Can you take criticism? Can you deal with not getting a pat on the back?
I had this talk with Cogumela the other day
I have found that a lot of people can't take criticism.
Everybody wants or needs a pat on the back, even if one knows they can do better.
I admit I am a strict teacher, I do not believe in patting people's backs. Some people get disappointed and discouraged, or even feel belittled . That is not anybody's intention, one should in life be able to take praise as well as a slap on the hand
I sometimes tell people: hey, this exercise is outright bad, you can do much better than that!(never newbies, only people I know can do better!!)
Those who can take it, learn something, as next time they will do better for sure. Those who can't lose an opportunity to learn something by improving.
Can you take criticism?
52 Answers
I would not be willing to make a blanket statements on the matter because, quite frankly, it would be extremely short-sighted and presumptuous of me to assume that everyone responds exactly the same way.
Now I don't happen to be a masochist or anything, but I tend not to get discouraged when negative criticism is leveled at me, especially if the criticism is aimed in the direction of some endeavor that is important to me at the time. Quite the contrary, I have sometimes found negative criticism to be a motivating factor, especially if the criticism is given by someone who I find to be of a higher skill level than myself, and whose skill level I hope to one day equal or surpass. In such situations, I have often found success to be the greatest vindicator, and I have found it generally much more productive to have a "Just wait! I'll show them who stinks" type of attitude than a "Why is everybody always picking on me" attitude.
In short, yes. I can deal with not getting a pat on the shoulder. In fact, I am sometimes suspicious of a person's intentions if they happen to be a bit too generous with the praise. I often find myself thinking, "Oh, that person is just being nice." Typically I tend to be my own harshest critic and am rarely completely satisfied with any endeavor (that's not to say that I can't enjoy a job well done. I just often tend to notice little details that perhaps could have been done a little better or an area where perhaps I could have shown more improvement). I think that this attitude might come from my own particular upbringing. My mother and my grandmother were always the types to be very generous with the praise and extremely sparing of any language that might have been considered overtly critical. On the other hand, my father would give praise only sparingly, and generally only after I had put in an honest effort. If I ever quit or glossed over something on account of some difficult detail or if finished early without putting a decent amount of effort into my work, I could generally expect to be met with a look (and possibly a word or two) of disapproval. Looking back, I can see that not all of this criticism was what might be considered "constructive," yet it did push me to always try to work harder, to always strive to do a job right, and to learn to rely on myself and my own abilities to accomplish an objective.
Truthfully, I can see both benefits and detriments to this way of thinking. I also recognize that not everyone is wired the same way that I am. We all have different upbringings and outlooks on life. We all have different levels of self-expectations. Moreover, we all respond differently to criticism. In my own opinion, I think that the best type of criticism is the type which points out the flaw, explains it and at least gives a hint as to how to go about correcting it. However, I also am not afraid of purely negative criticism and feel that praise is most effective when used sparingly yet should be applied generously when it is well deserved—then again, maybe that's just the way that I am wired.
No way at all I am going to agree with this. People often think that a little effort is good enough, well , not for me.
I expect a lot from people. I know when people can do better and I always expect them to be able to take a slap ....
That is, Heidi -and don't take it as a pat on your shoulder- because you're an excellent teacher. Furthermore, you have a long run here in the forum, which gives you a lot of experience. No doubt, a solid concrete consists of 'una de cal y otra de arena' 
I think you know how to do this very well.
I do appreciate a lot criticism, I appreciate it because I really want and need to learn. For me, strict people like you are essential around here.
But I've also realised that not everyone learns in the same way and overall: not everyone has the same desire to learn here. Some people are comfortable with their knowledge and don't like that their schemes get broken.
I have received several requests from people who asked me to be more acquiescent doing corrections, for example: Hey, don't be so picky and correct me only if I'm totally wrong. Please, don't correct my tildes, I just want to learn to speak Spanish, thanks. Hey, this is what my textbook says, and I know for a fact that many natives don't follow the rules, please respect my own way of learning, and even, Learn Spanish and English before offering corrections, and so on... I just take that in stride and try to act accordingly.
