Insults of Grandeur from a bygone day.
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language was debased
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?' - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one. - - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.' - Jack E. Leonard ' 'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' - Robert Redford
'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.' - Thomas Brackett Reed
'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' - Billy Wilder
'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.' - Abraham Lincoln
'A modest little person, with much to be modest about. ' - Winston Churchill
An exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
Can anyone match these with a modern insult?
10 Answers
How about an insult to our intelligence?
"Hi! I'm from the government and I am here to help you!"
Ronald Reagan
Those are terrific! I truly needed a good laugh. Thanks. I don't know who said it or when, but I'd like to add: "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions that I had about you."
I hope he takes a long walk off a short pier.
Can you sing "Far Away?" Far enough that I can't hear you?
You should sing solo. So low that no one can hear you.
.... oh they are out there, it's just a matter of remembering them.
Ohhh, those are wonderful! I love witticisms! I don't think I'd mind receiving such a high-class insult. I'd probably be delighted at the cleverness of it!
You can tell when a comment is truly funny, its stays for years.
More modern than your comments, but one I like is -
You have a face for radio, and a voice for print.
No idea who gets the credit for it though.
We can always tell when he is lying; his lips move.
This shouldn't get lost among the other posts! I wish we had somewhere to keep treasures like this. Great stuff Ian, just what I needed on a gloomy Sunday morning when I've been woken too early lol.
Mil gracias, amigo. 
Some of those I've heard dozens of times, and I still laugh. Those were people with great ideas and the skill to put them into words.
Hola,
¡Están buenísimos! Muchas gracias por compartirlos con nosotros. These penetrate so much deeper that your typicall swear words.
I really enjoyed them.
I think those are the best there is. I can't think of any modern insults that are better!
