Proofreading of a letter
Hello there!
So I'm applying for an exchange and I have to write this letter of motives in three languages, Spanish, English and French. I started with the one in Spanish since it's my mother tonge and I figured the ideas would come more naturally that way. Now I have to translate it into the other two languages, and I started with English because it's the second language I know best. The problem is that I fear that the English letter is too 'Spanished' since I tried to make it as similar to the one in Spanish as possible.
I don't know if this is the right place to ask for this, but could you help me improve this letter? I want to know if the letter is okay as it is or how can I improve it.
Thank you in advance, this is the letter:
"Going on a scholar exchange is a dream that appeared after many friends of mine did it and came back talking about how it had been a great experience, and how it was an opportunity they would never regret having taken. I realized that, besides being one of the best experiences than one can have during their studies, it was also an opportunity that would not repeat itself and, therefore, I did not want to waste it. I think that an exchange helps not only to enter a new culture, to learn to understand and accept different points of view, to exploit our capacity of adaptation and undertaking, and to learn or improve a foreign language, but it also helps to enrich our professional formation. Facing challenges on a new environment and learning about new topics related to our career but with a different point of view, adds a great value to who we are as professionals and also as human beings.
I know that if I get the opportunity to carry out this exchange I would make the most of it, not only because I owe it to my parents and both Universities for letting me reach this goal, but also because I know how valuable this would be for my future.
I chose Groupe ESC Dijon Bourgogne because its subjects fit better with my educational program, and I liked a lot the way they are implemented and how each one of them has clear objectives and ways to be imparted already established. On the other hand, the location of the University was also an important factor, since it is a campus and therefore it is a quiet environment that offers a lot of services and places attractive for students. Also, the city is rich in culture, which would allow me to get to know little by little part of the French history, architecture, literature and more, not even having to leave the city. Finally, my previous knowledge of French would make it easier for me to adapt to this city.
I chose four subjects from the educational program of the University that I thought fit perfectly not only with the program of my Faculty, but also with the learning goals that I have. The subjects are International Negotiation, Marketing Strategy and Plan, International Trade and Stratégies of Communication Publicitaire. The first three have almost perfect homologous at my Faculty, however I thought that it would be interesting being able to take them at Dijon, where I would undoubtedly learn new aspects of every area which would include the opinions and knowledge not only of international teachers, but also of the great number of foreign students that exist in the University. As for the last subject, I believe that it is an important part of Marketing and Business to know how to communicate advertising messages efficiently, for that reason I deemed it important to consider this subject as part of my possible academic load.
I believe that all of the above mentioned factors would help me have an enriching experience abroad, where not only I take and benefit, but where also I can offer the Mexican point of view based on my experience and the formation that I have had until now, adding to the international vision of the University.
I think that this would make me a better professional and a better person, with a broader vision of the world in general, and the business and marketing world in particular. I hope I can have this opportunity."
5 Answers
I chose four subjects from the educational program of the University that I thought fit perfectly not only with the program of my Faculty, but also with the learning goals that I have. The subjects are International Negotiation, Marketing Strategy and Plan, International Trade and Stratégies of Communication Publicitaire. The first three have almost perfect homologous at my Faculty, however I thought that it would be interesting being able to take them at Dijon, where I would undoubtedly learn new aspects of every area which would include the opinions and knowledge not only of international teachers, but also of the great number of foreign students that exist in the University. As for the last subject, I believe that it is an important part of Marketing and Business to know how to communicate advertising messages efficiently, for that reason I deemed it important to consider this subject as part of my possible academic load.
I believe that all of the above mentioned factors would help me have an enriching experience abroad, where not only I take and benefit, but where also I can offer the Mexican point of view based on my experience and the formation that I have had until now, adding to the international vision of the University.
I think that this would make me a better professional and a better person, with a broader vision of the world in general, and the business and marketing world in particular. I hope I can have this opportunity."
