Thinking about quitting the language
Just getting very frustrated with speaking the language that I feel like dropping it entirely. I'm 40 years old, I've been studying spanish for over a year and I can't get past just simple sentences. When I speak it I stutter, my thoughts are confused, and the sentences just do not come out right. A spanish speaker asks me a question and I sit there with a dumb look on my face fumbling for the words.
Just wondering if anyone has hit this wall and what they did to get past it.
34 Answers
Elsalsero, I am 58 and I have been studying for six years. I get discouraged almost every evening and decide to give up. Even after all the time I've invested, I can barely make my way through a Spanish conversation with the lady at the local fruit stand or the Hispanic people at our church. Most of my questons on this forum seem juvenile, and I often don't understand the advice given. But I do not care. I will continue my lessons until I can speak Spanish well enough to communicate effectively.
Do not give up. You can do this.
We all go through this, no matter how long we've been studying. Frankly, a year isn't very long at all when it comes to learning a language. It's like learning to play a musical instrument or a sport. It takes a tremendous amount of effort and practice, and you'll never be perfect. I know when I started playing guitar I had to stop and think where to put my fingers all the time, and it took me forever to change chords. Now (after 38 years) I don't have to think about it much anymore. It's the same with a language.
You'll struggle and struggle, then one day you'll realize you just understood something in Spanish without having to translate it in your head. Just keep plugging away. There's no deadline, and there's no finish line to reach.
I guess I'll keep at it. I just don't want to force myself and end up hating the language. I'll keep it mild, day by day, and try to progress in a casual manner. I appreciate the words. Glad to see I am not the only one struggling so much. Thanks again.
Yes, I totally identify with you. I was speechless at the last chat. I couldn't remember a single word in Spanish and I am much older than you. I am not giving up, though. I am going to try to learn Spanish for the rest of my life...I do think that it is a life time journey. It is easy to get discouraged, but don't give up. Take a step back and review some lessons. Practice a little every day. Take a break when you need to. I will be pulling for you Elsalsero. Don't give up!
This happened to me, most of the time. 
In my case, until recently, I only found Spanish speaking persons during my occasional travel to Central America. There, as a tourist, people were very encouraging and helpful in getting me to complete my sentences. It helps if you can practice. I generally find that once I've said certain things, I can say them again another time and even "think" in Spanish when doing so. The more I do that, the easier it gets, little by little.
Of course I thought about giving up, but positive experiences (and the many SD folks here!) have made it rewarding. I don't feel smarter than yesterday, but I can see the progress compared to six months ago! 
Don't give up! The journey is completely worth it. I took a seven year break from studying Spanish and I wish I had never done that...now I think about all that I could have learned in the interim. When you become frustrated, fall back on what you know and try your best to perfect it before moving onto more difficult concepts. This has really helped me (especially with using different verb conjugations).
What are you using to learn the language? Courses, an online program, other means? Maybe there are other routes you can take or suggestions we can make to help you along the way!
.(sometimes) I sit there like a stunned mullet....
The "above" expresses the way I (sometimes) react when I need to formulate a Spanish sentence. But you know what elsalsero the "stunned mullet" thing is happening less and less. (I've been plugging away for about two years). Yes sometimes you feel as if you are going one step forward - two steps back - but enjoy the journey elsalsero.
My suggestion - keep your replies "short" - I mean how many mistakes can you make in a five-word sentence? Six? Seven?
Perhaps formulate a general sentence indicating that you are still a beginner (this will get you off the hook and invite the person to whom you are talking to help you "along the way").
Quizás - Hablo español pero no estoy mejorando tanto como lo esperaba. (I speak Spanish but I'm not improving as much as I had hoped.)
And remember learning a new language is no small thing - especially for those of us on the wrong side of fifty - so don't be too hard on yourself - your brain and your tongue will sometimes refuse to co-operate - but - I say - pull them into line - I mean who's in charge here? And your brain especially will benefit...
And to be able to say "Si, hablo español" - what a rush!
If you are not succeeding, there are a possible number of reasons:
- you lack the motivation
- your method is very inefficient and you are wasting much time
- you haven't spent enough time to get to a minimum level
- you are not relaxed and you are not absorbing the language
Go to youtube and check some videos from lingosteve on language learning.
I have found that the greatest hurdles to me learning this language are 1) my pride 2) my perfectionism and 3) my impatience.
My pride stings because I can't express myself, keep up with an adult pace of conversation and am afraid to speak because I will make numerous mistakes. Actually, as long as I don't quit, that same pride can be a motivator. I didn't realize it at the time, but every embarrassing mistake I made seared the right word or pronounciation into my psyche, so I will never make that mistake again.
