Frustration in situations
So, I know that lately I have been frustrated trying to talk with my mother in law because I feel like I don't always get it right. I'm sort of a perfectionist, and I like to excel in everything. Yet, learning spanish is kind of hard for me. I try my best because she's my family and I love her so much. I also try because I think it's important that I learn her heritage because I have chosen to be with her son. Does anybody have any tips on how to cope with the stress of feeling like I'm not that good at Spanish? Does anyone else ever feel this way when you get in situations where you have to use your spanish skills? Can any of the "head honchos" on this site give pointers on their success? Abrazos, Mamasita
5 Answers
The more you stress about it the harder it will be to communicate. Thinking about it gets in the way of doing it. As hard as it is, don't try to be perfect, just try to make yourself understood, and listen to what other people are saying without trying to translate it in your head. Shoot from the hip. The people you are talking to like you and appreciate the effort you are making. Your skills will improve with practice.
Mamsita - I feel your pain.
In spite of how you may at times feel, I am positive that she is thrilled with your desire to communicate with her.
I may be wrong, but it has seemed to me that when a Spanish-speaking person starts going at full speed and using a lot of slang, it's a compliment. She feels comfortable with you and with your level of Spanish.
Give yourself time. Part of the adjustment is the universal challenge of trying to understand a mother in law, regardless of the language. Even if a woman has the most wonderful mother in law on the planet, there is usually a certain amount of doubt on the part of the daughter in law; after all, the mothers of our husbands know their sons so well and we want to be the best wives and daughters in law that we can!
It will truly all work out...I am sure that she is thrilled with your Spanish, and the two of you will settle into your own skins with the normal passage of time.
I'm not a "honcho" (head or otherwise), but I think that what Kevin has said is quite true. Don't feel like you have to keep up with her in speed. Take your time saying what you have to say. I'm sure that she very much appreciates your efforts in trying to learn her language and communicate with her rather than expecting her to accommodate you all the time.
When I began, at times I would work up a vocabulary about a topic that I wanted to talk about when with my friends. With hand motions, inflections, and their help, we managed to actually carry on a "conversation." Another time I might list vocabulary to help me talk about something that was of interest to them.
Don't get upset about verbs because simply using the infinitive rather than panicking and trying to figure out the correct conjugation will get you by if it's necessary.
I applaud you for your efforts and your consideration for your mother-in-law.
Para mi,
I look at it from two angles.
One: you are like a child with the language, my milestones in gauging how far I have come is how well I can communicate with children. I am still striving for kindergarten. At that age the children have had 4+ years of total immersion Spanish. So try and gauge what grade level you are speaking at and accept it knowing you will improve.
The other: As far as the stress, you had mentioned earlier that you were accepted into the family. It sounds like you are still trying to gain their approval.
I try my best because she's my family and I love her so much. I also try because I think it's important that I learn her heritage because I have chosen to be with her son.
You are imposing too much on yourself; your own standards, her standards, the families standards, and your husbands standards. That is a lot to live up to. You may be stressing yourself looking for feedback on how you are doing and either not getting it or misinterpreting the subtle changes in body language.
If you are not doing it for yourself then don’t do it. I know, sounds selfish and harsh.
I give to the needy only because it makes me feel good.
I participate in these forums only because it makes me think and I enjoy it.
I am learning Spanish and the Tico culture for my own benefit.
The only standards I need to live up to are my own.
I edited what you wrote and try thinking this way.
I try my best because that is what I do. I also try because I want to learn the heritage.
You only need to live up to your standards and that is less stressful.
A small change in the way a person thinks can have a big change on their life.
Thanks to everybody for your encouragements! Your answers have really helped me, and the stress is starting to go away. It hasn't gone away completely, but I think it's just the type of person I am. However, I've accepted that I don't need to put as much pressure on myself because obviously, they've accepted me into the family and appreciate me trying. Thanks so much!
