Of Culture, Racism, Attitude and Human Nature
A current post regarding something a football (real football, mind you, not that weird parody of rugby that doesn't actually use a ball, and only rarely uses the feet to kick the ellipsoid object that passes for ball) player said, and whether what this player said is indeed offensive or not, started me thinking once again about how words are used by people in different cultures and different contexts.
I have had the great blessing of being able to travel and live in several different places in the world, meeting people from a wide variety of cultures, and learning a great deal about what people feel comfortable with, and what they consider hurtful or insulting.
There are some words that are clearly meant to be cruelly offensive. There is no way they can ever deemed not to be offensive, even when used in a playful manner. For example:....(my lovely list got censored - which reminded me of this awesome -warning, profane language used!- video which serves the same purpose 
) People have taken the time, in most languages and cultures, to come up with words whose only purpose is to hurt and demean.
Other words, whoever, are by themselves quite innocent. The hurt they're able to produce comes from the intention with which they are uttered, and the place and time where they are used.
Some of these words are, for example: Negro, negrito, gordito, judío/ jew, goyim, gringo, paisa, portu, gallego, chino, and so forth.
In most of Latin America, our culture allows the free use of adjectives that refer to physical attributes or nationality, without them being insulting: Aquí viene el Gordo Manuel (here comes Manuel the Fat one) is a perfectly acceptable way to introduce a beloved friend in Latin America. In English this would never work, and to call Manuel Fat or Fatso to his face can only be insulting or hurtful.
Likewise, in Latin America a woman can fondly talk about her baby or her husband as "mi negrito", a man can refer to a delightful dark-skinned woman as " qué negraza más buena", or call her fondly "venga mi negra". The corner's baker of Portuese descent is known to all the neighbors as "El Portu", and we talk about our Spanish friends as "los gallegos", even if they're in fact from Madrid or Valencia.
Many of the generic words used to describe foreigners come from sheer ignorance, not from ill intention: fore example, that "gallego" used to refer to all Spanish nationals, gringo for all English-speaking foreginers, "turco" for anyone of Arabic descent, even if they have absolutely nothing to do with Turkey, and (this one bothers me personally, because I have so many Asian friends and ties) "chino" to refer to anyone with even vaguely Asian features.
I have many Jewish friends, and it's absolutely no problem to talk about "mis amigos judíos". But I have heard misguided people utter the word "judío" with venom and spite. Likewise I know that I am Goy to some of my Jewish friends' families - but they do not say it to my face.
In Venezuela, all Colombians, and people from the Venezuelan Andes, are "paisa", although the word can also have a derogatory twist to mean "stupid". One way is fine, the other one isn't.
For centuries the people in Latin America have lived using these words to call each other, and no one has ever objected. Yes, I am "gordo". Yes, I am negro. Yes, I am gallego. So what?
The "what" comes from my tone and my intention, of course. If I look at a fat lady with disgust in my eyes and scornfully tell her: "Vete Gorda, no te quiero ver", then "gorda" becomes a painful insult.
If I tell my cronies: "ese negro no entra a mi casa", then I'm being racist and mean. If I approach a Japanese tourist looking lost, and say: "¿qué pasa, chinito no tiene aló?" (wha'ts up, chink hasn't got 'lice' -rice-?), then I am being deliberately insulting.
And perhaps if I am a well traveled football (the real stuff) player, playing in Europe, or in the US, and say something like: "ese negrito debería estar limpiando baños, no jugando fútbol", I should know that I will draw righteous anger and at least a reprimand, for using insulting and racist language - even if this same player refers lovingly to his kids as "mis negritos".
23 Answers
You are a sage, Señor Gekko.
Many of the generic words used to describe foreigners come from sheer ignorance, not from ill intention: fore example, that "gallego" used to refer to all Spanish nationals, gringo for all English-speaking foreginers, "turco" for anyone of Arabic descent, even if they have absolutely nothing to do with Turkey, and (this one bothers me personally, because I have so many Asian friends and ties) "chino" to refer to anyone with even vaguely Asian features.
