Does this line of Spanish poetry make sense?

Question

I'm writing a tri-lingual poem. Incroyable is unbelievable in French. the rest is in English and Spanish. this is just a section of the poem, because the rest is in English. What I'm trying to say with the Spanish line is, "Even our beautiful languages couldn't make a rich life of our own" or something to that extent. I can only express this in Spanish, but I'm still not sure how it would sound to a native Spanish speaker, even if they expect it to be poetic. Help much appreciated, thanks!!

"For our circumstances are unbelievable still

Incroyable.

Increíble.

Incluso nuestras bellísimas lenguas no pudieron hacer una rica vida nuestra

Not a soul knows how I’ve kept your soul alive

For such a long stretch of time"

Answer 1

Hola, dondeestascor:

Careful with using "Incluso" in a negative sentence, it does not make sense in Spanish.

Ni siquiera nuestras bellísimas lenguas pudieron enriquecer nuestra propia vida

Good effert, gogu, I tried to understand it and failed, I must lack poetic inspiration tonight.. - annierats, Dec 11, 2011