Use of usted and tu
I am a 64 years old retired professional, and a long time resident of Copan Ruinas Honduras. It saddens me how people, particularly young people, seem to have forgotten how and when to use usted when they are speaking to older people, who are far more accomplished and better educated than they are. Instead they use TU, which I find quite offensive, and they call me "Jesse".
Several months ago, I was teaching a group of young, local bank employees English, for free. No one else around here does anything for free. Further, I am reputed to be the best English teacher in town. All these young bank employees used TU, when they spoke to me and my first name. One day I had had enough. I asked each one in the class to state their age, how many years of education they had, and how many countries they have visited. I wrote all this on the blackboard. The oldest of the the group was 30. They maximum years of education was 13. The most countries visited was 4. Then I wrote my own information: 64 years old, 16 years of formal education, 34 countries visited. There was silence in the class. I told them that we are not equal, and if they couldn't call me "Don Jesse", or "licenciado", and use usted rather than TU, they should feel free to leave the class. I was widely criticized around town for having taken this position, particularly by the gringos.
I have 2 questions for all of you regarding this issue:
1) How many of you agree/disagree with me on the position that I took? and
2) What has happened to respect and good manners in Central America?
12 Answers
Personally, I prefer to be addressed as "vuestra merced". As soon as I can get my wife properly trained in using this, I intend to start working on the "young people" in the neighborhood.
As a young person (only 18 years), I definitely agree with how you handled the situation. I'm so disappointed in how much manners and respect to elders has slipped. I still call adults "Mr." or "Mrs." unless they have specifically asked them to call me by their first name. Even then, I usually still call them "Mr." or "Mrs.". Any close friends of my parents that have asked that, we generally call them "Uncle" or "aunt" or even "grandma" or "grandpa". I think you were right. If no one corrects the people who are being offensive, nothing will change and it will only slip further.
From a student's perspective I have struggled with whether or not to address my teachers in a formal or informal manner, and I have used both, depending on how they address me, and I have also asked ¿La/Lo puedo tutear? (I think this is the correct way to ask this...?) in instances where I was not sure. I am a native English speaker learning Spanish, however, so the distinction is a bit more vague for me. I have since become quite close with a few of my Spanish professors, so we address one another as tú, but I have definitely made the mistake of not using the proper address in some cases, and luckily I was able to pick up on it in order to show more respect for my teacher. It sounds like these young people are native speakers of Spanish, so they clearly know the connotations that go along with the informal/formal address forms. Is it possible they could have had good intentions? Perhaps, by addressing you as tú, they were attempting to establish some kind of camaraderie. I don't know how frequently Ud. is used in Honduras, either, maybe tú is the way they have grown up addressing their teachers? Again, I am a student of Spanish, so it is hard for me to judge the measure of disrespect, but I do think that, as a teacher, you certainly have the right to be addressed as Ud./Sir/etc. Very interesting conversation, and certainly useful for students of Spanish such as myself. 
I think that everything is gradually declining in formality. Especially in the younger age groups, probably partly because of a lack of appreciation and respect. You won't find many younger people that will call someone older than them "Mr." or "Mrs.". As for me (14), I do, just because that's what my parents have told me to do, and who knows what would happen if I didn't 
As piratefan said, even if they ask me to call them by their first name, I generally don't, or I just try to avoid saying their name, and use a pronoun of some sort...
I think however, that you do have a right to be addressed as usted, and that you were right to point that out. Personally, if I were a student and had been addressing you as tu, I would've most likely been surprised by what you had said just because it was somewhat blunt, and not many people seem to be that way anymore, and I would've been perhaps slightly annoyed... but I tend to be annoyed with many people anyway
Overall, I think that what you did was right, and that they have no right to criticize you for what you said.
I think this is a change much of the world is seeing. My daughter lived in Russia for a while. She noticed that the babushkas (grandmotherly woman), historically treated with great respect, were told to be quiet by young people in public. In the past a babushka would feel free to correct inappropriate behavior by anyone, any where.
In the U.S. being on a first name basis with people of all ages is increasingly common. Personally, I refer to be called by my first name, even by small children. It's much more comfortable for me. I do think it is reasonable for you to be addressed the way you are most comfortable.
As one of the older guys (58) on this thread I'll put in my 2 cents. I work in a lot of occupied residences and I like it when younger people especially very young children call me Mr. Thuillier. To me it shows a good upbringing, however, I immediately ask them to call me by my first name or ask their parents if they will allow it as this is my preference. By doing this they have already demonstrated a proper respect and I don't feel like an old man. Without a doubt there are those who have no respect at all for their elders but I think for the vast majority it is just the changing times and language customs.
