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¿este párrafo esta bien escrito?

¿este párrafo esta bien escrito?

3
votes

Is this paragrah correct?

My bedroom is my favorite room for several reasons. First of all, I have all the privacy that I want in my bedroom; in fact, this place is only for my. I can do anything in my bedroom. For exmaple, I can dance, sing, study and think in my room. Also, I decide who enter to my bedroom. Second, my bedroom is very spacious. It is big and I can find whatever that I want, because all the things have their correct place. Another reason is that my bedroom is beautiful. The walls are painted of my favorite color, blue. Furthermore, I can see the stars in my window. This make me feel relax although I have a bad day. Finally, my bedroom is very quiet. There are not TV's or radios and I sleep alone there. Indeed, I have four reasons about why my bedroom is my favorite room. It is privacy, spacious, beautiful and quiet.

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updated Oct 27, 2011
posted by Jessylorena

4 Answers

3
votes

I made a lot of corrections, but really you did pretty well. Don't be discouraged!

My bedroom is my favorite room for several reasons. First of all, I have all the privacy that I want in my bedroom; in fact, this place is only for me.

I can do anything in my bedroom. For example, I can dance, sing, study and think in my room. Also, I decide who enters my bedroom.

Second, my bedroom is very spacious. It is big and I can find whatever that I want, because all the things have their correct place.

Another reason is that my bedroom is beautiful. The walls are painted of in my favorite color, blue. Furthermore, I can see the stars in my window. This make me feel relaxed even if although I have a bad day. Finally, my bedroom is very quiet. There are not no TV's or radios and I sleep alone there. Indeed, I have four reasons about that why my bedroom is my favorite room. It is They are privacy, spaciousness, beauty and quietness.

updated Oct 26, 2011
edited by Goyo
posted by Goyo
thanks :) - Jessylorena, Oct 25, 2011
1
vote

Revisions will be italicized or bolded.

My bedroom is my favorite room for several reasons. First of all, I have all the privacy I want in my bedroom. [deleted sentence]

I can do anything in my bedroom. For example, I can dance, sing, study, and think in my room. I can also decide who can enter my bedroom.

Secondly, my bedroom is very spacious. Since it is big, I can find whatever I want because every item has their correct place.

Thirdly, my bedroom is beautiful. The walls are painted my favorite color, blue. Furthermore, I can see the stars in my window. This make me feel relaxed even though I had a bad day.

Finally, my bedroom is very quiet. While I sleep alone, there are not any televisions or radios. The four reasons why my bedroom is my favorite room is because it's spacious, beautiful, and private.

Hope I helped!

Cindy

updated Oct 26, 2011
posted by heyitscindyxo
1
vote

That was very good, a few minor errors that Goyo has corrected. I hope my Spanish will be that good one day. smile

updated Oct 25, 2011
posted by MaryMcc
thanks MaryMcc :) - Jessylorena, Oct 25, 2011
0
votes

Is this paragrah correct?

My bedroom is my favorite room for several reasons. First of all, I have all the privacy I want in my bedroom, in fact, this place is only for me. I can do anything I want in my bedroom. For example, I can dance, sing, study and think here in my room. I decide who enters my bedroom, second, my bedroom is very spacious. It is big and I can find whatever that I want, because everything has its place. Another reason is that my bedroom is beautiful. The walls are painted my favorite color, blue. Furthermore, I can see the stars in my window. This makes me feel relaxed even though I may have had a bad day. Finally, my bedroom is very quiet. There are no TV's or radios and I sleep alone there. Indeed, I have four reasons about why my bedroom is my favorite room. It is my privacy, spacious, beautiful and quiet.

updated Oct 27, 2011
posted by pacofinkler