I think this is my favorite paragraph because it's so true. It bothers me when a Korean or Japanese person gets called Chinese. Why do people do that? Clearly, Korea and Japan aren't China.
Stereotyping is a big problem, especially with people my age.
I am half Pakistani, but my brother and others tell me I look like I am 100%. I've been called Iraqi, Iranian, A-rab [yep, that hypen is intentional...], terrorist, "Iraqian" [that's definitely not what people from Iraqi are called...], a Hindi [a person cannot be a Hindi...people aren't languages], an Islam [similarly, a person isn't a religion], the list goes on. Absolutely nothing is wrong with being from Iraq or Iran. Nothing is wrong with being Arab or speaking Hindi or being Muslim. But I still get angry because there is a difference. However, this stereotyping is all driven out of sheer ignorance. So I take those opportunities of when I get called an Indian and a "sand-n!%%3r" to tell people the difference, the hurt that comes from being discriminated against, and hopefully I take the ignorance out of them.
I've been thinking about this:
Yes, I am "gordo". Yes, I am negro. Yes, I am gallego. So what?
Things work differently where I live.
I am a woman, there is no problem about that. I like being a woman.
However, if someone says to me:
Eh, mujer. Ven aquí.
Well, I simply have no words to express how this sounds. It is terribly rude! And mujer itself is obviously not a derogatory term. There is nothing wrong about my condition.
However, it sounds kind of patronising to speak to someone referring to her/his features or nature. Everyone has a name.
So, as a rule, I never refer to a person's identity, when speaking to them or about them. In fact, I try (in vain) to stop my mind from recognizing a person's identity. By identity, I mean a person's origins - North Indian, Christian, et al and not his existence as an individual.
I agree, Shuaib. That person I just met is an individual, not a nationality, not a skin-color, not a culture or a religion. I know nothing about them until I take the time to get to know them. I know that we will have a lot in common. I know that we will have some unique, perhaps even mystifying, aspects. It's up to that person to define themselves to me, and it's up to me to hear them. Then I will learn just what and how important their nationality/religion/culture/family/sports/politics/and everything else under the sun are to them.
I know this because I grew up among racists. I revolted and became, for a while, a flaming, bleeding-heart liberal, until I realized that that was equally racist and even more patronizing. I literally had to retrain my brain to look at an individual and see them as such. For those of you with a more worldly upbringing, I can tell you - it is not as easy as you might think.
So, as a rule, I never refer to a person's identity, when speaking to them or about them.
In fact, I try (in vain) to stop my mind from recognizing a person's identity.
By identity, I mean a person's origins - North Indian, Christian, et al and not his existence as an individual.
Last February I had the pleasure of being a part of a day long "Courageous Conversations on Race" in my town, facilitated by some amazing African American women who have been specifically trained to lead these discussions.
It was very a very enlightening day. We talked about words that hurt, how racist remarks are minimized by the dominant culture and the benefits and opportunities that come to you when you are in a society's dominant culture vs. other cultures.
I had just come back to the U.S. after a year in Spain. In Spain I clearly looked like a foreigner, did not experience the opportunities that I had come to expect, and felt the isolation of not "blending" or always knowing the socially appropriate thing to do.
Today in the U.S. I appreciate the opportunities I have much more than I did before and am very sensitive to what it is like for people who are not in the dominant culture. I try to open doors for people who may not have an advocate when I can.
In the end, hurtful words are used to gain or keep power. This needs to be understood because in every culture, the groups are different, the names are different, the history of conflict is different and the power is distributed differently.
We see it in the elementary schools I visit for my work. An eight year old may tell a five year old, "You're a B A B Y!" That' s not racist, but it's a power play, a technique of a bully.
