I wanted to call the waitress sweetheart in a non-affectionate way
So we went to dinner, at a small hole in the wall dive that I like. The food is mediocre but the atmosphere is tops. Our waitress was friendly, and being that we are in Texas, we call people we don't know well sweetheart and honey and darling.
How you doing tonight sweetheart? Very common. So I wanted to call her sweetheart so I used mija. My mom was with me so we thought about how you would say sweetheart in a non affectionate way and both thought mija was best, better than querida and cariño. What do you guys think? Gracias.
17 Answers
Oh no, you call a waitress "chica" wow, I think she would feel anything but happy.
Here we would know her name and call her by her name.
Also:
Hola guapa!
that is said all the time...only if you know her well enough, which is the case here.
Interesting replies.
I don't think there is a single, simple answer to this one. I find that Julian and Usarenzo's answers are too conservative, I don't wholly agree with Dakie's argument, and I don't think Gary's option really solves the problem. But each one is probably thinking in terms of contexts that are familiar to them.
I feel an affinity for this question, because I've paid some attention to the waitress-customer interaction in the various countries where I've been (both English and Spanish speaking), and I find the variations fascinating. For one thing, general local culture makes a big difference, obviously. But then, the kind of establishment is also a very important element. Finally, there's also the factor of whether you're a casual customer or a regular.
I love to explore and get a feel for the "real" local scene wherever I go,so I tend to avoid the more formal settings,or the usual tourist traps. Therefore, most everywhere I have been, I have had the opportunity to be addressed as "honey", "cariño" or some such. In some contexts, that may come across as cheeky, but most of the time I really like it. When a waitress addresses me like that, I feel it is ok to reply in kind.
In a place like Venezuela, where interpersonal relationships tend to be very informal and relaxed, it probably wouldn't offend anyone if either party uses "tú", and expressions like "corazón" or "cariño". Exceptions would be fine dining restaurants, but even then, an older guy may be allowed to call a waitress "cariño", if he says it in a kindly way.
In Colombia things are a bit trickier, because Colombians tend to switch between a very formal way of address and informality at the blink of an eye, and I don't really understand the key for that switch.
Puerto Rico and Mexico also offer both options, and you must use experience and gauge the environment in order to know which form of address to use.
So, if you want to be safe, by all means stick to "usted" and "señorita". It may sound weird in some contexts, but it will never offend.
If you want to be true to your feelings, watch and open your ears, and get a feel for how things work in the place where you are. Then go for it without hesitation, with flair and naturalness, and most likely you'll be ok.
...most likely.
This is more of a cultural thing than a simple translation of expressions. In Mexican culture, unless you know the waitress fairly well, it´s not proper to call her anything else but Señorita.
Jeezzle, addressing a lady you don't know as mija can be very condescending. Mija is short for mi hija (my daughter) and usually used between family members or from older people to younger people who know each other or whom the older wants to give advice to. Stick to señorita.
At the risk of being yet another 'not-so-helpful' response... I love going to shops in Norwich (in Norfolk, England) because most of the female assistants call everyone 'ma dahlin' (my darling). It's so cute and friendly.
Anyway Jeezzle, possibly to put a cat among the pigeons (or among the chicas...)
How goes feminism around there? Some females of the species object to any endearment coming from someone they feel doesn't have the right to use it.....
"How dare you?"
If I were to go there all the time Jeezle and she waited on me even as one of many customers I would only ask her, her name and ask her if she minded me using her personal name I have done that for male waiters who I got to know well as friends who served food; eg drinks and ice-creams in the public square. They were working at the hotel in which was staying.
Using anything else which could be construed as a term of endearment by others including the waitress could at the very least cause her embarrassment or be seen by others as a form of favoritism. Even if she were comfortable with it other customers or her boss might not see it in the same light.
Saying that, I have used such expressions when I work with children but only in my own culture where I speak the language fluently and am only too aware how some people can get easily offended. You have to be so much more careful when using familiar expression across cultures and really follow their ways/practices to avoid causing offence.
