HomeQ&ADoes my translation needs correction? either one thank you very much for your help.

Does my translation needs correction? either one thank you very much for your help.

1
vote

Hace como cincuenta años vole un generator electrico y deje a mi chosa sin luz. El capitan de mi unidad me mado a llamar. Me reporte diciendo,"Sargento Goose (Gus is pronounced goose in Spanish) se reporta,Señor".Él dijo entre dientes "no seras sargento por mucho tiempo" El capitan dándome una mirada fulminate me dijo" Le estamos pagando para que destruya a "Carlitos" no a nosotros, ¿"Que tiene que decir me?

*About fifty years ago y blew an electrical generator and left my barracks in the dark. My company commander called me into his office. So, I reported, saying, Sergeant Goose( Gus is pronounced goose in Spanish. Most of the time, I dont know if I am speaking Spanish or English, as a matter of fact no one knows either.My language confusion got in me trouble with a lady, one afternoon, we were having drinks and a heck of a great conversation, but I was tired of being indoors and in a conversation dull, I asked her if she wanted to go to the beach --she thought I said lets go bich ( by the way I mean bich as a female dog)and of course she walked out on me. While in my army basic training the drill sergeants kept asking me if I was a human being, every time they saw me coming they stopped me and asked me that question and my answer always was the truth, yes sergeant I am a human bean-I don't know why they kept asking me that question but I had to do a lot of push ups -. At any rate I reported to my company commander, He said under his breath "you won't be a sergeant for long" He gave me an if I could kill you; I would stare. And then he said, you are here to destroy "Charlie, not us; "what do you have to say for your self? I wanted to tell him that all I wanted to do was to fix the lights so thht I could read my books and tight my chooss - excuse me, I meant to say shoes, Of course I did not answer that, rather I said,

1828 views
updated MAR 3, 2010
edited by 00769608
posted by 00769608

4 Answers

2
votes

I think that it looks really good. I would probably say the following:

About fifty years ago, I blew an electrical generator and left my barracks in the dark. My company commander called me into his office. So, I reported, saying, "Sergeant Goose reporting, sir." He said under his breath, "You won't be a sergeant for long." He gave me a scathing look and then said, "We're paying you to destroy 'Charlie', not us. What do you have to say for yourself?"

updated MAR 1, 2010
edited by alba3
posted by alba3
"yourself" is one word :) - Valerie, MAR 1, 2010
I would add a comma here: He said, under his breath...but that may be more a question of style than of grammar. - webdunce, MAR 1, 2010
"What" should not be capitalized when it follows a semicolon - Izanoni1, MAR 1, 2010
2
votes

Hace como cincuenta años volé un generator eléctrico y dejé a mi cuartel sin luz. El capitán de mi unidad me madó a llamar. Me reporté diciendo,"Sargento Goose se reporta, Senor".Él dijo entre dientes "no será sargento por mucho tiempo" Dándome una mirada fulminate, el capitán me dijo "Le estamos pagando para que destruya a "Carlitos" no a nosotros, (o "Usted está aquí para para destruír a "Carlitos", no a nosotros) "¿Qué tiene que decir en su defensa?

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Gus, I used "usted" instead of "tú". It gives more formality to the conversation

updated MAR 1, 2010
posted by Benz
0
votes

Revised version But I have a question, is the word "dull: used correctly in the following phrase? in a conversation dull

About fifty years ago y blew an electrical generator and left my barracks in the dark. My company commander called me into his office. So, I reported, saying, Sergeant Goose( Gus is pronounced goose in Spanish. Most of the time, I dont know if I am speaking Spanish or English, as a matter of fact no one knows either.My language confusion got in me trouble with a lady, one afternoon, we were having drinks and a heck of a great conversation, but I was tired of being indoors and in a conversation's lull, I asked her if she wanted to go to the beach --she thought I said lets go bich ( by the way I mean bich as a female dog)and of course she walked out on me. While in my army basic training the drill sergeants kept asking me if I was a human being, every time they saw me coming they stopped me and asked me that question and my answer always was the truth, yes sergeant I am a human bean-I don't know why they kept asking me that question but I had to do a lot of push ups -. At any rate I reported to my company commander, He said under his breath "you won't be a sergeant for long" He gave me an if I could kill you; I would stare. And then he said, you are here to destroy "Charlie, not us; "what do you have to say for your self? I wanted to tell him that all I wanted to do was to fix the lights so thht I could read my books and tight my chooss'laces - excuse me, I meant to say shoes' laces, Of course I did not answer that, rather I said,

updated MAR 3, 2010
edited by 00769608
posted by 00769608
in a dull conversation - webdunce, MAR 3, 2010
Thanks, I meant to write in a lull in the conversation - 00769608, MAR 3, 2010
0
votes

About fifty years ago I blew an electrical generator and left my barracks in the dark. My company commander called me into his office. So, I reported, saying, "Sergeant Goose( I can't say Gus - no way, no how - [on account of being Spanish] am Spanish) reporting sir." Under his breath he said, "You won't be a sergeant for long." [Then] He gave me an "if I could kill you, I would" stare and said, "You are here to destroy 'Charlie', not us. What do you have to say for yourself?"

updated MAR 1, 2010
edited by Izanoni1
posted by Izanoni1
Thanks Izanoni1, I duly took note of your kind corrections. - 00769608, MAR 1, 2010
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