Correct my English please.

Question

I have to tell the story of an ad, and I'd appreciate some help with my grammar, suggestions will be helpful, too. Thanks!

It was a silly advertisement. There was a man who was selling in a supermarket. He was in the counter when he saw a cockroach and he smashed it with a magazine. When he raised his head he saw a giant cockroach in front of him which was getting closer to get revenge, and then the ring tone of the salesman's mobile phone started to sound with a crazy and infectious melody and the giant bug started to dance with all the people of the shop. When the music stopped and the cockrouch started to get close again the man called to his friend saying: "Call me, Call me again!"

Answer 1

It was a silly advertisement; There once was a salesman in a supermarket. He was behind the counter when he saw a cockroach and he smashed it with a magazine. When he raised his head he saw a larger cockroach in front of him. It was getting closer to getting his revenge, and then the ring tone of the salesman's cellphone started to ring with a crazy and infectious melody and the giant bug started to dance with all of the people in the store. When the music stopped, the cockrouch started getting closer again and the man called his friend back and said: "Call me, Call me again!"

Several changes were needed, as bolded. reply for questions/details

I think the man smashing the bug, and the salesman, are two different people. - Tosh, May 23, 2011

hmmm... but it says the guy shopping & then it says "he" - sora62896, May 23, 2011

i mean selling not shopping that was my change - sora62896, May 23, 2011

No, no, salesman is what I wanted to say... Your answers helped me a lot... Thank you! - nelson_rafael, May 23, 2011

Answer 2

It was a silly advertisement: There was a man who was shopping in a supermarket. He was at the counter when he saw a cockroach and he smashed it with a magazine. When he raised his head he saw an even bigger cockroach in front of him which was getting closer to get his revenge. Then the ring tone of the salesman's mobile phone started to sound with a crazy and infectious melody! The giant bug started to dance with all of the people in the shop. When the music stopped, the cockroach started to get close again. The salesman called his friend back, and said, "Call me! Call me again!"

I made several punctuation changes, as well.

Thanks! - nelson_rafael, May 23, 2011

wouldn't it be 'its' revenge? - Kiwi-Girl, May 23, 2011

Can't a cockroach be a boy? ;) - Tosh, May 23, 2011

Answer 3

On second thought...Tosh did really great. lol.