Some advice for an exchange student in a tricky situation?
Sorry, I know this isn't exactly what the forum is meant for, but to be honest I'm not entirely sure where else to turn, and here I might be able to get some explanations on if this is typical in Spain or not.
As some of you already know, I'm in Spain on exchange at the moment. I posted a question a while back about homesickness and issues with learning the language, and for the most I've been feeling alright about those lately.
However, something else has now happened which is making life really difficult for me here. The whole time I've been here, I've had to see a particular group of boys every time I go out, who seem to find the fact that a) I'm foreign and b) I don't speak Spanish very well yet, very funny indeed. It's been really annoying, especially as now that I've been here 3 months, it hasn't gotten better, but in fact worse, but I could put up with it when it was only that group of boys.
But, when I went out the other night, that group of boys, as well as another, older group, took it upon themselves to spend the whole night harassing me trying to convince me to "hook up with" (which essentially means they wanted me to make out with the guy for the night) one of the guys who was at the botellón. Obviously, I wasn't going to do that simply because they wanted me to, so I didn't do anything like that, but I spoke to the boy who they wanted me to get with very briefly.
Now, when I go out, first I have to put up with that first group of boys watching every move I make, laughing whenever I speak, and coming up to me every 5 minutes trying to push one another into me. Then, when the second group arrives, I have to repeatedly tell them I'm not interested in their friend, and listen to them telling me "Well, he says you don't speak Spanish very well anyway", which of course makes me feel great. Only one of my friends here tells them to cut it out, and unfortunately she wasn't there last night when the second group were taunting me. My host sister was there however, and apparently this doesn't seem like an issue to her, because she didn't say anything, and seemed surprised when I eventually had enough and said I was leaving to go home on my own.
That's a lot of information, I know, and it's probably fairly obvious that I'm not very happy with this. So, my questions are as follows: 1) Is this normal in Spain? Because where I come from, there is a lot of respect for people who are trying to learn another language, and this absolutely wouldn't happen under any circumstances. I'm not implying anything about Spain, but maybe there just aren't as many foreigners here and thus it's especially funny for them? I don't know.
2) What should I do? Obviously it'd be ideal if I could just move to another family, but I've been here 3 months already, and the idea of going through the whole adaption progress again, and having to leave my current host family, who on the whole I like, doesn't appeal much to me.
I know that as an exchange student, I have the option of speaking with my local co-ordinator, and I plan to do that, but as I don't have a mobile here I can't ring her myself without asking to use my host mother's phone, and my host family get a bit weird every time I ask to call, as they seem to think I'm calling to complain about them or something. My local co-ordinator has said previously that she plans to call me some time this week, so I'll definitely tell her about this then, but I'd really like some advice in the meantime, and some suggestions for things I can do about this, as I will be expected to go out every night this week, and right now I just don't know what to do.
9 Answers
G'day. You are in a position which really is the same everywhere , it is the age
of the guys and their emotional development . The best way to counter this is to try
and realize that it is only a problem if you allow what they are saying to affect you .
They are boorish and ignorant , just find a different venue to enjoy your spare time
, this is not your scene , you do not have to try and fit in with them ,your
standards are not theirs so ignore them or move away. You are correct in saying
that a different language here is not a cause for making fun of , we are more tolerant
of other peoples languages , maybe they are embarrassed at your efforts which may
have made them feel inadequate , at any rate move away from these boys and
find young people closer to your own set of values. Best of luck.
And yes this is the forum for just this kind of problem , your problems are our problems.
Ok, I obviously dont know you as a person, or the situation you find yourself in. However, what I do know about is 17 year old boys!! (I used to be one lol)
You are a very pretty young girl, right. These boys are not really taking the mickey - they are actually trying to impress you. Strange behavour I know, but 17 year old boys are a different breed! It would be exactly the same in most countries I would have thought.
Interestingly, my daughter, who is 18 (nearly 19), is having difficulties with her peers at the moment, not exactly the same type as you (maybe because she has a boyfriend they all know about,) but I believe also age/confidence/maturity-related. We're also in a village (in England!)
Her friends are very immature in some ways, and at the moment they are on vacation from school/college. They are going overboard on alcohol and weed, I can't believe how much they do. It really makes them bores to be around, inconsiderate and very silly. :(
She has had hassle with a big older lad, really saying inappropriate things to her, so much so that she has come home early if he's around.