On the other hand, I know that most of people really appreciate corrections, words of encouragement and criticism as well, if needed! I just love their attempts, their efforts and their daily participations that not only keep this forum alive, but also allow me to learn from them. I immensely respect each individual effort and I'm very happy when I see people doing well. (If not, keep up the good work and the next time will be better, for sure!) I think this is the reward we should all strive for, not the pat on our shoulder.
I think that criticism in the sense of "This is wrong, here's how it should be" is fine. But "This is bad" is an awful thing to say to someone who has worked really really hard on something. Learning a language is really hard, and it's harder for some than for others. As long as I know someone is making an effort they'll get praise for that.
It should be fun, it should be an enjoyable experience, you should feel a sense of acheivement when you do your best and you produce something remotely comprehensible, or something you couldn't have done last year.
The number of people who give up before they reach B2 (which is a very nice place to be, where you can understand most of a film or newspaper and talk on any subject with your friends without too much difficulty.) is huge. And it's always because of lack of motivation, not because of lack of skill or ability. So the last thing I would ever do is emphasize skill over motivation!
You tell someone when they're making a mistake, or when they're not trying hard enough, but if they have one sentence correct or used one new or difficult word in the correct way then you give them a big tick!
I do not accept criticism well and I do appreciate a “pat on the back”. These attributes developed from being raised in an environment of being constantly criticized and berated. We are all products of our environment. My constant challenge is to maintain an objective disposition in a world that is growing ever more abrasive. I process criticism to determine the value and intent of the critique. If I feel someone is making an positive attempt with the criticism, I am grateful. If I feel there is a “bite” of personal criticism, I meter my response according to the importance of the relationship.
I was never a good student until I entered the military. The disciplined study environment trained me to be objective and to handle my personal responses in an acceptable fashion. Even with this, I still revert to immature behavior at times.
I believe the exceptional teacher has the capacity to speak to the needs of the student. This is nearly impossible in an automated environment, since no moderator, teacher, or administrator can be fully aware of the circumstances on the other side of the computer. It is impossible to learn without criticism. The automated environment provides me with useful critiques with a limited overhead of personal involvement. Even then, I have to constantly remind myself that I am conversing with people I will likely never meet.
With Heidi you don't get criticism, you get the firing squad!
As Cogumela says, una de cal y una de arena is right.
Empty praise is as harmful as excessive criticism. Yes, people should be told when what they have done is not up to standards, when there is room for improvement. However, I have come to learn - the hard way- the importance of praise given in the right moment, for the right reasons.
When someone knows that they're doing well, and have reason to be proud of their work and their achievements, they will be motivated to continue doing well.
When all they receive is criticism, they will come to believe that they can't do anything right, and will simply give up trying.
Many years ago I saw a movie, I can't even remember what movie it was, where a coach was assessing the skills of someone trying out for his team. After watching the person row, he was trying out for crew, the coach's first words were, "I saw you do some things I really liked." He then went on to make some corrections. I can tell you I was amazed by this little scene. Similar to Dogwood's comments, I was raised in a family where criticism was constant and praise rare. My dad has been dead for 20 years and to this day I often can hear his voice in my head telling me what I'm doing wrong.
I have a huge appreciation for Cogumela's willingness to read user's efforts and make corrections. The fact that she most often ends with a word of encouragement makes all the difference to me. Her post including some of the negative things user's say to her just shows she has the confidence to keep helping people in a positive way even if some people don't like what they hear.
Heidi, you have your own way of doing things. You tend to be abrupt with your corrections and reactive to feedback you receive. Not so much with your English as with other things. This thread being a prime example. You asked for user's opinions but respond defensively when you don't like what someone has written. You say you know when people can do better, but there are many things you don't know. You don't know if their dog just died, they have a cold, or there is some other reason they didn't do as well as they might have. Maybe they were concentrating so hard on getting one part right they missed something simple. What if you started with the assumption that everyone is doing they best they can that day?
There's a big difference between "praise" and "encouragement". There are different teaching methods and you obviously have yours. You sound pretty harsh, in my view. It's funny hearing a teacher talk about giving someone a "slap", oh yes, that should bring Johnny around.
