Please proofread: Democracy..
Democracy has evolved(?), it is not today what the now beleaguered Greeks came up with over 2000 years ago; it's not the direct democracy of Athenians, who elected and overthrew their representatives according to their needs, so those would fear the people they were reresenting; no, that's not our modern and supposedly more civilized democracy. Democracy was plunged into the darkness for long centuries, and saw the rise, and fall, of republics, senates, kingdoms, empires, churches, caliphates and many others; dormant it remained, latent it was. Until a new age came along, the Enlightenment took over, arts, crafts and science thrived all over the European civilization, and with them came the bourgeoisie, new thinkers paved the way for new doctrines, new ways of living, new conceptions about the world they lived in: the divine right of the kings was no longer so divine, and kings were more earthly than they had ever been.
New areas of settlement by Europeans abounded in the western hemisphere, and beyond too; some came to simply settle, others came to exploit the riches of the new and uncharted lands. This sudden abundance of wealth, in the form of gold, silver, emeralds, cocoa and other goods from the mines and plantations of the New World, fostered even further another European phenomenon: mercantilism, the economic system where everything had a price and was to be traded; this in turn brought about the advent of capitalism, almost at the same that democracy started to set in again after almost two thousand years; so the lands were no longer some feudal lord's, or some count's, or some king's, no, they belonged to whoever could afford them, or whoever had the means to seize them, the for-profit mentality was here to stay; then it all started to go awfully awry.
We may say that the ancient Greeks enslaved and gave no representation to the peoples of the eastern Mediterranean , including the Egyptians, but is that any different from what the forefathers of the current Western World did to the peoples of America, Asia and Africa? or is it the same thing altogether; what is it that the corporations that offshore their operations do? since they can no longer import laborers from other continents. The plights of mankind now are not so different from what they were several centuries ago. At least I need to ask myself where has this evolution taken us, and I feel we are on the very spot where it all started.
But let's fret not, democracy's evolved, it's here on its 21st century version, we can always trust good ole, and revamped, democracy to bail us out.
Please correct my mistakes, if you dare to read all the way down here.
2 Answers
You did an amazing job on this text. I changed many commas and other punctuation, such as the over-use of the semicolon. I also changed run-on sentences into separate sentences.
Democracy has evolved(correct). It is not today what the now beleaguered Greeks came up with over 2000 years ago; nor is it the direct democracy of Athenians who elected and overthrew their representatives according to their needs, who were feared by those representing them. No, that's not our modern, and supposedly, more civilized democracy.
Democracy was plunged into darkness for century-long periods and saw the rise and fall of republics, senates, kingdoms, empires, churches, caliphates, and many others. Dormant it remained and latent it was until a new age came along. The Enlightenment took over and arts, crafts, and science thrived all over the European civilization. With them came the bourgeoisie; new thinkers who paved the way for new doctrines, new ways of living, and new conceptions about the world they lived in. The divine right of the kings was no longer so divine, and kings were more earthly than they had ever been.
New areas of settlement by Europeans abounded in the western hemisphere, and beyond too. Some came to simply settle, others came to exploit the riches of the new and uncharted lands. This sudden abundance of wealth, in the form of gold, silver, emeralds, cocoa and other goods from the mines and plantations of the New World, fostered an even further European phenomenon: mercantilism, which is the economic system where something had a price and was to be traded. This in turn brought about the advent of capitalism, andalmost at the same democracy started to set in again after almost two thousand years. As a result, the lands no longer belonged to a feudal lord, a count, nor a king. Instead, the lands belonged to whoever could afford them or had the means to seize them. The "for-profit" mentality was here to stay; then it all started to go awfully awry.
We may say that the ancient Greeks enslaved and gave no representation to the peoples of the eastern Mediterranean , incliding the Egyptians, however, is that any different fro what the forefathers of the current Western World do with the peoples of America, Asia, and Africa? It may be the verysame thing that the corporations who send their operations offshore do when they can no longer import laborers from other continents. The plights of mankind now are not so different from what they were several centuries ago. One needs to ask himself where has this evolution taken us--I feel that we are in the very spot where it all started.
But let us not fret because democracy has evolved, it's here in its 21st century version and we can always trust good 'ol revamped democracy to bail us out.
New areas of settlement by Europeans abounded in the western hemisphere, and beyond too. Some came to simply settle, others came to exploit the riches of the new and uncharted lands. This sudden abundance of wealth, in the form of gold, silver, emeralds, cocoa and other goods from the mines and plantations of the New World, fostered an even further European phenomenon: mercantilism, which is the economic system where something had a price and was to be traded. This in turn brought about the advent of capitalism, and almost at the same democracy started to set in again after almost two thousand years. As a result, the lands no longer belonged to a feudal lord, a count, nor a king. Instead, the lands belonged to whoever could afford them or had the means to seize them. The "for-profit" mentality was here to stay; then it all started to go awfully awry.
We may say that the ancient Greeks enslaved and gave no representation to the peoples of the eastern Mediterranean , incliding the Egyptians, however, is that any different fro what the forefathers of the current Western World do with the peoples of America, Asia, and Africa? It may be the verysame thing that the corporations who send their operations offshore do when they can no longer import laborers from other continents. The plights of mankind now are not so different from what they were several centuries ago. One needs to ask himself where has this evolution taken us--I feel that we are in the very spot where it all started.
The part of "fostered an even futher European.." I don't quite get it, I meant to say the mercantilism was fostered even furtherd by the exploitiation of the resources of the American continent. So the further European part you added there is not quite clear to me.
The and here "andalmost at the same democracy started to set in", I wanted to stress the fact that those were practically simultaneous events and not a succession of events, so wouldn't it make to say "almost at the same that democracy started to set in again after almost two thousand years" without the and.
Regarding the offshore part, why to use a combination of to send offshore, when we can use the ver to offshore?
And finally when, I wrote it as since to mean that they can no longer bring enslaved workers, so what they do is take the slavery where the potential slaves are. What about that?