Okay, so all I've said really is that you're not the only one, and that it's not only in Spain that you'll find that sort of behaviour!
What to do? I like redqueen's reply suggesting you talk to the mum. It's a pity that you're having to put up with this.
I do think it's all just silliness, probably the young lads would really like to get to know you, but in their clumsy immature way it has the opposite to the desired effect.
I wish you the best of luck, dear, I hope soon you'll be able to come back to us saying it's all sorted out.
Adolescence is a very hard time, and I think it goes on for a lot longer than people expect.
Un abrazo. :D
Okay, I am going to be blunt and honest, because I believe that if you are posting this here, you need some advice. I will post this in parts so that you will get some advice before logging off, hopefully, and it may take me a bit to formulate every thought and type it for you.
First of all, stop going out. From what I know of the botellón, it is a place for underage Spaniards to drink....and the drinking age is 17 or 18 I believe, probably 18. I could be wrong about this, but I took Spanish history last semester and my profe was from Spain, and very serious about her teaching its history and current day culture.
I think often what happens is that when strange men treat us like this it makes us so nervous and tense and frightened that often we actually smile because we don't know what to do. And they're stupid enough to think that's a form of encouragement. You need to put on your biggest, uggliest, face, and tell them very loudly and vulgarly F*CK OFF. (It's internationally understood)
Shout at them and embarrass them. Let yourself get angry. You'll end up seeming like the one in the wrong, but they'll leave you alone!
Okay, now some questions. How old are you? I am guessing high school. This leads to my next question, why are you "expected" to go out every night?
I don't mean this to sound rude, as I have been a young woman, once-upon-a-time.....
but I know what it is like to enjoy the attention, and although you can feel that it is not the correct attention, you probably are holding onto that attention due to the fact that you are somewhat alone in a foreign culture at an age where romance and love are new and intriguing.
I have been to many countries, some where neither Spanish nor English were spoken, and I have never been laughed at for trying to speak the local language, nor for not knowing how.
Ray is correct in saying that it is their age. But regardless of their age, or country of origin, they are guys and they are showing off for each other and you.
Oh, and, maybe I will stop after this one, but take this opportunity to realize something important about life.....
People are people no matter where you go, no matter the difference in language or culture or religion.
We all have the same potential to be great or horrible humans. No matter where we are in life.
We are all living in this world and trying to make some sense of it. Try not to be angry or confrontational.
Simply pretend that they are in your country, somewhat uncomfortable in their new surroundings, and make them feel at home. You know, the golden rule 
I could be off on this one...but here goes.
I am shy as well, so I know this could be hard, but think about it.
We are all insecure at times. My daughter is 7, and it is funny to watch the "flirting" that goes on in her class. It reminds me that we are all 7, trying to figure each other and ourselves out and how we all relate.
You are new to them. We are afraid and intrigued by what we don't understand.....instead of "sticking up" for yourself, maybe approach them with a smile on your face and engage them in direct conversation.
Ask them a question about something you are truly interested in knowing.
Comment on whatever it is that is popular in that particular area of Spain hoy en di'a.
I really think they will be shocked into behaving better towards their guest. Or too afraid of your obvious power to continue in their childish ways.
If I learned one thing from Profesora Steen, 85, from Spain, it is that Spaniards usually have no problem with being blunt, and in my experience, to the point it seems rude, although it usually isn't. I don't mean to stereotype, but alas, it does sometimes help us.
My point being:
Speak up. I don't think you would have posted this question if you didn't have the feeling that something wasn't right....and you should A L W A Y S listen to your feelings.
I have been in a very bad situation in southern Mexico, very bad. I was young and not paying attention to myself. I got caught up in a moment....
I admire that you are in another country learning, obviously you are an intelligent young lady. I understand the need to fit into the culture, part of why you are there, and that part of that is being with people your age doing what they do. Part of that is the botellón, however, no matter how innocent it may seem, kids with hormones, sorry, young adults , mixed with drinking, can lead to trouble. Honestly, no matter the age it can lead to trouble.
Speak up to your host family.....tell them you enjoy the experiences, but that you aren't sure how to deal with a certain situation. Part of their job as a host family, is to assure that you are comfortable, safe and learning about all aspects.
