Why are some Spanish-speaking natives reticent to share their language?
So, I just had to ask!
I know this great bilingual guy who has oodles of friends and has a great wit. He grew up in America speaking English and Spanish. He is popular and has no reason to be ashamed, yet will not speak Spanish around his English-speaking friends. (We are talking about the adult world here, not high school.) When I try to ask him a few questions about Spanish or the general culture of his heritage, he changes the subject. Otherwise, when I talk to him about other subjects, he's engaging and quite normal. I never push him to speak Spanish and have stopped asking him grammar questions because he obviously does not like to broach the subject. This isn't the only time I have come across this, here in America.
Why is this extremely talented, diverse individual ignoring one whole part of him, even when he has kind, interested people around him who think that his bilingual talents are only an advantage? I will spend the rest of my life trying to achieve what this guy has been so blessed with. Why do you think he finds it necessary to keep the Spanish-speaking part of himself locked away? Do you know people like this? Does this stretch to other parts of the world besides America? If you are bilingual, do you find yourself reacting this way too? Why?
(P.S. Please keep in mind that this thread could have the possibility of bringing up some heated subjects. Please remember in the comments you make that this thread is not intended to bring up heated or insulting diversity/immigration debates but rather this thread is intended to foment an adult, and polite, discussion with all points of view welcome. Please do not insult or defame one another in the process!)
25 Answers
The only way to figure out why this guy acts this way is to ask him directly.
I had some of this issue with my native Spanish-speaking husband. I think that the reasons were complex. They included:
Shame about the language from being bullied as a young immigrant child (if you call being chased and punched in the face while being called a "spic" bullying? My husband said that he was totally confused by this behavior. He said that he spit blood and asked, "what's a spic?")
Impatience with language learning in classroom setting. Lots of immigrants have learned English by "immersion," which is a polite way of saying the "sink or swim method." It is a brutal way for anyone to learn and there is some trauma associated with it. They were often ridiculed -- at a tender age. They don't know how to be gently supportive of your learning because no one was gently supportive of them.
Beginner Spanish being spoken by a native-English speaking individual is often considered painful for a native-Spanish speaking individual to hear. Do you know how hearing a French person speak English with an accent sounds beautiful? That's because their language is Latin-based and softer than ours. English is a harder-sounding language than Spanish. It is not beautiful for them to hear us crucify their words. I have heard native Spanish speaking people say of new English speaking learners of Spanish, "Listening to them made my ears bleed."
Many native Spanish speaking individuals in the U.S. have never learned Spanish grammar and vocabulary in a classroom setting. They may have learned to speak Spanish, but not to read or write it. They may have learned from their parents, who speak, but are illiterate in their native Spanish. You can imagine it would be an extreme embarrassment to have a student correct you in your native tongue.
You might not be aware of this, but many Spanish speakers have some sort of inferiority complex when it comes to other languages like English, because they are likely to think that Spanish is comparatively an inferior language, or it is only used by uneducated people or classes, or similar subjective arguments. Consider also the stigma associated with Latin American speakers' culture, and it is not surprising that many people try to use English and avoid Spanish to fit in and avoid being discriminated by certain people.
I am not blaming anyone. Simply stating what I see as facts, whether I am right or not, but I suggest you test those guys who "refuse to share their language" in a country where the dominant language is Spanish, and I bet you'll see the difference.
I believe that often it is a personal choice (in America at least). I have met people of many different language groups and there is no way to tell whether or not they will welcome you talking to them in their language until you try.
I believe with the Spanish, many American English speaking people stereotype them in different ways so they are more reticent to share not only their language but their culture with English speaking Americans because they fear a stereotypical response. In general I believe that is one reason, but again it is also a personal choice whether or not they will be willing to talk about not only their language, but their culture.
Friends of mine who know Spanish because they learned at their mothers, or grandmother's knee can be very reluctant to engage in a full conversation with somebody who is learning or practicing the language. Not all, but many. They do not know the grammer of their language. If your were to ask for example, Did I use the subjunctive correctly? You could get a blank stare. The person may use the subjunctive perfectly but has no idea to what you are referring. I was reading US novels in Spanish one summer, and I brought the finished ones to work. When I offered them to a friend of mine he said thanks, but you know, I speak Spanish at home and with the relatives, and with friends on the street, but I was never taught to read in Spanish. Like many he went to school in the US.
I am not saying this is totally the reason, but I have seen other examples of some un- merited inferiority complex when confronted with somebody who is "studying," Spanish.
I can relate to the guy. I am a native English speaker living in a Spanish speaking country and spend a lot of my time learning Spanish. I am constantly approached by people who want me to teach them English, and I always refuse. If they want to practice their English on me, or have a few questions, that is fine. However, I do not have the time to make a multi-year commitment to dozens of people, nor the skills necessary to be a good language teacher--knowing how to speak a language and knowing how to teach someone else how to speak it are two completely different things. It has nothing to do with not wanting to appear to be an English speaker, or that I think English is somehow inferior (or superior) to Spanish. I have the wrong height, build, features, and complexion to ever look like a native here, not to mention I'll never lose my American accent, so that is not an issue either.
Never had that negative experience in México. In many cases they want to practice their english with me and I am happy to do so. I have one student weekly now. and of course its free because he is a friend. He has to bring the beer.