My perfectionism, closely tied to the pride, says that if I can't speak perfectly, why try at all. The perfectionism has a good side, too, though. Who says, "I speak a language badly, but who cares?" Not me. Trying to understand every word has helped me to build vocabulary. Wanting to intuitively understand the indirect and direct pronouns has got me practicing more.
My impatience tells me to give up. It's not happening fast enough. My laziness says, "Why bother?" The good side of impatience, if married to determination, is that I have dedicated hours and hours in the last year to learning and I have improved.
No one is born speaking a language. The double benefit we had with our mother tongue (a mother and being naturally programmed to parrot the sounds around us at the age of two) are not there to help us this time. Sorry. We have to come up with a different system. Fortunately, we have this website and this supportive learning community.
There are qualities I can demonstrate in order to overcome my pride, perfectionism and impatience.
1) Patience. Palabra del Dia adds one word each day. After awhile they start to add up. Languages are made up of words and grammar rules. If I want to learn more words, I have flashcards on this site. (Thanks Maryanne!) If I want to learn grammar, I have video lessons (thanks Paralee!) Bit by bit, poco a poco, the war is won.
2) Another quality I can demonstrate is persistence. Churchill said, "Never, never, never give up." Same here. Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither is a language learned overnight. No matter what they say, no three year old speaks like a ten year old.
3) Humility. I do the work. I roll up my sleeves. I dig in. Other than those points that keep adding up, no one knows that I keep on keeping on. Until I hear a conversation or a song and suddenly understand what they are talking about.
Here is another saying that has helped me, "Acceptance is the key to all my problems." I am learning Spanish. I could be learning it the rest of my life.
I am also learning how to be a better person by overcoming the hard places in personality by demonstrating these higher qualities. Spanish is easy compared to that.
My dear friend Elsalsero,I have been trying now for 10 months to answer a simple
sentence in Spanish , if you wait long enough I may manage to blubber two or
three words which may constitute a sentence ,and If you look at my posts on
any given day you would find enough mistakes to have me commited, but I am
determined to work harder and overcome my shy reserved nature and speak more.
I am also booked into a language course in Mexico next year which I am
hoping will catapault me into the third grade. Oh by the way I am 77 years old
so you have the edge on me , but only just!. 
Hola elsalsero: Sometimes I think I have not advanced one iota and other times I am positive of it! I think I will always be a "beginner". I would like to quit too but I cannot. I am just hooked on the language. I have so much fun when I learn how to use new words but I do feel badly about inflicting my inadequate attempts on those who read them. I try to keep a sense of humour about it though. I hope you will too and keep on trying!
All I can say is 'yes' it can be frustrating and disheartening but like most things that are hard to do you get a wonderful sense of accomplishment at surprising intervals. I actually totally 'left' Spanish for around 20 years - !!! and guess what - it was still there when I went back to it. That just amazes me - and it made me happy too. It's something to slog at, so just keep on keeping on!!! You will find the people on SpanishDict very encouraging! 
I'm 51, I've been learning for just over a year. I feel I'm putting a lot into it, more than I've put into any one learning objective, but I really don't expect to have got very far in this time, so I'm pleased with what I can do. I'm delighted that I've read a whole book, that I get better and better at understanding the tv shows I watch and the songs I listen to, and that I'm starting to find time to go to the Skype chats on Saturday which is great fun!
I can't say better than Feliz - enjoy the journey - do things you enjoy in Spanish (how about music?) and don't worry about what you can't do..... yet.!!
Keep up the good work.
How much of a sense of achievement can you get from things that come easily in life? Not much, if any at all! The things in which one invests his/her time and energy are the ones that make one proud to have achieved. Stick with it, and when you achieve the end result, you will be glad you did. If not, you run the risk of wondering, "What if...?"
Trust me...you are definitely not alone! We have all been there. Learning a language is no easy feat!
I'm in the same boat as you are. I started studying Spanish last Fall with Rosetta Stone and a grammar book, and used this forum heavily for many months. My vocabulary and reading ability expanded far more rapidly than my speech, writing and grammar.
I go to a conversation group once a week, and some weeks I hardly say anything, but the folks there are helpful and encouraging. I also have achieved some milestones, such as reading my first complete novel in Spanish just a few months ago. True it was a "young adult" book, but I did it! If you'd like some suggestions on resources that have been useful to me, please send a private message to me.
Hang in there! It will be worth the effort in the long run.