I chose four subjects from the educational program of the University that I thought fit perfectly, not only with the program of my Faculty, but also with the learning goals that I have. The subjects are International Negotiation, Marketing Strategy and Plan, International Trade and Stratégies of Communication Publicitaire. The first three have almost perfect corresponding courses at my Faculty, however I thought that it would be interesting to be able to take them at Dijon, where I would undoubtedly learn new aspects of every area which would include the opinions and knowledge , not only of international teachers, but also of the great number of foreign students that exist in the University. As for the last subject, I believe that it is an important part of Marketing and Business to know how to communicate advertising messages efficiently and for that reason I deemed it important to consider this subject as part of my possible academic load.
I believe that all of the above mentioned factors would help me to have an enriching experience abroad, where not only I take and benefit, but where also I can offer the Mexican point of view based on my experience and the formation ??education?? that I have had until now, adding to the international vision of the University.
I think that this would help me to excel at my profession and to become a better person, with a broader vision of the world in general, and the business and marketing world in particular. I hope that I can have this opportunity. Thank you very much for your consideration.
Thank you for your answer, Xylemm, and thank you very much for your revision Sanlee! I will be using your suggestions 
muchísisisimas gracias!
I know that if I get the opportunity to carry out this exchange I would make the most of it, not only because I owe it to my parents and both Universities for letting me reach this goal, but also because I know how valuable this would be for my future.
I chose Groupe ESC Dijon Bourgogne because its subjects fit better with my educational program, and I liked a lot the way they are implemented and how each one of them has clear objectives and ways to be imparted already established. On the other hand, the location of the University was also an important factor, since it is a campus and therefore it is a quiet environment that offers a lot of services and places attractive for students. Also, the city is rich in culture, which would allow me to get to know little by little part of the French history, architecture, literature and more, not even having to leave the city. Finally, my previous knowledge of French would make it easier for me to adapt to this city.
I know that if I get the opportunity to carry out this exchange I would make the most of it, not only because I owe it to my parents and both Universities for letting me reach this goal, but also because I know how valuable this would be for my future.
I chose Groupe ESC Dijon Bourgogne because its subjects fit better with my educational program, and I really like the way that they are designed and how each one of them has clear objectives and the methods that have been implemented ** are** already established. On the other hand, the location of the University is also an important factor, since it is a campus and ,therefore, it is a quiet environment that offers a lot of services and places that are attractive for students. Also, the city is rich in culture, which would allow me to get to know a part of the French history, architecture, literature and more **, little by little,** without even having to leave the city. Finally, my previous knowledge of French would make it easier for me to adapt to this city.
Let me try the first paragraph.
"Going on a scholar exchange is a dream that appeared after many friends of mine did it and came back talking about how it had been a great experience, and how it was an opportunity they would never regret having taken. I realized that, besides being one of the best experiences than one can have during their studies, it was also an opportunity that would not repeat itself and, therefore, I did not want to waste it. I think that an exchange helps not only to enter a new culture, to learn to understand and accept different points of view, to exploit our capacity of adaptation and undertaking, and to learn or improve a foreign language, but it also helps to enrich our professional formation. Facing challenges on a new environment and learning about new topics related to our career but with a different point of view, adds a great value to who we are as professionals and also as human beings.
To go on a scholar exchange has been one of my greatest dreams. I first heard about these great opportunities because many of my friends have taken advantage of them. They would come back from their adventures full of stories about how it had been a great experience and how it was a time in their lives that they would always treasure. I realize that, besides being one of the best experiences a person can have during their studies, it is also an opportunity that will not repeat itself and, therefore, I do not want to waste it. I think that an exchange helps not only to enter a new culture, to learn to understand and accept different points of view, to exploit our capacity of adaptation and behavior and to learn and improve a foreign language, but it also helps to enrich our professional formation. Facing challenges in a new environment and learning about new topics related to our career, but with a different points of view adds great value to who we are as professionals and also as human beings.
I would recommend changing the last sentence to something like "I hope you will give me this great opportunity", because "I hope I can have this opportunity" sounds a little odd in English.
