Could you proofread my mistakes in this introductory paragraph
This is an Introductory paragraph and I trying of consider on it a General Statement and the thesis statement.
Could you help me with this?.
"Money can buy a house but it can not a home". Yes, for example, in middle of a great and attractive city there are a small and humble house, this is mine. My house is small and it is located in the Unidad Vecinal No 3, it was made by the ex president of our country, the architect Mr. Belaunde T. I think that in it should be God, who is reflected in the love of people living at home. My house have harmony among the people living there, and all of it, my favorite room is my bedroom because besides of that is cozy, pretty and have privacy, I can say that is true the Chinese Proverb: "Money can buy a bed, but it can not buy sleep".
Thanks
4 Answers
MaryMcc I like your suggestions, but I might offer a few more suggestions for the last sentences:
I think that God is reflected in the love that the people living there share, as they live in harmony. My favorite room is my bedroom because it is cozy, pretty and private. I would say that the Chinese Proverb: "Money can buy a bed, but it can not buy sleep" is very true.
This is how I would change it, I hope I haven't changed your meaning
"Money can buy a house but it cannot buy a home". Yes, for example, in the middle of a great and attractive city there is a small and humble house, this is mine. My house is small and it is located in the Unidad Vecinal No 3, it was built (or maybe designed) by the ex president of our country, the architect Mr. Belaunde T. I think that God, is reflected in the love of the people living there who live in harmony. My favorite room is my bedroom because is cozy, pretty and private, I can say that the Chinese Proverb: "Money can buy a bed, but it can not buy sleep" is true.
I would add that whenever "... can not ..." appears, it is preferred instead to use "... cannot ...".
