Would someone please proof my first essay attempt? It's really short!

Question

Hi my name is Annie. I have brown hair and green eyes. I am medium height. I attend a small school in the middle of Kansas. I am a sophomore in high school. I play volleyball and I am a cheerleader, I also play golf. My favorite class is Art. I have 1 sister and 2 dogs. Both my parents are school teachers. This summer I plan on lifeguarding at the city pool.

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Hola me llamo Annie. Tengo el cabello castaño y ojos verdes. Estoy medio altura. Yo asisto una pequeña escuela en al medio de Kansas. Soy una estudiante de Segundo año es la escuela secundaria. Juego volibol y soy animadora, también juego golf. Mi clase favorita es al arte. Tengo una Hermana y dos perros. Ambos mi padres son maestros escolares. Este verano planeo ser una salvavidas en la piscina municipal.

I think francobollo is on line and this person is fluent. - island_fever, Oct 2, 2012

I think that Mariana is here too... - island_fever, Oct 2, 2012

Answer 1

I am not sure about the Spanish version, but this sounds like a run-on sentence.

I play volleyball and I am a cheerleader, I also play golf.

I believe there should be a period instead of a comma. The same may apply for the same sentence in Spanish.

Answer 2

Ambos mi padres - I think this should be "ambos mis padres"

Mi clase favorita es al arte. - I believe is should be el and not "al"

I'm not fluent in Spanish, so you'd better wait for a 3rd or 4th opinion to get a definitive answer.

I'm not fluent in Spanish but I also think it should be "ambos mis padres" since the possessive pronouns agree with what is "owned" (which is 'padres' here). :) I also think "al" should be "el" since "al" means "to the". :D - smramo, Oct 2, 2012

Answer 3

1. maybe you could place "los" before ojos? (los ojos verdes)
2. i think "pequeño escuela" should be "escuela pecueño" (since the adjectives come after the nouns they describe - generally)
3. "segundo año es la escuela secundaria" means "second year is the secondary school" so maybe you could use "en" or "de" instead of "es"?

Answer 4

Looks good to me - I will point out that "Hermana" and "Segundo" shouldn't have capital letters, though. Spanish doesn't use capital letters as much as some languages.

That aside, good job for a first essay!