Translation Exercise for Beginners: Number 9

7
votes

This is a thread specifically designed with beginners in mind. If other exercises intimidate you this one shouldn't! Keep in mind that it doesn't matter if you don't get it all right. The actual process of attempting translation, and then correcting yourself is what helps us learn!

There are three rules:

  • Don't look at other people's translations until you have made your own.
  • Do not use a translation engine. (Although you can use a dictionary)
  • Do vote for the best answers and this thread. If there is a tie, votes make a difference.

So here is our sentence for Number 9:

Como azucena entre las espinas es mi amada entre las mujeres.

Cantares 2:2

Please remember to answer and then vote! This helps our thread and helps to choose a winner because if there is a word-for-word tie the answer with the most votes wins! The winner automatically recieves 20 reputation points not counting any votes he/she may have garnered. Every participant receives a vote from me as well for participating. Keep in mind that if you need some time to come up with an answer and the thread disappears you can find it under the category: Games and Challenges. Have fun! The translation will be posted on Sunday.

2483 views
updated ABR 21, 2010
edited by renaerules
posted by renaerules
Hint: Even though this is a verse taken from the Bible, Looking up the translation in an English Bible won't do. Ou translation needs to be made dierectly from this phrase in modern English.
If you use an English Bible you will have an Old English translation taken directly from Hebrew, which will, of course, be worded quite differently than our phrase that has been translated from Hebrew directly to Spanish.
Anyone who has just looked up the phrase might want to edit their submission before Sunday!

12 Answers

1
vote

Like a lily among thorns is my beloved among women. Song of Solomon 2:2

Second attempt: A lily surrounded by thorns is like my beloved among other women.

updated FEB 21, 2010
edited by jaimecole
posted by jaimecole
Congatulations Jamie! Your second attempt still reads a little rough but you won with the best modern translation. You made a second attempt at actual translation instead of using your knowledge of the English version. This is the reason I chose yours
Wow! That's awesome. Thanks. :)
4
votes

Like a white lily among thorns is my beloved among women.

Song of Solomon 2:2

updated FEB 21, 2010
posted by LaBurra
Very nice! It reads well if we were doing an Old English translation. I like what you did and you recieved a lot of votes. Good job! I just don't see modern wording.
3
votes

Like a lily among the thorns, so is my beloved among all women. Songs 1:12 (although I think it is Songs 2:2)

updated FEB 21, 2010
posted by UtmostLogic
You are right, I completely messed up the reference! Thanks for pointing that out!
Very nice! Just lacks the modern wording we were going for this time.
1
vote

Como azucena entre las espinas es mi amada entre las mujeres.

Like a white lily between the thorns is my beloved among women.

updated FEB 24, 2010
edited by alice_m
posted by alice_m
Nice! Choose another word besides between.
1
vote

As a lily among thorns is my beloved among women.

Song of Solomon 2:2

updated FEB 22, 2010
edited by hlsbookworm
posted by hlsbookworm
Very nice! Just lacks the modern wording I was going for.
I was trying to think of modern wording....but wasn't coming up with anything...
1
vote

Como azucena entre las espinas es mi amada entre las mujeres.

Like a lily between prickles my ladylove is between women.

updated FEB 22, 2010
edited by KikeCS
posted by KikeCS
I like the word "prickles". It's not cliche.
Lady love too! You were a close second, but I would have chosen another word besides between.
Thank you!
1
vote

As white lily among thorns, is my beloved among women. Como azucena entre las espinas, es mi amada entre las mujeres.

updated FEB 21, 2010
posted by teresa3101
Very nice! Good translation to be placed in a Bible....just needs a few modern words...
1
vote

As a lily between thorns is my beloved between women.

(Or is it "among"? English failing me on this part red face )

updated FEB 21, 2010
posted by Alrisaera
Yes Alirisa, among would flow better in English...see the translation at the bottom of the thread for more ideas!
1
vote

Como azucena entre las espinas es mi amada entre las mujeres.

My translation:

Like white lillies between the thorns is my beloved between the women.

I had to use the dictionary for

  1. azucena
  2. entre
  3. las espinas
  4. amada
updated FEB 21, 2010
posted by Joey-Jones
An honest answer! It's a word for word translation and makes sense, but it sounds a little stilted in English. Good job!
Thanks for the tip on my Spanish keyboard problem!
0
votes

Congartulations everyone! You all did an awesome job! Jamie won by virtue of a modern every-day language attempt which is what we were going for this time. Everyone did a very nice job: remember you are what make these exercises possible. I look forward to seeing you in Translation Exercise for Beginners: Number 10. Until then! Here is a modern English translation of our scripture, Song of Solomon 2:2:

Compared to other women, my darling is like a lily in the midst of thorns.

updated FEB 21, 2010
posted by renaerules
0
votes

We only have on more night before our translation is due. Any last ditched efforts to make this scripture sound like a modern translation? See you all tomorrow with the best pick!

updated FEB 20, 2010
posted by renaerules
0
votes

We have one day left before best answer is chosen! If you do not plan on giving the translation a try, please vote for best translation so that yours truly has an easier time breaking ties! So far we are not getting very close to a modern spanish to english translation....give it a try!

updated FEB 19, 2010
posted by renaerules