Before we use words that we know are emotionally or racially charged with or against people who are not in the dominant culture, even in jest, I ask you to ask yourself: can I maintain my power in a way that is more gracious, more kind or uplifting? I think we would see that we can.
Anyone who wants to learn more about Courageous Conversations on race can go to this link for an explanation and additional resources.
Two cents...
I am, perhaps, (!) fortunate to live in a part of England which is very 'nice' - low crime, no visible poverty, clean air, space! I associate with a lot of middle-class people.
In this little piece of the world, it is not PC to describe a person as 'coloured', but it is okay to describe them as 'black'. As far as I can see, the only reason for this is
fashion in political correctness.
The PC brigade are happy to to describe as black anyone who has an amount of African blood, but how many people truly have black skin? We can all see that there are different shades of brown and very few black. I myself can tan quite well in the sun, but in winter I sport a sickly yellowish hue much of the time, and bright pink cheeks and nose when out in the cold!
In the past, (around here) to describe somebody as coloured was PC, it was thought to be sensitive, and black was the bad word! So the people who use the word coloured think they are being sensitive and correct, they just haven't kept up to date with current terms!
This is what annoys me about political correctness, that it is frequently misused to demonstrate superiority over others and to make them feel stupid and ignorant.
My dad used to get shouts of "P***!!" when he was a football referee - he has black hair, brown eyes and mid-brown skin, especially in summer. (For those who are baffled by the asterisks, it's a word that is only used offensively, to describe people from Pakistan) Those shouts were truly intended as insults, they were
meant to hurt.
Using words that are not deemed politically correct by the petite bourgeousie, in my opinion, is not necessarily hurtful. It's not what you say, it's the way that you say it!
Oh dear what a big 2 cents...
Well that sums it up in my opinion.
I would have written something similar if I was as smart as a tiny lizzard - but I'm just a blanquito 
Missing Kansas student found alive
Ok, this is seriously a story that should be rejoiced. Thank God that she was found alive. However, I was reading the comments and my stomach literally turned.
She got tired of her husband, probably an arranged marriage.
How would this guy know her marriage was arranged?
I don't know why they even looked for her, she muslim. Why waist man power
Learn how to spell "waste". Oh, and Muslim people should just go missing? What kind of racist fool would even think of something like this?!
Sounds like she was trying to escape from her life.
So every woman who wears hijab is unhappy?
This type of racism and discrimination in America seriously needs to stop. This is ridiculous!
So much of communication is non-verbal communication and also includes tone of voice; the words alone fail to express the whole picture! What Gekko, Cogu and others have expressed so well is that it is not so much what we say but how we say it that determines people's responses to our words and of course the attitude behind the words!
Another key factor is our relationship to those people with which we communicate. If I have a relationship of trust with a close friend or member of my family It may allow me the opportunity to build a closer bond of trust with them and having built that bridge of trust with that person/persons be granted an unspoken permission to say things that would otherwise be considered insulting or hurtful when spoken by an strnager/outsider; maybe sharing some home truths! However, great care needs to be taken even in such circumstances for it is easy to ''overstep the mark''(to go too far) and create bad feeling. Banter, for example can be very funny when both people are clearly enjoying it and are comfortable in each other's presence and confident that nothing is intended in a malicious way. Sensitivity is needed on both sides to know when a friendship/relationship is strong enough to allow for that friendly exchange of communication without either side being hurt/offended or insulted by the other person's words.
I personally feel that the depth of trust and acceptance by the other person or persons in the group and others from their culture (whether Jewish, Muslim, Christian or other) will be a significant factor in influencing how people respond to pet names by which you might call them. The tone of voice of course is very important. Words can be spoken gently with loving humour between friends or cruelly with intent to hurt.
There used to be a saying around when I was a child: ''Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me!'' How untrue! Words can leave deeper amd longer lasting emotional scars than a punch or a stick ..not that I am advocating either of course, just pointing the fallacy of such a stupid, ill-conceived saying!
