Word order for poetry?

Question

Ok, so I am writing a poem, and I change the words around into a odd order. I know with poetry you are pretty much free to do as you wish, as long as the grammar is correct, but you never know...

So I have...

De ella,

los murmullos me rondan,

bailando están,

alrededor de mí.

The correct order is los murmullos de ella. I have been reading a lot of poetry, and saw some pretty strange things with word order. I would like to know if this way that I have it is at all possible or it is 100% incorrect.

Thank you for your help.

Great question. I'm no poet (at least not in Spanish, anyway), but I would be interested to know the answer to this as well :) - Izanoni1, May 21, 2010

wonderful...perfect - mountaingirl123, May 21, 2010

Thank you :) - NikkiLR, May 21, 2010

There is more to the poem, but I only questioned this part... Maybe I will post it later. :) - NikkiLR, May 21, 2010

i'd love to read it - julianPdC, May 21, 2010

Answer 1

It wouldn´t sound funny saying-

Bailando están a mi alrededor...

VS

Bailando están alrededor de mí...

¿?

I mean, its one piece, just broken up.

Sorry, I´m a bit confused.

sorry i confused you, just that to me sounds better one way or another shouldn't matter, they're both correct and it's your poem - julianPdC, May 21, 2010

Answer 2

De ella,

los murmullos me rondan,

bailando están,

alrededor de mí.

Anything is possible in poetry in Spanish, any structure is permitted.

This sounds good to me, a mi alrededor is another option.

Thanks once again Heidita. You always come to my rescue!! jeje. - NikkiLR, May 21, 2010

Answer 3

I believe it's correct, especially in poetry where you can play with orders to be more emphatic.

The only change i'd do would be in the last phrase: "a mi alrededor" instead. It's not that it's incorrect gramatically but sounds like someone ... not spanish speaking, i don't know, it just sounds like an online translator, while "a mi alrededor" would be more real spanish

Wow, actually a Spanish native said that is they way it should be. ¿?¿? - NikkiLR, May 21, 2010

Thank you for the help :) - NikkiLR, May 21, 2010