Male Versus Female
MALE V FEMALE AT THE CASH MACHINE
A new sign at a bank near us reads:
'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through cash machines, (just like Macdonalds), enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'
MALE PROCEDURE:
1... Drive up to the cash machine.
LOWER your car window.
Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
Raise window.
Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Drive up to cash machine.
Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
Put hand brake on, put the window down.
Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
Attempt to insert card into machine.
Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
Insert card.
Re-insert card the right way.
Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
Enter PIN .
Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
Enter amount of cash required.
Check makeup in rear view mirror.
Retrieve cash and receipt.
Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.
Re-check makeup.
Drive forward 2 feet.
Reverse back to cash machine.
Retrieve card.
Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
Restart stalled engine and pull off.
Redial person on mobile phone.
Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
Release Hand Brake.
Come on girls, you know this is true.
23 Answers
O M G I didn't know they were watching me in front of that machine shame on me sorry girls I didn't know it !! 
Even though I am not that bad , I am even worse !! 
I found this one on the Internet and I think its all true...
Groceries:
Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.
Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.
Relationships:
Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.
Magazines:
Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.
Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day.
Shoes:
Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.
Cats:
Women: Women love cats.
Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Children:
Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Dressing Up:
Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
Laundry:
Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.
Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style."
Toys:
Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.
Cameras:
Men: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.
Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.
Friends:
Women: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time.
Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?"
Eddy, there seems to be a common thread to many of your threads. (Pun intended)
Do we need to get you some sort of therapy? 
Here's one you should like:
Here's one for the ladies since Eddy was so brutal!
An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Just to even things up a little: 
Men Are Like...
... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
... Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
... Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
... Curling Irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
... Government Bonds. They take way too long to mature.
... Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
... Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
... Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
... Parking Spots. The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.
... Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
(PS the above do not apply to my husband, luv u darling! je je )
Sí, y él que no quiere preguntar es el abeja varón. (The one who doesn't want to ask is the male bee!) 
Here is my final comment on the subject. Make your own decision.
I accept this pic, I do take long time to get ready... But believe me, many of the urban men are worse than us.. They take even longer time to get ready....
Omg...good one, Eddy!
I love:
"Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you."
I accept we do those things sometime... But not always... Men always take the exceptions as examples.....
Come on girls, you know this is true.
¡Este hombre no sabe con quien se juega los cuartos! 
Esto habría sido más divertido si fuera en español -- ¡ja ja ja!
Hi guys and gals!
I must say that I see an element of truth in a lot of the posts here. My sides are hurting from laughing so hard. My theory is:
lol