My experience in the Basque Country (northern region of Spain) is pretty much what Miguel told you about Madrid. The almost ubiquitous 'usted' of yesteryear has diminished over the years, and now except in the business world it is used very sparingly, and many people never use it at all.
For example, when I attended a Catholic private school, it was unthinkable to call a teacher anything but 'usted' or 'don'. However just a few years later, in my early twenties when I was studying engineering in college -at one of the most prestigious universities in Spain, but a public one nonetheless- nobody ever referred to the teachers as 'usted' or 'don/doña', except perhaps a few that probably had a private school history. And I'm not just talking about young teachers in their early thirties, many of them were doctors in engineering, in their late forties or in their fifties, and participated in all sorts of international projects, conferences, etc.. But that didn't mean that we didn't respect them, and I at least had the utmost respect for some of them. Just to prove my point, here is a link to a wikipedia article one of the best teachers I had, an extraordinary scientist and professor, and he didn't bat an eyelash when people talked to him as 'tú' Agustín Sánchez-Lavega
I guess what I am trying to say is that even though 'usted' is still a way of showing respect in some circles, many people are increasingly getting used to using 'tú' for everything, and conversely they don't find it disrespectful when they are addressed as 'tú' by younger people.
1.) They may have meant nothing by it. They might not even thought of it. Most people tend to skip over the little details and focus on others that they find more important. Which might of contributed to them criticizing you because they might not have expected any of it, thinking it came from no where. But I totally agree on your position on the subject. Generation by generation, manners, slang, attitude, anything you can think of, have all been sliding slowly down the drain. I'm seventeen years old, and I can only fathom the idea of a couple generations before us and how they acted. The respect of people is very needed today, and it's really sad when you can't find it. I do agree with you. If it was me, I probably would have hinted to it instead of just bluntly said it. (I'm not that much of a forward in my thoughts kind of person.) Even if it was taken like a scolding to all of them, they can at least try to understand where you're coming from. You're like my dad. He is a very forward man. If you step out of line, he will tell you.m Completely. Which does get in the way sometimes, but then it is also a really good trait to have.
2.)From a young perspective, I do wish that I could live back in time. Where there was less of disrespect than there is today. (Disrespect, Hate, non tolerance, whatever you want to throw in.)
Well, the same is here in holland. A long time ago it was polite to say: "U" to older people instead of "jij" or "je". Now everyone says jij or je, and it seems like "U" doesn't exist anymore. I think it is because the time we are living in.
When I lived in Caracas 30-some years ago usted was almost unheard. Everyone addressed everyone else as tú. This isn't something new.
When I was a kid (I'm 50) all the kids called all the non-related adults Mr. and Mrs. I would never have thought of addressing my friend's father as "Joe". Now Mr. and Mrs. are almost unheard of in the U.S. The only time I've ever been called Mr. is by students when I was teaching, and then it was usually "Mr. B".
I don't know as it's so much a lack of respect as a change in the usage of the language. Plus things are much less formal now than they used to be. I'm a software engineer, and I wear blue jeans and sneakers to work. 30 years ago I would have worn a coat and tie. I remember when I B M specifically modified their dress code for employees visiting California. They were allowed to wear brown suits in California, as well as the black, gray or navy blue suits they were required to wear everywhere else in the country.
You have a right to be addressed however you wish. If you want to be called Don or usted, that's great. Personally, I like being addressed informally, but that's my choice.
Dear Jesss,
I wanted to tell you my experience living in Madrid.
The usage of tu is much more extended than usted. The difference was that you used "usted" when you were speaking not just in a bussines world but speaking with adults, teachers, adults, or people that you didn't meet before, etc. Now, at least from my experience, the use of usted is relegated to bussines enviroment, mainly customer services areas, and very formal situation, but not to express some respect.
Regards,
I agree with you on the position that you took. If an older person (like myself) wants to absolve a younger person of addressing me formally, that's one thing, but to assume that I am not to be addressed formally is something else altogether. Whether or not they realize it, addressing you informally right out of the box discounts your life experience and your wisdom. We are not "equal" to younger people in terms of life experience, and that should be acknowleged. I also think that this lack of respect is only a short step from younger people totally discounting older people as "out of touch, or senile or, even worse, 'cute'".
For the record, I do like to be addressed informally, but I want it to be MY choice, not the choice of some young kid.
