Snob Slang II
This is a game about the slang of the well bred, the privileged, and the pampered. The speech of the rich snobs of old!
I am pulling the text for these games from some of the wonderful books about Jeeves and Bertie by PG Wodehouse. Wonderful classic British humour! 
The challenge is this: Figure out what this character is saying, and put it:
a. In plain English
b. In Spanish
Everyone's invited to give it a try; I figure some of it is probably equally puzzling to native English speakers as to English students!
If you are a Brit (or a Snob), and you know right away exactly what this means, please refrain from answering immediately! Give the rest a chance to puzzle it out!
This one is a bit trickier, because I'm not giving you the context. (It is easy enough to figure out the meaning from the context)
"I pursed my lips, and was on the point of saying that of all web-footed muddlers in existence H.P. Pinker took the well-known biscuit, when it occurred to me that it might possibly hurt her feelings, and I desisted. The last thing I wanted was to wound the child, particularly when I remembered that crack of hers about recalling Bartholomew"
8 Answers
I'm not sure if I'm allowed but as I'm neither British or a snob .....
"I pursed my lips, and was on the point of saying that of all web-footed muddlers in existence H.P. Pinker took the well-known biscuit, when it occurred to me that it might possibly hurt her feelings, and I desisted. The last thing I wanted was to wound the child, particularly when I remembered that crack of hers about recalling Bartholomew"
I puckered my lips and nearly said that of all the clumpsy clots out there H.P. Pinker must be the clumsiest, when I realised that it might possibly hurt her feelings so I gave it a miss. The last thing I wanted was to upset the child, especially when I remembered her comment about Bartholomew only coming when she calls.
Fruncí los labios y estuve a punto de decir que de todas las personas torpes que viven H.P. Pinker debe ser el más torpe, cuando me di cuenta que posiblemente podría herir sus sentimientos a ella, asi que no lo dije. Sobre todo cuando recordé a su comentario sobre Bartolomé que sólo viene cuando ella lo llama, lo último que quería hacer sería que moleste la niña,.
I say Gekk, this really is a jolly good game old boy. Good show and all that! Awfully sorry to inform however that - being a son of old Blighty - I'm excluded from participating. What an absolute shower!
Must dash old bean, as I'm rapidly running out of 1930's cliches, what what what!
Yours extravagantly - Posh Patch
I pursed my lips, and was on the point of saying that of all web-footed muddlers in existence H.P. Pinker took the well-known biscuit, when it occurred to me that it might possibly hurt her feelings, and I desisted. The last thing I wanted was to wound the child, particularly when I remembered that crack of hers about recalling Bartholomew"
I almost said that of all the hapless folks in the world, H.P. Pinker was the worst, but then, when I realized that it might hurt her feelings, I decided not to do it. I would never want to hurt the child, especially when I remembered what she said about calling to Bartholomew.
(translated into American slang) It just about slipped out that of all the idiotic screw-ups in the world that H.P. Pinker took the cake. But then it dawned on me that I'd rather saw off my own right arm than hurt the poor little bugger's* feelings, especially after she made that wise-crack about being on to Bartholomew.
*No, this is NOT a bad word in American English. I think that it means something totally different in British English, but since SD is a family site you'll have to look it up yourself.
Perdedores, cuando se dio cuenta de que heriría sus sentimientos, decidió no hacerlo, daño a la niña, cuando recordé lo que dijo sobre llamando Bartoloméo.
I am definitely not British , and a snob, no flaming way.
Me lips looked like I had sucked on a lemon and I almost said ,of all the flaming
drongos old Pinkers was the dead set favorite , Im'e giving you the drum, but I
reckoned I had better back off cos I didn't want to hurt the kids feelings especialy
when she let slip about remembering Bartholomew.
Definitivamente no soy británico, y un snob, de ninguna manera en llamas.
labios Me miró como si hubiera chupado un limón y casi me dijo que, de todas las llamas
Pinkers drongoes de edad era el favorito conjunto muertos, Im'e que le da el tambor, pero
contado que era mejor retroceder porque yo no quería herir los sentimientos de los niños especialy
cuando se le escapó de recordar Bartolomé.
Please correct the Spanish , and dont laugh it's flaming hopeless to translate. "Pinkers " with his family.
I pursed my lips, and was on the point of saying that of all web-footed muddlers in existence H.P. Pinker took the well-known biscuit, when it occurred to me that it might possibly hurt her feelings, and I desisted. The last thing I wanted was to wound the child, particularly when I remembered that crack of hers about recalling Bartholomew"
English version
I put my lips together and was about to say that of all the crazy ugly ducklings of the world, HP Moore won the award, when it crossed my mind that it could possibly hurt her feelings. so I closed my mouth. The last thing I wanted to do was to cause psychological damage and years of therapy to the young girl, especially when my mind recalled that she had boasted about rewarding Bartholomew.
Spanish - Help!
Puse mis labios y estuve a punto de decir que de todos los patitos feos locos del mundo, HP Moore ganó el premio, cuando se cruzó por mi mente que posiblemente podría herir los sentimientos de ella,así que cerré mi boca. Lo último que yo quería hacer era causar daño psicológico y años de terapia a la chica joven, sobre todo cuando mi mente recordó que ella había alardeado sobre gratificante de Bartolomé
Tip 2
Bartholomew, as Pesta correctly indicates, is a dog:
...I had gradually become aware of a curious sound, as if someone in the vicinity was gargling mouthwash, and looking about me I found myself gazing into the eyes of the dog Bartholomew, which were fixed on me with the sinister intentness which is characteristic of this breed of animal. Aberdeen terries, possibly owing to their heavy eyebrows, always seem to look at you as if they were in the pulpit of the church of some particularly strict Scottish sect and you were a parishioner of dubious reputation sitting in the front row if the stalls.
Our character, Bertie, is speaking to Stephanie, the only person that Bartholomew obeys. So, in this context, "recall" does not mean "remember".
Tip
Ok, I'll provide some context:
Harold Pinker was preparing a sermon, using an oil lamp for illumination. He tripped and upset the oil lamp, which resulted in the sermon he was preparing being burnt. 
Closing comments:
Everyone did a great job, and much originality was shown. María did what in my opinion is the most faithful translation into modern standard English, and her Spanish translation is actually very good, too!
Since I think María-Claire´s standard English version is perfect, I'll ask you to use that as reference to check your work.
Everyone else missed the hint I posted about Bartholomew (María did too, at first, but later re-checked! ). In this context, "recall" does not mean remember, but to "call the dog back". Recall as in "Toyota recalled millions of cars due to a steering problem".
My Spanish Translation:
"Fruncí mis labios, y estaba a punto de decir que de todos los torpes patosos del mundo, H.P. Pinker se lleva el premio, cuando se me ocurrió que eso podría herirla en sus sentimientos, por lo que desistí. Lo último que deseaba era lastimar a la niña, especialmente cuando recordé su chiste sobre llamar a Bartholomew."