Some people get disappointed and discouraged, or even feel belittled . That is not anybody's intention, one should in life be able to take a praise as well as a slap on the
Discouragement, disappointment or feeling belittled may not be an intention, but it is a result, it happens, and is the causal effect of being "harsh" with people. I'm going to assume you're talking about adults here, because if you're talking about children, there is no way one could believe that a child "should be able to take a praise as well as a slap"
However, I do believe that people have to be "pushed" to do their best at anything.
Now, can you take criticism? 
Unlike what most others have posted, I do not respond well to you're fat, you're ugly, you're stupid, or other negative comments. In no way does it encourage me. I had an "encourager" from Spain tell me that my Spanish would make a Spanish natives ears bleed and that less than 1% of Spanish speaking natives would be able to understand me. That's while I'm in the middle of 200 Hispanics and they all can understand me and I haven't seen the ear bleeding yet. I have a tutor that corrects me as needed and constantly encourages me, it's working well.
A guy that used to play guitar in our band (who is now deceased) was very charismatic, a fun guy to be around, all that kind of stuff, not to mention that he was a great musician and songwriter. After his death, I was kind of 'forced' into doing what Richard used to do. I play keyboards, he played guitar, he jumped up and down and moved around a lot (I can't do that with keyboards), I have a different personality than him, and I like different music stylings. Here's the point: a guy comes up to me one day, after I've poured my heart and soul into the music for the last couple of hours, he tells me "you're no Richard. I mean, you're ok, but you're no Richard". Well, I already knew that, I will never be 'Richard', but I'm not encouraged to play 'better' keyboards because of this guys comments. The reality was, it cut pretty deep and hurt my feelings. So, when I've put my best effort into something, it's alright to 'pat me on the back'. I'll keep going with encouragement, but the other 'method' saps the life out of me. That's just me.
I can. There's no pride in defending a wrong answer against someone who knows better. I think people should be mature enough & learn how to separate themselves from the criticisms they receive. I don't see them directed at ME, but rather at the mistake that I've done. I, myself, am thankful when someone takes time to correct my mistakes, because the truth is, they could just let it go and leave me believing that I am saying it right, only to be corrected by someone else later. Being stubborn is sometimes (or a lot of times) a bad thing.
I think that there is a mid-way point between giving too much undeserved praise and ruling with an iron fist.
The person who praises everything is not being helpful (How can I learn from my mistakes if everything I do is great?).
The person who only criticizes is very discouraging (Why would I bother to try anymore if everything I do is wrong?)
I like what Dogwood said:
I believe the exceptional teacher has the capacity to speak to the needs of the student.
As for Heidi's corrections: We know she's strict and it's her proven method of getting people to learn. One thing I noticed, which is very important, is that she will always provide corrections equally across the board; she doesn't discriminate or favor any students.
As Samdie and DJ said, "constructive" criticism is the only proper way to go. Constructive criticism, will always build, strengthen and guide a person. It is never intended to tear down. A skilled teacher/boss/parent will have the wisdom to know when and how to use this. Even a small child understands when someone is correcting a mistake out of frustration and anger vs. love and hope for better work to be done in the future.
That being said, I think we are now living in a society (this is very big in the U.S.) where "everybody is a winner". I understand the philosophy behind it, but think it is going to be the downfall of society in the future. I am sickened whenever I see or hear of sports leagues or other children's competitions which do not allow for a clear winner or loser. When children participate in sports or other activities, they have to realize that only one individual or team has the qualifications to come in "first place". If everyone receives a trophy or if teams play "just for fun" with no winners or losers, all in the name of self esteem, I believe we are setting kids up with a false sense of their true accomplishments. We have also robbed them of the opportunity to strive to improve their skills in order to legitimately be the winner. Also, in this process, we will prevent kids from seeing that perhaps they aren't truly skilled in a certain area, keeping them from discovering their true gifts
I'm not sure if that was off topic, but the whole conversation made me think of this. Sometimes I think that we have become so afraid of using even constructive criticism that we are in danger of raising a generation of self absorbed adults who don't know how to function in the real world.
