How do you know when to tutear someone?
As an English speaker with only "you" it is difficult for me to know when it is appropriate to "tutear" an acquaintance. I communicate in Spanish with coworkers in Latin America, some of whom are roughly on the same level as I and some who may be a grade higher. Some of them will start off with "tu" with me right away and others with "usted". Should I just respond the same way? How do you know when a "usted" relationship becomes a "tu" relationship? Could I offend someone by using "tu" too soon? This is so tough for someone with no frame of reference. Then when you add in the opposite sex factor it becomes even harder. Most of my communication is with the same sex and I would be very reluctant to tutear someone of the opposite sex for fear of seeming flirtatious. (I am married and do not want to give another the idea I am flirting.)
I think this is the hardest thing about speaking Spanish for me. Thanks for any guidance you can provide.
8 Answers
Interesting topic.
You should normally use usted to anyone you'd address as sir or ma'am, to those that you don't have a friendly relationship with, etc.
As in English, I think the lines are only guidelines, and different people will have different practices and opinions. And yes, as in English, some people will be offended if you sound too friendly too soon. So if there is any doubt, you use usted rather than tú.
That being said, I get the impression that by and large, people are pretty laid back about it.
Also it's interesting to note that in the Bible, people use tú to address God.
I am older than dirt so I can 'tu' anyone I please. hahaha
edited for typo
A lot of it depends on the people you are talking to. Right now I am taking 2 classes from 2 very different distinguished professors from Spain. If I used "usted" with either one of them I might get slapped or kicked out of the classroom. In fact one of my professors refers to just about everyone in the class younger or older as "cariño" "guapo/a" or "tío/a". On the other hand my brother in-law (Peru) uses the usted form with his family all the time, and another of my friends from Peru told me he addressed his mom using "usted" well into his twenties. Personally I have noticed that a lot of Spanish speakers that normally use "tú" when talking to someone will occasionally throw an "usted" out there just to let the person they are talking to know that they care about/respect them. My recommendation is just ask the people who you are speaking with how they prefer to be addressed, Not only does this help your Spanish conversational skills, but it gives you a little insight into different cultures and lets people know you are making a serious attempt to talk with them respectfully.
A couple of Spanish speakers I asked told me that if talking to somebody your own age or younger it's always safe to use 'tú', but that if the person is both older, and a new acquantaince/stranger, it's better to use 'usted' until that person suggests the less formal mode of address.
I think it's like addressing someone by his/her first name or by his/her last name.
Here in Arizona, I have noticed tú is used almost always, except for children talking with adults. In fact, the Spanish cultural norm here is to be much more familiar with someone you just met than is typical in English culture. When talking with a direct superior or when otherwise in doubt I would still use Usted but I don't think you are likely to offend anyone if you use tú, especially if it is clear to whom you are speaking with that Spanish is not your native language.
My habit is to say tú to everyone unless we've just met in a shop because they're working there or unless they're very very old, or someone knocking on the door to sell something, that sort of thing.. but that's just because how it worked in Czech. I remember Czech students complaining that the first time someone said "vy" (usted) to them was the first time they realized they were old.
It was much easier with Czech because it's only spoken one country and everyone seemed to have the same habits!
When the relationship is very close you can use "tu" because is very informal instead of "usted" that is more polite!!
