Please, could you proofread my English mistakes? 2

Question

In order to make a good presentation; Rosita, three weeks ago, prepared herself with several steps. first of all, she researched the topic of her speech in the internet; and, she organized the main points; meanwhile, she selected the specific information. Second, in a paper she organized her ideas in an outline; Third, She wrote an initial rough draft; and with her father helps Rosita polished and edited (fleshing out) the rough draft. Finally, Rosita made a final copy; then, she studied and practiced it in front of her friends Jeremias and Julian. and they recomended to Rosita, to prepare a help memory in order to not forget anything. To conclude, I think that Rosita prepared well in these three weeks to one of the main moments of her graduation: her speech.

Thanks

Quite good, yes some minor mistakes, but over-all well written. - coolclay, Nov 5, 2011

Could you proof read my English paragraph for mistakes, please. (just nicer phrasing) - coolclay, Nov 5, 2011

Answer 1

Try this , Mayle:

In order to make a good presentation; Rosita, three weeks ago, prepared herself with several steps

In order to make a good presentation, Rosita prepared herself three weeks ago with several steps.

first of all, she researched the topic of her speech in the internet; and, she organized the main points; meanwhile, she selected the specific information.

First...on the internet and organized the main points. I don't feel like "meanwhile" is the proper word to use here. Try By doing this, she selected the specific information.

Second, in a paper she organized her ideas in an outline

Second, on paper, she organized...

Third, She wrote an initial rough draft; and with her father helps Rosita polished and edited (fleshing out) the rough draft.

Third, she wrote a rough draft. With her father's help, Rosita polished and edited the rough draft.

I have not heard the expression "fleshing out" ever before.

Finally, Rosita made a final copy; then, she studied and practiced it in front of her friends Jeremias and Julian.

Finally, Rosita made a final copy**. Then,** she studied and practiced it in front of her friends Jeremias and Julian.

and they recomended to Rosita, to prepare a help memory in order to not forget anything.

This is a little confusing. I would say, They gave advice to Rosita, recommending tips to help her not forget anything.

To conclude, I think that Rosita prepared well in these three weeks to one of the main moments of her graduation: her speech.

"...in these three weeks to prepare for one of the main..."

Wonderful work, Mayle!

I have used the term "to flesh out"- http://www.thefreedictionary.com/flesh+out - :-) - Stadt, Nov 4, 2011

Interesting, Stadt! Thanks so much for the link...I've never heard anyone use this before! I'm going to try to use it in one of my conversations in the near future. - SonrisaDelSol, Nov 4, 2011

thanks SonrisaDelSo you are my teacher - maylegoas, Nov 4, 2011

You're welcome! - SonrisaDelSol, Nov 4, 2011

Lastly, Rosita made a final copy. - coolclay, Nov 5, 2011

Answer 2

Answer 3

Additional feedback

"She organised her main points by selecting specific information" Secondly, she organised her ideas in an outline/plan on her paper or she organised her ideas by brainstorming on her paper. Alternately: She, then, brainstormed, before making a plan. Plan implies organisation.

"Third, she wrote a rough draft. With her father's help, Rosita polished and edited the rough draft." I like this, but it is unnecessary to repeat rough draft. Fleshing out is quite a common term. If you think of a plan as a skeleton, then you add flesh to it, or expand it. That's what fleshing out means. Thirdly, Rosita fleshed out her plan into a rough draft which her father helped her to polish. (Editing is implied in polishing.)

"Finally, Rosita made a final copy**. Then,** she studied and practiced it in front of her friends Jeremias and Julian." You've repeated 'final' here. Try "lastly,". It sounds nicer if you say: She then tried to memorise her speech before delivering it to her friends, Jeremias and Julian.

They helped Rosita by giving her memorisation tips.

"To conclude, I think that Rosita prepared well in these three weeks to one of the main moments of her graduation: her speech." In conclusion would be a good signposting tool, but it doesn't suit the structure of a story. Instead try: Rosita was well prepared for her speech, one of the major moments in her graduation.

You're write very well but I think that these will improve your writing even more