For me, the most skillful teachers don't have one style that they force their students to either accept or to suffer from. Great teachers have styles because they realize that there are multiple ways to learn, and multiple types of learners.
Outstanding teachers are marked in many ways, but one of them surfaces their abilities to understand first, and then teach in accordance with that understanding of the individuality of the student. I call this wisdom, and its essence is interactional.. not dictatorial.
I have not been in this forum long enough to assess who does what, and so this is not a direct reply to Heidita or anyone in particular (although each time Heidi has made comments to my posts, it has been straightforward and valuable).
These are a few of my thoughts generally on the profession of being a teacher.
Here, I intentionally highlight "being before doing" as a critical feature of great teaching.
Once on a flight to Japan, when the stewardess (this was before they were called cabin attendants) asked (in English, if memory serves) me if I wanted something to drink. I replied "mizu wari, kudasai" ("A scotch and water, please"). On the strength of those three words, she spent several minutes saying how wonderful my Japanese was. This was, of course, utter nonsense. It's not that my Japanese was awful but, rather, that she could not possibly asses my skills based on a three-word utterance. Her reaction (praise) is quite common for Japanese and makes learning the language more difficult. It's actually quite hard to find an exigent teacher/speaker and it can be quite discouraging to find out that some phrase that one has been using for years is, actually, incorrect.
If I took a class (for which I had to pay) and were not frequently corrected, I would feel cheated. I would think it a waste of time/money to be in a class where the teacher didn't correct me. Why should I spend good money, simply for the opportunity to practice/reinforce my mistakes and bad habits? With the kind of teacher that I prefer, if I felt the need for praise (which I don't) , I could infer it from the sentences/phrases that were not corrected. However, I can only do that if I can be confident that the teacher will not "go easy" on me in order to "spare" my feelings.
With real beginners one cannot, of course, point out all the mistakes because the person would be overwhelmed. This is the advantage of a good but demanding teacher. One starts off correcting the most egregious errors (leaving the "lesser"/"hard to understand" ones for later sessions (when the student has gotten a grip on the basics. However, as the student progresses, the bar should be raised frequently.
For those that feel that criticism is belittling/insulting (and it sometimes seems that people insist on interpreting "No, no! You can't use estar that way [or in that sentence]." as being equivalent to meaning "You are a complete moron and will never learn to speak Spanish!"). Anyone who is that sensitive seems to me to be looking for insults. If you really want to feel insulted you're probably missing out on many opportunities. After all, when told "Great job!", you can interpret that to mean "Considering what an idiot your are, your sentence/performance was much better than anyone could have expected." That way, one can feel constantly insulted and wallow in self pity, no matter what anyone says of your Spanish.
Let us start with the premise that No One likes to be negatively criticized (with the exception of the occasional masochist). My belief is that one should never ever criticize the person himself, only the mistakes. And positive criticism is definitely necessary to the learning process.
However, negative and harsh criticism is counter productive. I happen to believe in combining a negative critique with some positive comments, also.
Tests or Exams (gleaned from my mother, who was a teacher, and my own experiences as a teacher and parent) If there were some things done correctly, they should be praised. If everything, or the majority of responses were wrong, then there is a more deep-rooted problem. Something is lacking with the person's ability to comprehend. To be judgmental toward the person is a terrible mistake. One does not know if there are family problems at home, if they suffer from low self esteem, or heaven knows what ever else may be happening in their lives.
Here on the site, a significant majority take the criticism well, because it is well-intentioned. Because of this, the site is a great boon to us. As was said by rabbit, motivation is a large factor in learning. As Gekko said, it can be fragile, and killed off by despair of ever learning the language. Someone wrote in to SpanishDict last night who despaired because he could not understand the imperfect subjunctive and was going to give it all up. How would you have advised him?
Can I take criticism? It’s been pointed out that there is a difference between correction and criticism. I agree. Corrections with the right motivation are much easier for me to handle. But corrections with the unknown motivation behind it or outright public humiliation is probably something I don’t deal with very well. Inside it hurts. For me I can give power to that person whose words are hurtful or I can take control and do my best not to be stumbled, try and figure out which words are to be internalized and which words are best to slide of my back and keep on going.
