Who knows the best joke ever?
Anyone know the best joke ever?
22 Answers
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Yeah, no one but me usually laughs at it, either.
This man went into a coma. He was there for a few days. When he woke up,he seen his wife sleeping in a chair. He called for her to come close. She got down by his ear to hear him good. He said, Honey, you have always been there. When I lost the car, you was there. When the storm took the crops, you was there. When I had no money and I had to go for food stamps, you were there.When the bank took the house, you was there. I got sick, you was there. Honey, you know what I think?
I THINK YOUR BAD LUCK!!!
I do, but no one ever laughs at it.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a cup of coffee. He drinks the coffee, then eats the coffee cup, but leaves the handle, and walks out. A guy standing at the bar asks the bartender, "Did you see that?" The bartender says, "Yeah, that was really strange. He usually eats the whole thing."
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Three tortoises go on a picnic.
They finally reach the place where they want the picnic.
“Oh damn!” Said one of them “I forgot the beer”
“Then you go and get it.” said one of the others.
Off he went while the others sat looking at the food.
After a long while one of them said “I can’t wait any longer I’m starving.”
“Ok lets start eating now.” Said the other one.
From the other side of a bush the first tortoise said.
.............
...........
“If you touch that food I’m not going to get the beer”
This is really lame but I'll tell...
Why didn't the skelton cross the road? He didn't have any guts!
Number 2 There was a nun in her room. Everyday she would see the sick and the dying, including the blind and the deaf. She took a hot shower in her room, expecting the blind man, but she lost track of time. Soon, she was startled by the doorbell ringing. She jumped out of the shower, only to find a lack of towels! She thought, the blind man can't see me, oh well. She considered trying to slip on some clothes, but she heard footsteps walking away and a voice call, "Answer for the blind man!" So she ran to the door. Outside, there wasn't the sick blind man she usually saw, but another man. "Ahhh!" I thought you were the blind man!" The nun screamed, trying to cover herself up. "No," the man said, shocked. "I'm the blinds man!" (If you don't understand the term "blinds man" it means a man who fixes window blinds.)
Una mujer hispana fue de compras a una tienda en los estados unidos. Ella no sabía hablar inglés y quería encontrar algunos calcetines. Indicaba con las manos lo que quería pero la empleada no entendía lo que quería la mujer. Andaron a la sección de zapatos y la mujer hispana dijo que no era eso. Y por fin la empleada se dio cuenta que quería calcetines. Y mostró un par de calcetines y dijo "Is this what you want?" Y la mujer hispana dijo "ESO SÍ QUE ES!" La empleada le miró con una mirada de disgusto y dijo "Why didn't you just say that before?"
jeje a ver si entienden el chiste 
A hispanic woman went shopping at a store in the United States. She didn't know how to speak English and she wanted to find some socks. She indicated with her hads what she was wanting but the employee didn't understand what the woman wanted. They walked to the shoe section and the hispanic woman said it wasn't that. And finally the employee realized that she wanted socks. She showed a par of socks and said, "Is this what you want?" and the hispanic woman said "ESO SÍ QUE ES!" The employee looked at her with a look of disgust and said "Why didn't you just say that before?"
hehe Let's see if you guys understand the joke
Paddy and Mick, are walking through the forest, Paddy falls through the ground,Mick shouts down to him,are ya alright Paddy, what's down there ? milk says Paddy, is it pasturized ? nah it's barely past me knees.
A Sister say's to Mother Superior, Mother," sister helga has a case of the clap".
" Thank heaven for that", said the Mother, " I'm sick and tired of that Chardonay".
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.
"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines."
"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!" from ahajokes.com
Five surgeons are sitting at a table during a lunch break discussing which type of patient is the easiest to operate on.
The first surgeon taps his chin thoughtfully, “You know, I think accountants are the easiest. When you open them up, everything inside is numbered. It makes for very easy identification!”
The second surgeon pouts in disagreement, “No, librarians are the easiest. When you open them up, everything inside is in alphabetical order. It's almost impossible to make a mistake!”
The third surgeon leans back and folds his arms, “I'd say electricians are the easiest. When you open them up, everything inside is colour-coded! All you have to do match up the colours!”
The fourth surgeon, between chewing his food says, “No! No! No! Construction workers are the easiest. Those guys always understand when the job takes longer than I said it would and even when there are a few parts left over at the end! They are so easy!”
The fifth surgeon then leans slowly forward, “You are all wrong. Politicians are the easiest; there is no heart, no guts, no backbone, and the head and butt are interchangeable.”
Two cannibals were eating a clown, one stops eating and asks the other, "Does this taste funny to you"
A skeleton walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a drink and a mop.
A burglar broke into a house.During the course of looking for things to steal, he heard a voice say, Jesus knows your'e here. He quickly turned off his flashlight, and stayed motionless for a couple of minutes,hearing nothing more he turned on his flashlight and continued searching,again he heard a voice say, Jesus is watching you, freaked out, he shone his light around to see who was there, the only thing he saw was a parrot in the corner. he hissed at the parrot, did you say that, the parrot said yep I'm warning you Jesus is watching you, The burglar laughed and said, who are you ?, I'm Moses replied the parrot Moses the burglar laughed,what kind of people would name a bird Moses, the burglar asked ! The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus
