watching TV is bad for children 3

Question

Please could you check this? These is a body of an essay

Researchers had studied that children had had more than one hour watching TV had increased chances of attention deficit disorder by 10%, and in a study of 1000 children showed three hours TV a day made children more likely to have the disorder; however, it has been shown also that there are programs specially developed to the children that improve their brain power.

In addition, there are many educational programs TV for children in our country, for example Sesame Street that teach to children the knowledge of the alphabet, letter names, letter sounds and sight words even in other language. In a study teachers broke children up into different groups: there was a group of music-only exposure, video-only exposure, and a control grup which is music and video both put together. After the evaluation, they found that when testing the children after their viewing that the musical therapy group was the lowest on the learning scale when compared with the music and video put together. That shows that the television program promotes higher literacy and learning elements than just music alone.

thanks

Answer 1

Researchers have studied that children who have watched more than one hour of TV have a 10% increased chance of attention deficit disorder, and a study of 1000 children showed that three hours of TV a day made children more likely to have the disorder; however, it has been shown also that there are programs specially developed to the children that improve their brain power.

In addition, there are many educational TV programs for children in our country, for example Sesame Street teaches children the alphabet, letter names, letter sounds and even words in other languages. In a study teachers broke children up into different groups: there was a group of music-only exposure, video-only exposure, and a control grup which is music and video both put together. After the evaluation, they found that when testing the children after their viewing the musical therapy group was the lowest on the learning scale when compared with the music and video put together. This shows that television programs may promotes higher literacy and learning elements than music alone.

corrections in italics, also i deleted several unnecessary prepositional words (that, for, had, etc.)

los correcciones son en cursiva, también borré unas palabras que no se necesita. (that, for, had, y más)

hablo ingles y aprendo español, diga me si tienes preguntas

"...and control group which is music.." should be "...and control group which was music..." - rayr72, Dec 12, 2011

gracias rayr, pero a mí me ayudaría mucho si las correcciones en lugar de ponerlas en cursiva las pones en negrita - maylegoas, Dec 12, 2011