Well, I am only expressing my view you are free to disagree as always 
Well, actually "mija" has nothing to do with the meaning of "sweetheart" but it's the only thing that comes to my mind of how to address to someone in that situation, because saying corazón, linda or other words like that would be only acceptable coming from a woman, not from a man, so I think "mija" is correct.
I still find this formal/informal thing very confusing. There are men who call me "mi pana" and women who expect me to kiss them on the cheek every time we meet who still use usted.
So, if it is so difficult to determine if you can call the waitress mija or not, why not call her simply Señorita, and avoid all kind of misunderstandings? Maybe if you become a regular client, with the time you could call her bonita, amiga, niña, preciosa or some other nicknames she wills to accept.
Personally, mija seems to me a kind of derogative term, and even "machista".
I'm not sure that advice given based on living and life experience in places and social scenes distinct to that to which Jeezzle refers is helpful, or indeed relevant.
We all know that norms vary widely between social and geographical groups. Were I to suggest that you call her amor, mi amor, mi amante, you might rightly suggest that I be mental, yet go to the west of England and you may well be told 'thank you my lover' by a middle aged woman from whom you've just purchased a pasty. And, in parts of the Midlands you will be called 'mi duck'.
My advice, as per that of the green one, is to enquire as to the cultural norms there, or just listen, then decide if you want to use those terms, maybe you won't feel comfortable with some Texan Spanish terms, maybe is sits nicely with Texan English.
Failing all else, try 'mi pato amante' and let me know how you get on
Gekkosan is spot on when he acknowldges the complexity of the question. It is heavily culturally laden.I have no answer but more questions arise for me. Jeezle and DJ do describe the reality of the common usage of words in the Southern US that might be considered more serious terms of endearment just across the Ohio river for example. I wonder if in Texas that would have crossed racial/cultural lines. Would a Spanish speaking person hear this and tolerate this as an odd but acceptable custom?Do they have their own version of this as Jeezle is asking? Or would it just be insulting?
Good question Jeez.
I was thinking you could say something like, ha sido bien dulce, you've been sweet. Or more enthusiastically, ha sido absolutamente dulce, you've been absolutely sweet.
Here's my opinion of the uses of the words sweetheart, honey, or darling loosely. I live here in Texas i've heard it in some parts. It's more acceptable in suburban and rural areas, in the city (unless she likes you) it could get you slapped jaja. Sweetheart is the most commonly tossed around word, which is also very popular amongst the "ghetto peeps" in New Orleans (ex: instead of "hey shawty" they use "hey sweetheart"). I have family in both places so I'm in between alot and observe the differences.
Anyways, the deal is, the word is still the same word, you don't really change it or it's meaning, it's the social atmosphere in which it's used that determines it's meaning and acceptance. I may call my girlfriend or spouse sweetheart (honey sounds old and darling sounds country) and to her it's affectionate and she understands I love her and care. However, I may be trying to act nice, pay a compliment, or just plain flirtatious with a girl (in this case the waitress) and she would recieve it (if not offensive/irretating) as something nice and probably thank me.
My point is, I think you would still use the same words, it will purely depend on social atmosphere.
How about Chica? Here in Wisconsin in the same setting, I would say, "Hey girl." Not as in "Hey girl!" (Like a command or summons) but rather like a greeting. I would only use it if I knew the young lady by sight but not my name and likewise. So would Chica work too or would it be condescending?
Dear Jeez, Here is your problem.
Let's face it, there is no such thing as calling a young woman you like
"sweetheart" in a "non-affectionate" way.
Why don't you just call her "sweetheart" in English, and then she will
A. either, not understand you which may save you embarrassing her, or
B. classify you as English-speaking, so she may forgive any possible cultural "ignorance".
Best of luck with the relationship!
How about mi angelito, my angel with the afecionate ito added.
