Animal Talk: Figure out the Strange Dialog from Venezuela
The following is a fairly old joke that has been making the Internet circuits for a very long time. However, I received it again via email recently, and I figured that it would make a fun challenge for the Forum.
The goal is to try and translate the following dialog into meaningful English speech. You get extra points if you're able to incorporate (or at least explain) the animal components of this conversation within your translation.
Please: NO Venezuelans, and NO Googling. Other native Spanish speakers may provide hints, but if you know what this means, please don't spoil the fun for the Spanish students! 
The premise is that, "Venezuela is the only country where you may converse by speaking only about animals. A perfectly normal dialog between friends might be as follows":
“¿Qué paso Chigüire?”
“Dime ratón ¿qué hay?”
“Aquí Engorilado, por una Rata que me está Zamureando a la jeva…”
“Mosca que te puede salir una Culebra de ahí….”
“¡Nah! Ese es un Becerro,le voy a meter un Burro e’ rolazos a ese Gallo.”
“Y como supiste”
“Ah, me lo dijo un Pajarito.”
“Bueno, nos vemos porque tengo un Raton bien fuerte y la Cuaima me esta esperando………..¡¡¡¡¡¡ Chao Pesca’o…”!!!!
20 Answers
Well I thought I'd have a go and translate it to Kiwi slang let me know if you need a translation 
“¿Qué paso Chigüire?” What's up bro'?
“Dime ratón ¿qué hay?” Hey bro' what's the prob'?
“Aquí Engorilado, por una Rata que me está Zamureando a la jeva…” Ah I'm slacked off, some dog is sniffing around my wahine (girl).
“Mosca que te puede salir una Culebra de ahí….” Mongrel, I hope you can take him.
“¡Nah! Ese es un Becerro,le voy a meter un Burro e’ rolazos a ese Gallo.” Nah he's an egg, I'll kick that wimp's sorry butt.
“Y como supiste” How did you suss him out?
“Ah, me lo dijo un Pajarito.” Oh, a little bird told me.
“Bueno, nos vemos porque tengo un Raton bien fuerte y la Cuaima me esta esperando………..¡¡¡¡¡¡ Chao Pesca’o…”!!!! Anyway I'll sort it later, I'm smashed and my old lady's waiting for me. Later dude.
“What's up, dude?”
“Tell me, Rat, what's new?”
“I'm a bit blown up because some Rat hassling me.”
“What's bothering you can leave you like a snake from over there….”
“No! He's just a little kid, I'm going to give him a donkey's (kick in the a$$) to that show off.”
“How'd you find out?”
“Oh, a little birdie (or gossip) told me.”
“Well, we'll see because I have a strong Rat and the xxx are waiting for me....Later, dude (fish)!
Hi Gekko
But if you haven't heard it before it might just as well be greek. About the only piece that I have understood because it is a saying from the east end of London is,
A little bird told me.
What's up, dog?
You tell me dude, what's new?
Just going a little ape-sh** over here on account of some low-life rat buzzing around tryin' to swoop down on my leftovers (my chick).
That little fly keeps buzzing around he's gonna get bit/bring out the snake in you.
Nah, he's just a young pup, I'm gonna give that little show off a swift kick in the @** and send him on his way
How did you find out?
Oh, a little bird told me.
Well, I'll see you later because I've got a fine little chick on the side and my old-lady is at home waiting and ready to bite my head off. Later alligator!!!!
Codifico la información que conozco porque estropearía el juego.
Jugaré solo a averiguar lo que me resulta chino mandarín.
“¿Qué pasó, tío?”
“Dime chaval ¿qué hay?”
“Aquí cabreao, por un jetas que me está intentando birlar a la novia”
“Cuidao, que te la puede levantar….”
“¡Nah! Ese es un pringao,le voy a meter un par de guantazos a ese chulo.”
“¿Y cómo te enteraste?”
“Ah, *****************”
“Bueno, nos vemos porque tengo un catarro bien fuerte y mi cama me esta esperando………..¡¡¡¡¡¡ ***************”!!!!
"What's up, dude?"
"Tell me, kid, what's up?
"I'm annoyed, this tight wad is trying to steal my wife."
"Watch it, you could be opening a can of worms with that."
"Nah! The guy is just a little squirt, I'm gonna kick that little upstart like a donkey and hit him hard."
"How did you find out?"
"A little birdie told me."
"Well, I have to go, I have a big problem of my own and my cure is waiting for me (cuaime-cuídame?) See ya later, alligator."
This is really, really hard!
"What's up, dude?"
"Hey, what's up?
"I'm a bit annoyed, some piece of scum is trying to steal my girl."
"Watch it, you could be opening a can of worms with that."
"Nah! The guy is just an imbecile, I'm gonna kick his butt."
"How did you find out?"
"A little birdie told me."
"Well, I have to go, I have a massive hangover and my bed is waiting. See ya later, alligator."
The Mosca, I think it's one of those horrid flies that crawl under the tails of animals, but I don't quite understand what they are saying..
Becerro: a zero? a real nought, useless? Idiot?
I'll have a go at the last bit:
We've got to go beacause I have taken my viagra ( well, hard bit, you know?) and the bed is waiting. See you later, alligator ( fish, cod..)
