Needed to let it out
This has nothing to do with Spanish but you're the only ones awake.
I just had a conversation with a friend that was really upsetting. Honestly, I think she's a passive-aggressive dangerous person and I probably should never talk to her again. She just keeps rehashing these stupid old arguments and every time we do it, it's always my fault, and I have to defend myself.
I'm not defending myself anymore. I didn't f'n do anything.
She says things like "I'm just really offended and you don't want to talk about it. I mean I think it's pretty selfish not to talk about it when something's bothering me." Yeah, women, we already spoke about it, a hundred times and nothing I say changes anything.
Or, "I'm not mad. I just want to understand why you didn't want to do x". Yeah, but when I explain it to you, you get mad at me for feeling the way I do and then you wonder why I don't want to talk about it anymore?
I feel dirty. Seriously.
I will not defend myself anymore. I promise myself I will not defend myself.
Omg I feel like a first class loser. Why do I fall into her trap each time?
9 Answers
This has nothing to do with Spanish but you're the only ones awake.
I´m glad you have been able to vent here, but how is it that "we" are the only ones awake? Span¡shD!ct covers the entire globe - lots of time zones.
second one is more like it
Do you feel that there is any value in the relationship, bad bits aside? If so, it may be worth trying to calmly explain, in a letter or email, how you feel. If you are happy to walk away but still care for the person then explaining what you see as where they might improve their approach to problem resolution or just dealing with people in general could cause them to reflect on their behaviour.
I know some pretty solid people who have told me in the past that they had some wholly undesirable traits that they simply were not aware of but were brought to their attention by good friends who were resolute enough to show them what they were doing.
I've tried this a few times in the past, calmly, detached and with as much magnanimity as I could muster, I have also calmly chosen to end friendships with people who I have found to take far far more than they offer.
Breast of luck, Alex.
So far we only have your side of the story. Possibly the fault lies mostly with you but the term "fault" is subject to interpretation. It would be silly to think that any two people must be compatible. Whether they are both "nice" people or hard-to-get-along-with people, the fact that they do (or do not) get along with each other is a different question (and may have nothing to do with their respective nicenesses). Jack Sprat and his wife got along precisely because of their differences (well, because their differences were complementary ).
The studies that I've seen tend to suggest that successful (long-term) relationships are most often based on a combination of shared and separate interests.
I think you're right, if you did nothing then you shouldn't need to defend yourself, it's manipulative and bullying to try to push all the blame onto you. This type of person is very hard to deal with but you need to stand your ground, confident that you've done nothing wrong.
Best of luck, I wish there was more support we could give you.
Remember, everything passes. xx
God, you must feel awful... I wouldn't know what to do, but I think you should really have some time apart from each other...
Que lastima, I wish I could help, but all I can really do is hope you come through... (I feel like a jerk all of a sudden for not being able to do anything..) I hope you work through this!
What do you do? You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, square your shoulders, and move on. You will encounter people like that as long as you are living. You are better off to avoid a personal relationship with someone who is manipulative and controlling. You can not control other the actions, responses, and attitudes of others, but you can control your own actions, responses, and attitudes.
There are wonderful people in the world that appreciate and accept others. I recommend you be friendly, but quietly avoid these situations.
Here is a book this might be helpful.
Hola,
You start out by saying you just had a conversation with a friend..........I would like you to ask yourself if she actually is a friend or is she merely an acquaintance?. Look up the definition of friend. What qualities should a friend have and does she have those qualities. Ask yourself if you would be better of with her or without her, then make the necessary changes. No one can walk all over you unless you let them.
Almost sounds like you are married to someone you should not be married to.
It sounds like a "power struggle" to me.
Someone here on SD wrote " If I agreed with you we would both be wrong"
