Please could you proofread my mistakes? Transitions,
The topic sentence is Smoking cigarettes are mortal to the health, and I am using transitions.
Smoking cigarettes are mortal to the health. Everything stars as a game or for curiosity despite everybody knows that smoking is dangerous. For instance, there are great percent of teenagers that begin to smoke in the school, of course that their parents don't know about that, but they do it as told you or by play or curiosity. On the other hand if the smoking people already have the addition, Cigarettes yet destroyed their lungs or their heart, and they do not know how to quiet of this problem. Actually there are many treatments to quiet this addition. In short, smoking is mortal to the health if you smoke, look for a treatment and with the help of God you can quit for that.
Thanks
4 Answers
Pescador gave great style to your work, so I'll will purely edit grammar.
Smoking cigarettes is mortal to the health (the subject is not cigarettes but smoking, a verb, so the subject is singular). Everything starts as a game or out of curiosity, despite everybody knowing that smoking is dangerous. For instance, there is (subject is percent, not teenagers) a great percent of teenagers that begin to smoke in the school. Their parents ,of course, don't know about the smoking, but the children do not care, because they are incredibly curious about what smoking is like. If people contiune to smoke", The cigarettes will destroy their lungs or their heart. They often do not know how to put an end to the problem. Actually, there are many treatments to stop this addiction. In short, smoking is mortal to the health, and if you smoke, seek treatment. With the help of God and treatments, you can quit smoking.
It's hard to say exactly what you mean... I hope this is close 
Smoking cigarettes is detrimental to one's health. Everything starts as a game, despite everybody knowing/ widespread knowledge that smoking is dangerous. For instance, a large percentage of teenage smokers start out at school, of course without parental knowledge or consent. They are usually coerced by peer pressure or driven by curiosity. On the other hand, there are smoking people who are already addicted. Cigarettes damage the heart and lungs as the smoker is unable to put a stop to the problem. Actually there are many treatments to stop this addiction. In short, smoking takes lives. If you smoke, seek medical attention, and with the help of God you can quit for good.
I would change it to something like this:
Everything starts as a game or out of curiosity despite the fact that everybody knows that smoking is dangerous. For instance, there is a large percentage of teenagers that begin to smoke in school. Of course their parents don't know about that, but they do it as told you or by play or out of curiosity. On the other hand there are people who already smoke that have lung or heart problems, and they do not know how to quit . Actually there are many treatments available to help alleviate this (deadly) addiction. In short, smoking is mortal to the health. If you smoke, look for a treatment and with the help of God you can quit for good.
I am not sure what you are trying to say here: "but they do it as told you or by play"
Smoking is bad for your **health. Everything starts as a game due to curiosity despite everybody knowing that smoking is dangerous. For instance, a great percentage of teenagers begin to smoke in school, of course their parents don't know about that, but they do it as they are told to by friends or out of curiosity. On the other hand if the smoker is already addicted the cigarettes are already destroying their lungs and heart, and they do not know how to quit. Actually there are many treatments to quit this addiction. In short, smoking is bad for your health if you smoke, look for treatment and with the help of God you can quit.
I have tried not to change too much, just what I felt needed to be changed to maintain the sense of what you are saying.