Improvement? with help from gekkosan: I've got a throbbing head ( hangover) and the bed is waiting? ?
Don't show this to any politically correct persons. 
What happened, dude?
Tell me, what's going on?
Well, I am pissed off due with a chick who is informing on me to the boss
Damn it, you had better watch out since you may end up with big problems...
No,it is a piece of cake, I am going to knock out this guy.
Well, how can you know.
Well, a little bird (another girl??) told me.
Right, see you around, I had better go because of this girl, a real pin up model, I tall ya, and, what is more, ????? is awaiting me. See you around, man about town!
All in all, I have no idea whatsoever how to get the gist of it, let alone translate
Aw, come on! No one else is willing to give this one a try? It's a bit tricky, yes, but it's also very real. This is the sort of thing you may actually hear in a Latin American street, and people understand what each other means!
Explanation
“¿Qué paso Chigüire?”
What's up dude, what's up bro? Chigüire is the Venezuelan term for Capibara, the largest rodent in the world. It's a common animal in the Venezuelan plains, where it is commonly eaten. No particular reason why it's used here as "dude". Just a funny animal name.
“Dime ratón ¿qué hay?”
Yo Bro, what's up? (The use of "Ratón" - mouse- here is a variation of "Rata" - rat. While "rat" can be sometimes be used like "SOB" when deserved, it does not necessarily have to be quite so strong when used among buddies. In order to soften it even more, "ratón" may be used instead.)
“Aquí Engorilado, por una Rata que me está Zamureando a la jeva…”
Most everyone got this one right. Engorilado means acting like a gorilla: enraged, furious, because someone (some SOB in this case) is sniffing around his girlfriend. "Zamurear" comes from "Zamuro", which is the Venezuelan word for vulture.
“Mosca que te puede salir una Culebra de ahí….”
Mosca means "beware", "be alert". Flies are usually tricky to catch, and will fly away quickly if you get too close. So to be "mosca" is to be alert to one's surroundings, like a fly.
Culebra is a snake, so to have a "snake come out of there" means that something bad could happen, something dangerous if this other guy is confronted.
“¡Nah! Ese es un Becerro,le voy a meter un Burro e’ rolazos a ese Gallo.”
Becerro, in this context, means an idiot. Meter un burro e' rolazos (I used rolazos instead of a coarser word originally used), is a colorful way to say "beat the heck out of..."
Ese Gallo is easy enough to figure out: that cockerel, that cocky guy. So, that guy is an idiot. I'll beat the heck out of that cocky boy.
“Y como supiste”
“Ah, me lo dijo un Pajarito.”
Everyone got that one right. It translates directly into English.
“Bueno, nos vemos porque tengo un Raton bien fuerte y la Cuaima me esta esperando………..¡¡¡¡¡¡ Chao Pesca’o…”!!!!
In this context, as Kiwi correctly translated, "ratón" is a very Venezuelan word to mean a hangover.
And at last, the mystery word that nobody could figure out: Cuaima.
Cuaima is a Venezuelan word for "snake", and it is commonly used to refer to two types of women. Used in a derogatory way, "cuaima" means the same a "viper" in English: a dangerious, evil, poisonous woman.
But more recently, women have adopted the moniker to mean a strong, wilful, fierce woman.
In any event, this guy needs to leave, because he's got a fierce hangover, and the missus (clearly not a lady to be trifled with or annoyed with impunity) is waiting for him.
Chao pescao was also correctly identified as an exact equivalent to "see you later, alligator".
My thanks to all who participated, and for the many creative and interesting guesses!
Last Chance!
I'm offering a last chance for someone to take the Grand Prize by answering this question in full.
As I stated in my last few comments, each one of the lines of this strange and colorful dialog have been correctly translated in one or several of the answers. However, nobody has yet offered a single answer with all the correct lines in it. If no one posts the full answer by tomorrow, I'll post the translation myself.
¿Qué paso Chigüire?” What's going on, mate?
“Dime ratón ¿qué hay?”
What's up then, Ratty?
“Aquí Engorilado, por una Rata que me está Zamureando a la jeva…
I'm in a furious mood ( like a gorilla) because a right **** is pestering my girl.
“Mosca que te puede salir una Culebra de ahí….”
Fly, take care, you could get stung. Alternative The Mozzies (police) could swat you.
“¡Nah! Ese es un Becerro,le voy a meter un Burro e’ rolazos a ese Gallo.”
UH, he's just a useless prat, I'll give the young cockerel a right kick up his ass.
“Y como supiste”
How did you cotton on?
“Ah, me lo dijo un Pajarito.”
Oh, a little birdie told me.
“Bueno, nos vemos porque tengo un Raton bien fuerte y la Cuaima me esta esperando………..¡¡¡¡¡¡ Chao Pesca’o…
OK, See you later alligator, I'm going to bed now , I've got a terrible hangover. ' In a little while, crocodilel'
UPDATE
I believe that by now, people have provided through the different post most of the answers needed to complete the puzzle. We still need an accurate interpretation for the beginning of lines 4 and 5 of the original, but we're getting there!
Chico...lo del ratón...jeje, divertido, se ve que lo usan para to'
En España lo del ratón...ni idea.
Hay los que me llaman a mi ratoncito
..te conste que los que menos, jeje, los que más: RATA! 
