Could sb look through it?

Question

I dare to ask you for marking this short extract from my story I've got to write for my English classes . I'm Polish and tend to use polish grammar structures while writing in English If sb had a minute to mark it, I would be delighted .

The subject is: write a story in which you describe a person who behaves in a strange way in the crowd.

(...) One short look at her and I kew what kind of women she was : big, dreamy eyes, grin from ear to ear, outmoded hairband on her head, funny-looking jacket and old-fashioned brooch pinned to it, flannel skirt that only my gradma would be sufficiently courageous to showa up in among so many people. When she started staring at the bus timetable I had a chance to have a better look at her without getting noticed. 'She is sad' - I thought. I also spotted she opened her mouth at least once in every minute as though she wanted to ask somebody a question. But then, to my great surprise, she burst out laughing, first trying to repress it but after a while she apparently gave up and began to laugh at the very top of her voice.

Answer 1

One short look at her and I kew what kind of women she was : big, dreamy eyes, grin from ear to ear, outmoded hairband on her head, funny-looking jacket and with an old-fashioned brooch pinned to it, flannel skirt that only my gradma would be sufficiently courageous to showa up in among so many people. When she started staring at the bus timetable I had a chance to have a better look at her without getting noticed. 'She is sad' - I thought. I also spotted that she opened her mouth at least once in every minute as though she wanted to ask somebody a question. But then, to my great surprise, she burst out laughing, first trying to repress it but after a while she apparently gave up and began to laugh at the very top of her voice.

I have made only three changes to your written work. I hope you can identify them. I think your paragraph is well written in includes all the qualities I like in that it is clear, concise, logical and easily understood. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Saludos/Regards,
Moe

Answer 2

Thanks a lot.!!!: )