Well, I started with pronunciation. I am not yet fluent but I know enough to order food 
. I have noticed that some people have no problem speaking Spanish to me and I am sometimes complimented for my Spanish. I let let them know, todavía, estoy aprendiendo. They tell me I'm doing good. 
.
Other times I have sensed the vibe that they don't like my speaking in Spanish (as it seems). And speak only English to me. I have not experienced this too much.
The thing that I have observed most. When Spanish speakers speak with me in English, it is because they want to practice their English. I engage in conversation with some friends in a restaurant near my work and that is exactly what one of mis amigas expressed to me. However, I was able to persuade her that she gets to hear English all day, while my chances of engaging in Spanish is limited. She understood what I was saying and she still shares her Spanish with me. Even if it is a brief moment at the register. It helps to hear people speaking to you in Spanish.
So, to sum up. I think it is mostly because they are still learning English and they want the practice.
I have since rented a room with a Spanish speaker. Él es da la ciudad de México. He shares his Spanish with me and sometimes asks me how to say something in English. People are all different. Some are prejudist and some are not. Who can really speak for a people as a whole?
HI! I have definitely met people like him, and trust me, it perplexes me as much as it does to you. I think it may be fear of being isolated/alienated (a lot of second generation latino/as living in the USA are taught by their immigrant parents not to use their mother tongue while in the USA in order to avoid being ostracized). I don't like it, but I don't begrudge them since it's a very complex issue with far-reaching psychological and sociological roots and ramifications. In any case, I am a proud Puerto Rican man who loves learning, teaching and sharing my first language, my culture, and my knowledge with whomever wants to be a part of it.
he obviously does not like to broach the subject.
If you are asking him questions then he is not broaching the subject, you are. "He does not like to address/deal with/discuss the subject." "To broach" means to initiate the subject.(which you do by asking a question).
I see this phenomenon all the time in my workplace and in my family, and I have come to the conclusion that it varies from person to person. My brother in-law is a translator from Peru and is always reluctant to speak Spanish with me or help me when I have questions. His brother however, loves to answer questions. At work I have began to realize that many native bilingual speakers feel patronized when people talk to them in Spanish. Since most of my bilingual co-workers know I am a serious Spanish student, and I can say more than ¿Cómo estás? or cerveza, they feel comfortable speaking to me in Spanish and I have few problems. Many bilingual people don't like to speak to people in their native tongue simply because it limits the conversation, and they have no need to use their native language.
Good question, interesting answers. Being the gregarious curious type, I often have the impulse to ask where someone is from. It sometimes (rarely) doesn't work out . . . but often does, and leads to an interesting conversation (mi respuesta es a menudo una sonrisa ancha). I have noticed the reticence, or reluctance to acknowledge a mother tongue, but mostly in the USA. Mostly it saddens me, because I value the nuances and uniqueness of any language.
I spent a number of years learning Chinese, and living in a Chinese-speaking part of the world -- and notice the reluctance particularly on the part of second-generation young people, who may be sensitive to the fact that their parents do not speak the "dominant" language. Let's face it, Americans as a whole (forgive the generalization) are not the most sensitive folks in the world on this subject. We all know a number of people who think, if you live here, you better speak American.
I get the feeling as if you all are getting the idea that I am indignant when in fact the opposite is true. I never used the words "refuse to share". I do not feel entitled to benefit from a bilingual person's knowledge. -
I don't think this was intentional , rena
In fact, I agree, in English speaking countries the thing is "to fit in", so if your English is perfect and nobody notices you are not a native, so much the better, that is what many think.
I don't know enough about your culture....do people actually think that? I mean, you think somebody is a native English speaker and suddenly he turns out to be Hispanic, I guess this could happen to our good friend Gekko would some people actually change their behaviour towards the guy? Would they feel , hey, he is not one of us?
I mean, I guess there must be a reason for this "I don't want to speak Spanish so that everybody can think I am a native English speaker".
I think that both Lazarus and Julian Chivis were very close to the mark when they talked about stigma and wanting to fit in to the culture in that country.
Yes, I am sure that Hispanic people can feel afraid of being stigmatised and becoming the subject of verbal and maybe other forms of abuse, from prejudiced people in the new neighbourhoods into which they settle in the U.S.A and other countries so that could explain why they prefer to become like one of the other people and deny their cultural background when questioned.
I have heard cases of children and young people being bullied/teased badly because of their hispanic background. Infact there was a young boy who asked for help on the SpanishDict forum a few months ago because he was being bullied on account of his accent. I think he was from Costa or Puerto Rico. People here were very understanding and tried to help him.
Sometimes prejudice can be directed towards whole communities with taunts from prejudiced people telling them to go back to their own country Is it any wonder that people choose to mix in with the local people as inconspicuously as possible?
This phenomena is not confined to any one race or language group , it is all
about blending in, being a part of the group , it is no different than wearing
the clothes which are in style , or having a Tattoo or ear rings . Humans
need to belong to the tribe , and anything which puts them on the outside
of the "norm" will be avoided .
A friend of mine married a very nice Panamanian woman a few years back. She has learned and speaks good enough English to make it here in the New Hampshire which she now calls home after 9 years of living here. Whenever I get the chance to talk with her she refuses to speak in Spanish even though she knows I am trying to learn. She never gives an explanation but her husband tells me she wants so much to learn English that she has simply turned the Spanish off and won't even teach him. Very strange!!!!