We must choose our words carefully or risk losing our friends!. And is speaking our mind such a wonderful skill to have? Surely, thinking before we speak would help us to avoid causing unnecessary hurt to others and wisdom and discretion is a better guide than the freedom to say what we choose?
Just thinking out aloud......
Great post Gekko and as usual you have a way of inviting everyone "in" in a non-threatening way. Well done.
When I was a child growing up in the sixties racist and derogatory terms were commonplace but gradually over time these terms have been rightly put "in their place" either through our own "growing up" or through cold hard Legislation, strictly enforced.
Our indigenous Australians, the Koori people, bore the brunt of some of the cruellest terms. Even as a child I hated these words quite often used by members of my own family. Thank goodness most of us have come to our senses. In some ways the "good old days" were not "all that good" for many minority peoples.
Again, well said Gekko
I haven't got a clue what she said, but I agree with Cogu 
Regards
Fat Billy
Gekko-san
As always, I am exceedingly impressed with what you write. 
Sadly, as far as Americans are concerned, I welcome you to the world of PC (political correctness). It's history goes back to the late 60s. Unfortunately, it stayed around way to long (in my humble opinion).
It now operates to close dialogues, not continue them to the beneficial enlightenment of those engaged in the dialog.
Also, from my experience, people are usually more sensitive in their youth, and become increasingly less sensitive (but not always) as they age.
And finally, let me add that I have caused much more hurt in my life by taking an innocent statement as an insult, than visa versa. 
I have found in general there is no idea of PCness where I live in Spain or Catalonia or wherever it is. To the point where I've seen students and teachers grab the corners of their eyes and pull them to describe Asian members of the class... both in their pretense and when they weren't there.
In general I don't think racism is any worse here than it is in Ireland or the Czech Republic, the other two places I've lived, it's equally rampant everywhere!
Please, for everybody, do NOT use words on this thread which only have one meaning: insult or slander.
Thanks.
Cogumela said:
Again with racism? Rather than a matter of racism, my point is that in some countries, it's considered very rude to speak to someone who is a perfect stranger in such a direct way.
Take negrito as example, or español, or listillo, or guapita de cara, or rubia, or cojo, or tartamudo, or belleza, or cariño. These are not proper ways to speak to an stranger, and one must learn where he is.
Again with racism? Rather than a matter of racism, my point is that in some countries, it's considered very rude to speak to someone who is a perfect stranger in such a direct way. Take negrito as example, or español, or listillo, or guapita de cara, or rubia, or cojo, or tartamudo, or belleza, or cariño. These are not proper ways to speak to an stranger, and one must learn where he is.
I agree. There is an issue, which is what my thread is fundamentally about, that has to do with using words in a hurtful manner. What words exactly are hurtful, and why, is something that varies widely from one culture to the next, and from one context to another. And then there's the matter of intent.
In certain cultures, and certain circumstances, I can be offensive using certain words, even if I don't have that intention: for example if I refer to someone as "Fat Robert" in the US, or refer to Cogumela as "La gallega". If I came straight our of Venezuela, for examply, without having had any exposure to foreign cultures, I might be baffled to learn that Robert and Cogumela were offended by my innocent remarks.
So cultural sensitivity, and discretion of course, are essential when dealing with people outside our culture and our circle of acquaintances.
Beyond that there is the issue of intent. If I know that Eduardo is offended by words such as "negro" and "judío", and I say to his face: ¿Cómo vas a querer andar con mi hija, si además de negro eres judío?, for example, then I am using words that might otherwise be a source of pride as a tool to hurt and demean. Perhaps I am not even really a racist, but I'm showing myself to be a bigot, an ignorant, and a mean person to boot.
I am very reluctant to enter the debate posed by Chileno that there is no racism in Latin America. I will state that I am inclined to disagree. But I have talked about that particular subject in a couple of different threads already.
