and people that I've met for the first time. If Mr. X or Mrs. X is appropriate then "usted" is used. My employees here in Guatemala that work on building my house use "usted" when they speak to me.

Spaniards are more audacious and use "tu" with clients...

Yes, it's very different in Spain!

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Julian said:

So I am guessing that to "tutear" when you shouldn't is just a stupid passing phase of very young people. It is very disrespectful.

Exactly right! I agree that it´s very disrespectful to use "tu" when "usted" is called for, and that applies to many situations outside the home.

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My advice? Use "usted" for everyone except those close and familiar to you (and children, of course) and wait for them to say, "Hey, you can use "tu" with me, we're friends now."

Answer 6

It seems to vary even among Colombians, depending on age, career etc. One of my best friends´wife is Colombiana and she uses tú ONLY with HIM, and her daughter. For everyone else, even close friends of many years, it´s Usted.

Darn hard for we foreigners to follow

Actually it varies depending on the region you're from, age a career have nothing to do with that. - diagonx, Oct 17, 2012